(Revised! See the afterword below!)

The recent box office success of The Avengers got me wondering: why don’t blockbusters ever start on the small-screen? Why can’t the stories behind these tentpole movies (which are often novels or comics) be reformatted episodically and aired as limited-run series? Wouldn’t advertisers be tripping over themselves to put their commercials in such a broadcast? Wasn’t the six-part Roots adaptation one of the highest-rated television events ever?

That got me to running some numbers. Let’s imagine the final Harry Potter book as a 36-part series by arbitrarily splitting the story into the novel’s 36 chapters (grouping the epilogue in with the last chapter). Such a series would run nicely between the beginning of September and the end of May—the span of the normal broadcast TV season—even if the series took a week off for the winter holidays. And for the gross, let’s use that of the last must-see TV event, this year’s Super Bowl.

• Average cost of a Super Bowl XLVI commercial, according to Forbes: $3.5 million
• Total number of 30-second commercials in a Harry Potter series, even each of the 36 episodes had 3 minutes for commercial breaks: 216
• Total gross for 216 commercials, with each one priced at $3.5 million: $756 million
• Total domestic gross of both Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow films, according to IMDB: $676 million

Granted, maintaining a Super Bowl-sized audience over the span of nine months would be tough, nay impossible! So let’s say advertisers were only willing to pay half that. So, to compensate, the network would have to allocate six minutes for commercial breaks. But that’s still fine, since most TV dramas air around three times that amount of ads per hour—usually 18 minutes or so. So just for funsies, let’s adjust the model to that norm.

But really, it would make more sense to just let one advertiser have exclusive rights to an episode’s commercials. (Often, a company will sponsor a TV episode with limited commercial interruption if theirs are the only ads run.)

Okay, but what about the production cost?

Not so impressive, I admit But let me refer you back to the gross of 2.27 billion!

Let’s think about the other benefits.

A hot, steaming cup of TV news, ready for you to guzzle:

• Anderson Cooper has had another one of his famous giggling fits on air, and it’s so unflattering but so adorable. Yes, I call Anderson adorable. Okay? Totes adorbs.
• Patrick Dempsey channelled his Grey’s Anatomy character’s heroism recently by pulling a Malibu teen from his flipped Mustang, waiting with him until the paramedics arrived, and even calling the teen’s mother to update her on her son’s condition.
• I’m loving Big Love right now, and I’m especially loving three leading ladies: Jeannie Tripplehorn, Chloë Sevigny, and Ginnifer Goodwin. So it thrills me to no end that Sevigny (who’s name I just had to Google to pronounce) will be a star of the next season of American Horror Story, playing a character named “Shelly the Nymphomaniac” who faces off with Jessica Lange’s character in an insane asylum.
• Feeling the pride? Hulu now has an LGBTQ category, including content from here! TV.
• Still no word on the fate of next season’s pilots, save for two. ABC’s Counter Culture (a multi-camera sitcom about three sisters running a Texas diner) has been shut down after star Delta Burke injured herself the set. (Now that’s… “counter”-productive?) Also, CBS shuttered production on the dubiously-titled Quean (about a “millennial hacker girl”) amid speculation that it was too Dragon Tattoo.
• As a fan of shows exploring the human condition while masquerading as sci-fi or fantasy (hello, Battlestar), I’m very eager to check out Syfy’s Defiance, set to debut in 2013. Starring Dexter‘s Julie Benz and Jaime Murray, True Blood‘s Grant Bowler, Lost‘s Fionnula Flanagan, Mia Kirshner, as well as Tony Curran, Stephanie Leonidas, and Oscar-nominee Graham Greene; the series, says Deadline, “introduces a completely transformed planet Earth, inhabited by the survivors of a universal war. Forced to co-habitate, the disparate group struggles to build a new society among the devastation. The dramatic tapestry of the series and the intense action of the game will exist in a single universe where their respective narratives will inform one another and evolve together into one overall story.”
• Various showrunners commiserated on Twitter about their least favorite chapters in the shows they created. Exchanging tweets, Damon Lindelof called Lost‘s third season “uneven,” Shonda Rhimes wanted to “hide in a dark cave” after contemplating Grey’s Anatomy‘s fourth and fifth seasons, and Bill Lawrence criticized all of his shows: Spin City, Scrubs, and Cougar Town.
• Ryan Murphy & Co. might be regretting enlisting Lindsay Lohan to play herself in Glee: apparently the fading-starlet showed up anywhere from three to six hours late, depending on whose report you read.
• And finally, for longtime readers of this blog, you might be amused to see that I’ve finally updated the background image to reflect the current TV schedule, instead of one from the fall of 2009. Goodbye, Aughts; hello, Tens!

