When in the course of television viewing it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the sentimental bands which have connected him with certain programs, a decent respect to the producers of those shows requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

In other words, Judgment Day has arrived, my friends. My backlog of television has reached mammoth proportions, and it’s time to cut some shows loose in the pursuit of sanity! Maybe I will revisit these shows again, but its curtains for now.

• Flashpoint This hostage-negotiation drama was supposed to be an American/Canadian collaboration. But CBS hasn’t exactly jumped at the chance to air the new episodes, so I’m wondering if it will ever be shown Stateside again. I checked this show out because of Enrico Colantoni (who played Veronica Mars’s pop), but I found myself enjoying both the crises-of-the-week and the ongoing character developments. But for some reason, I haven’t been tempted to watch an episode in a year or so. So I’m saying farewell for the time being.
• Gossip Girl When I first conceived this Almighty Purge, I thought I’d give each show one more episode to woo me back. But I started with Gossip Girl, and I got through all of six minutes before I couldn’t stomach any more. How could such a series once so guiltily-enjoyable get so flat and uninteresting? Answer: none of the characters matured; and none of the break-ups and make-ups mattered because none of them lasted.
• Heroes I’m crying uncle on this one. I thought I could at least get through the fourth season, but I just don’t care anymore. And it’s sad, too, because I have a feeling the series’s days are numbered. It must have stunk up the joint pretty bad to make me give up so close to the end.
• Human Target I never watched this one, but I was intrigued by the premise, by the gunslinging action and rollicking adventure, by the Mark Valley, by the Chi McBride, by the Jackie Earle Haley, by the musical stylings of Bear McCreary, etc. etc. But I never got around to watching the first episode.
• Men of a Certain Age I did see half of the first episode thanks to a promotional screener (and gave it a moderately-positive review), but I was never enthused enough to watch the rest. Perhaps I just can’t get hyped up about middle-aged angst?
• Project Runway I did enjoy a couple seasons there, but the latest season failed to intrigue me enough to keep watching. My mom says it’s relatively drama-less this season, so maybe that’s what made me tune out.
• Warehouse 13 I had high hopes for this show, but it proved to be a bit too hokey and inconsistent.

Shows I gave up on previously: Jericho, In Treatment, Saving Grace, The Philanthropist

Well, parting is such sweet sorrow (sometimes), but on the bright side, my backlog has been reduced from 108 hours to 56 hours.  Huzzah!

I had intended to “live-blog” the Oscars last night, but technical difficulties totally cock-blocked that idea. So instead I’m “live-plus-same-day-blogging” it, to borrow a Nielsen term. I was very excited to see this year’s broadcast because it seemed to have a lot more hype and energy than broadcasts past—and because director/choreographer/SYTYCD-judge Adam Shankman was producing. But it didn’t seem outstanding to me—just ordinary. I’ll explain:

• Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were good hosts, but the jokes weren’t as hilarious as I was expecting. And their opening monologue was upstaged by Neil Patrick Harris’s song-and-dance. Next year, I vote Ricky Gervais. Or, for that matter, Tina Fey and Robert Downey, Jr.
• I’m glad the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers were featured during the Best Score pastiche, but their performance was shot as such a distance that it wasn’t as hard-hitting as it could have been. The cameras should have been right in the thick of it. Hey, where’s that 3-D TV technology when you need it?
• The “In Memoriam” montage (or, as my roommate dubbed it, the Death Reel) was reverent and respectful, but it seemed short. I wonder how they determine who gets featured, especially considering Bea Arthur and Farrah Fawcett were left out. Yes, those two actresses are known for their television work, but both also did films. If the King of Pop was included, they should have been, too.
• Also, not that I minded, but why did late director John Hughes get singled out? Has that happened before for someone who wasn’t receiving an Oscar?
• A showcase like that typically introduces the Honorary Award, but that particular trophy wasn’t even handed out during the ceremony this year, maybe because the segment is perceived as being boring to younger viewers. Along the same lines, there was no address from the Academy president this year.
• Like most everyone else, I think that expanding the field of nominees to ten is a cheap ploy to get viewers, but I can’t fault the Academy for it. They have to do what they have to do to stay culturally relevant and alluring. And it apparently worked out, with this year’s broadcast being the most-watched Oscar night in five years.
• There were no real upsets, except for perhaps The Hurt Locker beating Avatar. That seemed to be the only neck-and-neck race in the big awards. Good thing it was presented last!
• Incidentally, If you’re wondering what was up with that woman “pulling a Kanye” during the Best Documentary Short Subject acceptance speech, Salon has the skinny.