Often, a TV show’s 100th episode is viewed as a milestone. Not only because it’s such a rare occurrence among shows in today’s cutthroat market, but because it also makes the show eligible for syndication. (Ka-ching!) We bloggers are less lucky. No one is baking me a cake or popping a bottle of bubbly, and TNT certainly isn’t offering me wads of cash for rerun rights. But hey, this is still my hundredth post, and I’m damn proud of that fact! And in celebration of that fact, here are my ten favorite posts so far. (Not that every post isn’t pure gold…)

• The Blog Post Where Plot Twists Go to Die for not only its content but also its awesome Dawson pic.
• “Mad Men” Poster Madly Dissected because somewhere out there, someone is analyzing the poster to the exact same degree, only earnestly.
• Shit My Boyfriend Says because we all have shit to say about shows we don’t (and do) watch, and often, it’s justified.
• “Gossip Girl” Is Not Terrible—There, I’ve Said It! because admittance is the first step to recovery.
• The Ex List because breaking up is hard to do, but it’s so vital to a TV critic’s mental health.
• Seven Kingdoms Come: HBO’s “Game of Thrones” because that show’s fanboys/girls glommed onto this post in droves one awesome Friday.
• The Cult of the Almighty Spoiler because the accompanying image seems so absurd/perfect.
• The Everywhere Actors because it’s so true… now where’s Stephen Root on this list?
• Cool Spies Don’t Look at Explosions because I love Alias, but it can be ridiculous sometimes.
• Give These Actors a Take Two! because this post along brings in the most traffic—is my blog the only Google result for these folks?

Thanks for reading my blog so far, folks. And I’m not nearly done! Let’s meet up again at #200.

Aaron Sorkin is an idol of mine—a true wordsmith whose whip-smart writing has exalted Sports Night, The West Wing, and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip on television and A Few Good Men, The American President, Charlie Wilson’s War, The Social Network, and Moneyball on film. (And now he’s even getting in the Broadway game, teaming up with Hugh Jackman and Wicked songster Stephen Schwartz for a musical about Houdini.)

So imagine my unbridled glee when I heard that he was coming back to television. (I wasn’t sure he would after the untimely demise of Studio 60). And I was even more psyched when I found out that he’d be berthed at HBO, where he’d presumably have more creative freedom and less pressure to deliver instant ratings. Add to that an interesting cast including Jeff Daniels, Jane Fonda, Allison Pill, Dev Patel, Sam Waterston, Olivia Munn, and Emily Mortimer. And, mercifully, either he or HBO changed the title—More As This Story Develops did not inspire happy thoughts.

So when the trailer for it finally dropped last week… it slipped right by me. But I did finally catch on. Check it out for yourself below, and then scroll down further for my reactions.

• 0:05: Cue tense, two-note piano music.
• 0:08: I think I’ve seen this guy cast as a d-bag in about seven shows.
• 0:11: “The Jay Leno of news anchors.” Hah! Love it.
• 0:25: Impending migrane? Or Hulk-out?
• 0:33: Jeff Daniels is already an Emmy nominee, no?
• 0:34: The woman in the front row does a really good “OMG” face.
• 0:57: “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” Oh, right, it’s an HBO show.
• 1:00: Was that “You somebody”? Or “Yosemite”?
• 1:02: Cue Black-Keys-esque music.
• 1:045 Who let the Slumdog out?
• 1:09: Jane Fonda, ladies and gentlemen!
• 1:11: “I’m a registered Republican. I only seem liberal because I believe that hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure and not gay marriage.” Sorkin’s back, y’all!
• 1:38: “How do you fix breaking news?” the trailer asks. That’s a snappy tagline. As the raptor hunter once said to the raptor, “Clever girl!”
• 1:42: The sound of Blackberry hitting camera is perfect. But why did the guy in the control room duck? I thought the 3D news bit was just a joke.
• 1:50: I don’t know what I’ve seen more of: people leaning forward emphatically or Jeff Daniels throwing things.
• 1:52: Will’s mane shakes as he yells, emphasizing the point that about he and about four other characters need haircuts.
• 1:54: Apparently, no one told the cinematographer to never shoot until you see the whites of their eyes. Jane’s in those shadows somewhere.

And yes, that is all stream-of-consciousness. I am that witty instantaneously. In no way did I go back and punch up my bons mots.

In all sincerity, this trailer shows real potential. But I have to remark upon the similarities between what we see here and the pilot episode of Studio 60: after a media personality’s on-air meltdown, his show gets a revamp and fresh blood as the network execs cast doubts about the show’s future. Plus, this will have been Aaron Sorkin’s third show about a show.

Nevertheless, I’m optimistic. With the critical acclaim surrounding The Social Network and Moneyball, Sorkin seems to be at the top of his game nowadays. So it’s exciting that he’ll get to grace us with thirteen hours of his writerly craftsmanship every season. Plus, it seems like the perfect mesh of his previous two shows. Whereas The West Wing was a cultural touchstone for blending politics and drama, Studio 60 was criticized for imbuing the showbiz drama with too much politics; so The Newsroom seems like the logical next step, a hybrid of the two which plays to Sorkin’s strengths. Now if only he’d write Bradley Whitford and Allison Janney into the show somehow…

Or, Everything That’s Ever Been Spoiled For Me

Try as hard as I might, there’s no escaping spoilers in my role as (amateur) TV critic. As I’ve said before, I’m incapable keeping up with all the worthwhile, buzz-worthy, quality TV on the air today. And while most blogs and publications are good about preceding spoilers with warnings and burying plot reveals in the body of an article instead of leading with them, others are not so conscientious. And even with the diligent outlets, there is a statute of limitations with spoilers—at a certain point, after an arbitrary amount of time has passed, it has to be allowable to rehash and discuss major plot points without recrimination. So I don’t always blame the spoil-er for the spoiling; I just regret that it happened (unless I just don’t care).

At the risk of paying the sin forward, here are all the twists that have been ruined for me—only posted for the amusement of curious readers! For those of you who are reading this on my blog, I’ve redacted the spoiler so that you have to highlight it to read it. For those of you who are reading this on an RSS feed, you might be S.O.L. This is a veritable minefield of killjoy spoilerage, so proceed with caution. And have fun!

• The Walking Dead: I knew that there was a substantial plot twist recently and that actor Jon Bernthal has been making press circuits, so I had my suspicions—and I’ve since found out that, yes, Shane dies.
• Dexter: To the dismay of my boyfriend, who got me into the show, I had long since read that the Trinity Killer killed Dexter’s wife Rita.
• Game of Thrones: I forget how I read it, but I knew that whatever character Sean Bean plays is beheaded even before HBO the sensationalistic (and, might I add, clever) promotional poster that depicts his head on a pike.
• Desperate Housewives: Thanks to a full-page article in Entertainment Weekly and a clip that ran on one of the morning shows, I now know that Mike Delfino dies. (Interestingly, many other TV fans were spoiled when the plot twist was referenced in the Nicollette Sheridan trial days before the episode aired.) I’m not devastated about it; I’ve been dragging my heels on watching my Housewives backlog anyway.
• Battlestar Galactica: Dammit, TV Guide. Here I was innocently leafing through their BSG issue when, all of a sudden, I came across a picture of four of the final five Cylons (and I’m not saying who here because I’m still hoping to get my boyfriend into the show).
• The Amazing Race: Every season, I inevitably fall behind on this competition show, and more often than not, I hear about who won the big shebang.
• Grey’s Anatomy: I’m pretty sure I knew that Denny died before I caught up with the seasons I’d missed on Netflix. And now that I’m covering the show for Wetpaint, I’m privy to a lot of spoilers. I was allowed to watch one screener this season which had a disclaimer asking critics not to reveal “what happens to Henry” in that episode. Gee, can you guess?
• Once Upon a Time: I found out that the sheriff died, breaking the heart of the Jennifer Morrison character, but I don’t feel too upset about it because a) I’ve only watched one episode, and b) I hear that death isn’t permanent on that show anyway.
• Gossip Girl: I knew that Dan and Blair became romantic while I was still boycotting the show. And now that I’ve seen it happen, I don’t hate the idea!
• Parenthood: A thumbnail on Hulu gave away the fact that not only did Jasmine forgive Crosby, but they got married, too.
• So You Think You Can Dance: My boyfriend and I heard who had won the latest season (Melanie, was it?) as we were still watching the first few episodes. It didn’t really matter, though, because the season was so uninspiring that we didn’t even finish watching it.
• Six Feet Under: I know that the Peter Krause character (Nate?) has some sort of stroke which makes him start saying nonsensical words right before he dies.
• The West Wing: I think I remember that the Jimmy Smits character wins the election, replacing Jed Bartlet as president. I also know that Leo dies by virtue of the sad fact that the actor, John Spencer, passed away in the midst of the series.
• The X-Files: I knew that Mulder was abducted because I remembered seeing him practically flayed by alien technology in a FOX promo years before I watched it.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I know that Buffy’s mom dies. And maybe the Alyson Hannigan character, too?
• The Wire: The kid played by Tristan Wilds shoots some girl in a car…? Is that right? And also, does Omar die?
• Friday Night Lights: One of the teens commits murder? Maybe?
• Alias: I’m pretty sure I Googled out spoilers (but I don’t remember which) back in the days before I wanted to stay pure.
• Lost: Actually, no! I’m adding this to the list because I think I actively dodged spoilers pretty effectively. Take that!