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2′s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.

The following post was originally published on my old blog on June 23, 2009.

As I was discussing the sorry fate of Jon and Kate Gosselin with my mom earlier tonight (before the inevitable happened), we agreed that they are to blame for their level of media exposure. Yes, the paparazzi are nuts, but they knew that. The job of the paparazzi is to find scoop, and Jon gave it to them, no matter what his intentions were. And Kate is just as culpable for airing her grievances to People, probably to try to rally sympathy while earning a pretty penny—but all she did was come off as passive-aggressive.

My mom and I talked about their overwhelming desire for all things material. Indeed, Jon recently professed that he only does the show for the goods and chattels that come with it. And to think that, at first, they claimed they were doing the show to pay for their children’s futures. They must have already done so, because they then cashed in their hefty paychecks from TLC to buy a much larger house on a much larger piece of property. But my question is this: instead of using the excess money on real estate, why didn’t they keep their perfectly fine middle-class existence and donate to a charity? Or perhaps create a new charity to support other parents financially affected by multiple births?

In any case, it is a depressing state of affairs, and I feel very sorry for the kids. And as for the parents, I do have a modicum of sympathy for them, despite their thoughtless behavior.

The following post was originally published on my old blog on January 22, 2009.

For some reason, I’m always surprised when shows are cancelled in their second seasons or later. To me, cancellation seems like the gauntlet that first-year shows run, and once they’re past that trial, they’ve earned the right to end on their terms—or, at least, end with a little advance notice. No such luck.

ABC reminded me of this misconception a couple of months ago with the sudden (and simultaneous) cancellation of three sophomore series: Pushing Daisies, Eli Stone, and Dirty Sexy Money. I hadn’t gotten into Dirty Sexy Money, but I was a big fan of the other two. And this move by ABC—cancelling three series in one fell swoop—struck me as particularly ruthless. At least when shows are cancelled individually, I can pretend like it was a hard decision for the network to make. But when three shows are cancelled at once, it just seems to me like the network just made a snap business decision regardless of each show’s merits. What a stark reminder of just how much of a numbers game the TV biz is.

The following post was originally published on my old blog on January 21, 2009.

First a pipe burst in my parents’ house. Then the insurance company compensated them generously. Then my parents upgraded my old bedroom to a media center with a beautiful LCD TV. And then, on the next vacation I had from school, I was utterly spoiled. Spoiled not because I could set the DVR to wake me up to Discovery’s Sunrise Earth (one of the most pastoral, minimalistic hymns to the beauty of nature available on basic cable), but because high-definition television is life-changing. Once you go HD, you never go back.

So, why, I beg of you, why do networks insist on slumming it by broadcasting shows in standard definition? My mom, lover of dancing shows that she is, recently checked out NBC’s Superstars of Dance. Host Michael Flatley proclaims that it is the “greatest dance competition show on Earth.” Oh, really, Michael? Then why isn’t it broadcast in high definition? That turned me off from the show even before the insipid “international” judges opened their mouths.

It’s also a problem when your favorite shows are available in high definition, but you don’t get the HD channel as part of your cable package. I love Mad Men and Damages, but it was painful to watch those shows last season in SD. Luckily, we have since been granted AMC HD, but up until a couple of weeks ago, FX HD was still nowhere to be found. But then I found out that we were on an outdated plan and that we could receive all the HD channels, present and future, for $5 less than we’re paying now. Hallelujah!

I’ve often said that when I graduate college and get an apartment, a DVR and an HDTV will be necessities. But, in the meantime, I’ll enjoy the beauty of high definition while I’m here at home on our full collection of HD channels… so long as networks actually broadcast high-def programming.