I am happy to announce that Primetimely has a new affiliate: GenreTV, a fantastic blog written by my good friend Kayti Burt which focuses mainly on that television content deemed “genre” (not your typical cop-lawyer-doctor fare, to say the least). I’m happy our two blogs are besties, especially because we can repost awesome entries from each other’s blogs. Speaking of, here’s what she had to say at the beginning of this month about Awake, an ambitious new NBC drama which I’ve been chomping at the bit to see ever since watching the preview.

Warning: This trailer [embedded below] gives pretty much everything away from the first episode – though, the show is so good, it might not matter. Awake premieres tonight at 10 p.m. on NBC.

Awake tells the story of Michael Britten, a man who, after getting into a horrific car accident with his family, creates two realities: one in which his son survived the accident, and one in which his wife did. The catch? He cannot determine which one is real and which one is a dream, assuming those are the only two options.

As the pilot progresses, we discover that this is not the only distinction between the two realities. A detective, he is forced to see a psychiatrist in each version of his life. Each has their own distinct personality and method of treatment, but both insist their reality is the real one. Britten also works with different partners in each reality. In one reality, Britten is paired with Efrem Vega (Wilmer Valderrama), a rookie detective, only given the promotion to keep an eye on Britten, while in the other, Bird Freeman (Steve Harris) continues as Britten’s long-time partner.

Though it is only the first episode, we already begin to see signs of the wear and tear on Britten’s psyche. Details of the cases he is working in either reality begin to bleed together. In a particularly frantic moment when Britten momentarily cannot find his wife, he cuts his hand in an attempt to wake up. Though he wears colored bands on his wrist – green for his son, red for his wife – to keep the realities straight, we can only suspect that the struggle to keep them straight will only get harder. Still, Britten is committed to holding onto both worlds.

The pilot, written by Kyle Killen (Lone Star) and directed by David Slade (Eclipse), is beautifully shot and constructed. I can only hope this level of quality is maintained as the program progresses. The factor that really ties it together, however, is the performance from English actor Jason Isaacs. Isaacs, best known for his role as the dastardly Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter films, has made quite a career as the consummate villain. Here, sporting a flawless American accent (or at least my admittedly forgiving ear thought so), he turns in an affecting performance as a broken-yet-determined man. I cannot wait to see the chances he gets to further stretch his acting muscles as the demands of his condition start to take a real toll.

I will admit a certain degree of apprehension at the potential for longevity in the concept. The structure reminds me a lot of British serial Life on Mars (later adapted into an American version that, I admit, I have not seen), which depicted a police detective who after being hit by a car woke up in the 1970s. He could not determine if he was in a coma and dreaming the entire thing up, if he had actually traveled through time, or if he had always been in the 1970s and was just crazy. Chaos ensued, but the entire series lasted only 16 episodes. That structure, much like this one, does not leave a huge amount of room for development. Still, the creative minds behind the project seem trustworthy (Awake’s showrunner is Howard Gordon, writer of 24 and Homeland), and I would follow Jason Isaacs just about anywhere (the supporting cast is not too shabby, either). Verdict: I’m wide awake.

If you don’t want to wait until tonight to watch it, check out the first episode on Hulu:

http://www.hulu.com/embed/oq6kyhIEyM-KdkyoahUMBw

• A Baltimore man was arrested on a handgun charge recently, and he happens to share the same name as a notorious character on The Wire: Omar Little, Jr.
• FOX chose not to renew Terra Nova for a second season, but word on the street is that Netflix is interested in picking it up.
• Keri Russell has joined the FX pilot “The Americans,” as a KGB spy living with an arranged husband in Washington D.C. during the 1980s.
• Nickelodeon is bringing back 1990s game show Figure It Out, in which a panel of celebrities have to parse out the layperson-guest’s unique talent.
• Sigourney Weaver is set to play a divorced-First-Lady-turned-Secretary-of-State in a new series on USA entitled Political Animals.
• A&E is developing a series called Bates Motel, which provides the backstory of Norman Bates, the killer in Psycho.
• Matthew Perry will make a return to dramatic television in a multi-episode arc on The Good Wife.
• The cast of Parenthood lent their lip-syncing talent to a music video for Landon Pigg (boyfriend of series star Mae Whitman), and it’s adorable. (The video is embedded at the end of this post, too.)
• Speaking of which, Bill O’Reilly has his panties in a bunch that Parenthood aired a scene in which 16-year-old Drew has sex with his girlfriend. Let alone that Parenthood is just about the most endearing, innocuous show you’re ever likely to find on the tube.
• FOX has American Idol, NBC has The Voice, and now ABC is trying to get in the celebrity-mentored singing competition game with Duets. The show will feature Kelly Clarkson, Lionel Richie, Jennifer Nettles, and Robin Thicke finding talented voices and performing duets with them until America picks one winning duo.
• The crew of FOX’s drama Alcatraz happened to knock on the door of a woman whose parked car was impeding the filming of a car at the same time as said woman was having a cardiac event. Thanks to their fast acting, the woman lived to tell the tale, saying, “The next thing I knew, it looked like 10 handsome men were in my room. [...] I clearly needed to go to the hospital. I didn’t know what was happening to my heart.”
• Glee is planning a Whitney Houston tribute episode. That the episode in which Mercedes sang “I Will Always Love You” aired mere days after Houston’s death was apparently just a coincidence.

It should be no surprise that Glee has fallen in the ranks of my favorite shows. What used to be appointment TV is now Hulu-days-later TV. I feel like it doesn’t have the same pizazz, the same bite, the same freshness. So imagine my surprise when I found the most recent episode, “On My Way,” to be one of the most important hours of television of this season… or maybe of any season. In the story, Karofsky—whose bullying of Kurt stemmed from his own closetedness—becomes the target of physical and cyber bullying himself, and he tries to take his own life. The students and faculty at McKinley then grapple to empathize and to process their guilt. Finally, Kurt visits Karofsky and helps him imagine a happy future—one worth living to experience.

The episode aired with public service announcements from The Trevor Project, an organization whose mission is “to end suicide among LGBTQ youth by providing life-saving and life-affirming resources including our nationwide, 24/7 crisis intervention lifeline, digital community and advocacy/educational programs that create a safe, supportive and positive environment for everyone.” (And the same PSAs also ran on Hulu.)

I was very lucky that I never had to be forced out of the closet, and that I could tell the world on my own terms; and even luckier that when I did, I was received with love and support. I don’t take that for granted. So many others aren’t so lucky, and I can imagine how easy it would be for them to feel alone and helpless. That’s why causes like The Trevor Project are so vital. Now, LGBTQ teens don’t have to feel isolated. When they think that their lives are meaningless and hopeless, there’s someone a phone call away to tell them otherwise.

I love the frivolous, funny episodes of Glee as much as the next fan; but I think the show is at its best when it addresses our society’s issues and debates, sometimes even using shock tactics to get people to sit up and take notice. The stellar on-screen performances aside, I give the writing team a lot of props for using the breadth of the show’s cultural influence to shed light on an important issue and, better yet, an important solution. (And from the installment’s cliffhanger ending, it seems like the next issue the show tackles is texting-while-driving.)

The episode is viewable here (for as long as it’s available on Hulu), and you can read more about The Trevor Project here.

If I were a student at a small liberal arts school in rural Massachusetts, and my Media Studies professor asked me to analyze the newest Mad Men poster (in no fewer than 3 pages, double-spaced, 12-pt Times New Roman), here’s how I would totally bullshit that paper. (Disclaimer: all of the papers I wrote in college involved hours of research, much soul-searching,and extensive meta-analysis.) Here’s the poster, and below is the pretension.

• The female mannequin has no face, indicating how little Don Draper is concerned with his sexual partners’ identities.
• The male mannequin has no face, representing the flux of Don’s own personas and identities.
• The female mannequin’s lower sexual organ is concealed, representing society’s expectation for him to remain chaste in extramarital contexts.
• Don’s face is inscrutably impassive, representing the constant compartmentalization of his emotions.
• It is unclear whether Don is looking at the tableau or at his own reflection. In the case of the latter, his blank expression perhaps signifies a failure to recognize himself.
• The robe, pajamas, and flowers are maroon, a hue between red (evoking Don’s carnal lust) and purple (evoking his status as social/professional royalty).
• The desaturated blues and grays of the rest of the image echo the cold apathy of Don’s milieu, the city.
• The female is naked and standing, while the male seems to gaze upon her while clothed and seated, reinforcing the era’s rampant gender inequality.
• Don perhaps leers at the female’s naked form along with the male, affirming his libidinous and maybe even lecherous mindset.

Enough! Uncle! Now that I’ve been a blowhard, let’s get real: this poster is brilliant. Don is not only pausing to look at a fellow advertiser’s work, but the display has been subverted with a simple act of physics, and the result is that Don is looking at his own life being reflected back at him. Nice work, AMC (or AMC’s advertising firm, rather). I’d imagine even Don would be impressed with this advertisement.

I’ve barely had the opportunity to check out this current season’s new shows (damn you, full time job!), but it is indeed February which means the networks are busy ordering pilots for next fall. After studying the lineup provided by EW.com, I’ve made the following observations. Warning: harsh and perhaps unfair first impressions ahead!

• Remakes are no longer en vogue but are still extant: NBC has producer Bryan Fuller (Dead Like Me, Pushing Daisies) putting his own spin on The Munsters in a pilot called Mockingbird Lane, and ABC and the CW are both developing Beauty and the Beast adaptations.
• Some pilots’ titles are very literal, which can either be a good thing (Fox’s comedy Prodigy Bully) or a bad thing (CBS’s drama Widow Detective and ABC’s drama Devious Maids).
• Other terrible titles abound throughout the list. I love the idea of ABC’s period drama from Shonda Rhimes (about the opening of a luxury New York hotel in 1895), but I can’t stand the title, Gilded Lillys. CBS’s comedy about a playboy blogger who lands a hosting gig on public radio sounds funny, but the title Living Loaded makes it sound like low-rent entertainment. And though it’s a great word and super-fun to say, Scruples is just too weird of a moniker for ABC’s drama about a woman who goes from zero to Beverly-Hills-boutique-owning hero.
• I have no inclination to watch another Dick Wolf procedural. Can you guess what NBC’s Chicago Fire is about?
• That said, NBC has a lot of potential on its dramatic slate. Beautiful People chronicles an uprising of a robot servant class. The Frontier satisfies all my Oregon Trail nostalgia. Bad Girls sounds like a grittier version of the “Cellblock Tango” sequence in Chicago. County, a story about a hospital struggling with both its morality and its funding comes from producer Jason Katims and star Jason Ritter, whose joint work on Parenthood rocks. And hey, Midnight Sun has Alaska and communes and conspiracies!
• CBS’s drama Quean has two strikes against it. The title, which I presume to be the protagonist’s surname, sounds like a fetishistic sex act. And the description is seriously dated: “An edgy and independent millennial-hacker girl teams up with an Oakland police detective to solve crimes.” Uh, “millennial-hacker girl”? Hey, 1999 called: it wants its logline back.
• Furthermore, dear writers of CBS’s Friend Me, making Groupon your protagonists’ employer—and, frankly, calling your comedy Friend Me—reeks of a desperate ploy to appear current.
• Roseanne Barr is returning to scripted TV in NBC’s comedy Downwardly Mobile, in which she plays the mother hen of a trailer park filled with down-on-their-luck characters. I’m down with that premise, but I’m seriously biased against multi-camera sitcoms (i.e. sitcoms with three-sided sets, unnatural lighting, and laugh tracks). I think this show would be a lot more appealing if the trailer park were more of a world and less of a set.
• Otherwise funny people like Jimmy Fallon, Sarah Silverman, and Mindy Kaling are writing comedies that sound pretty blah. Then again, I can’t imagine Friends had an exciting logline either.
• The supernatural once again gets a lot of play this pilot season, especially on ABC. In Gotham, a woman discovers an unseen, magical world in New York City that reinvents familiar landmarks in an “otherworldly manner”. (Consider my curiosity piqued.) And in 666 Park Ave., a couple becomes the managers of a historic and supernatural apartment building. (Sort of an old conceit, but an evergreen one.)
• The CW is creating a prequel to Sex and the City based on author Candace Bushnell’s novel The Carrie Diaries. Bear in mind that the network already tried doing an 80s-set spin-off of Gossip Girl, and that never got off the ground.
• The Selection, a drama pilot in the works at the CW, is about a young girl from a poor family who is, well, selected to compete to become an embattled country’s queen. It’s not The Hunger Games, but it sounds awfully close.
• Continuing TV’s fixation with the 1960s (read: Mad Men, The Playboy Club, Pan Am), CBS is developing a drama about Ralph Lamb, a real-life rodeo cowboy in who became a Las Vegas sheriff in that decade. I love the era, I’m curious about the premise… might I be lassoed in?
• I’m also intrigued by J.J. Abrams’ latest project, NBC’s drama Revolution, which features a society suddenly devoid of energy. (I’m assuming we’re talking energy sources here.)
• But my favorite premise is that of ABC’s Last Resort, a drama about a submarine crew that goes rogue, stations the craft in a NATO outpost, and stakes their place as a new nuclear nation.

or, A Television-Related Word Association Experiment With the Love of My Life

Here’s a list of every current show I watch, and my boyfriend’s instant reaction to each.

• 30 Rock “Oh, Tina Fey…” (smiles)
• American Horror Story ”Thrills me.”
• Boardwalk Empire “Costumes…”
• Breaking Bad “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t know.  Come back to me with that one.”
• Burn Notice “Never saw it… oh, but that guy is hot.”
• Californication “Gah… can’t get into it… but I want to.”
• Community “Growing on me.”
• Cougar Town “Stupid.”
• Covert Affairs “Oh, Piper Peek-a-boo.  That’s what my dad calls her… looks pretty stupid, though.  It looks like a dumbed-down Alias, if Alias could be any dumber.”
• Curb Your Enthusiasm ”I hate Seinfeld.”
• Damages “I don’t know anything about that show.  What is that show?”
• Desperate Housewives ”Ugh… desperate.”
• Dexter “Love it.  Those cat eyes.”
• Fringe “Ugh… it has that guy from Dawson’s Creek.”
• Glee “Oh, I love Lea Michele.  Oh!  Mercedes!  What’s her name in real life?”
• Gossip Girl “Ed. Westwick. Two words.”
• Grey’s Anatomy (gags ) “Menopause.”
• Justified “I wanna watch that.  It has that guy with the French last name that sounds like ‘elephant.’ E-le-phant.  You should use those French accents.”
• Louie “Say that again?”
• Mad Men (sighs) “Upsets me.”
• Modern Family “Oh my god.  I could watch that all day.”
• Nikita “Oh my god… the CW…”
• Once Upon a Time “I love Ginnifer Goodwin.  Godwin.  Goodwin.”
• Parenthood “I adore that show.”
• Parks and Recreation (smiles admiringly and shrugs)
• Private Practice “Ugh… keep it private.”
• Raising Hope “Babies.”
• Revenge “Oh, that’s the girl I’m gonna see soon in ‘Bros and Hos’ [our nickname for Brothers and Sisters].  Living in the Hamptons is so nice.  Except I hate those people.”
• So You Think You Can Dance “The judges really think they can talk”
• The A-List: New York “Not a list I want to be a part of.  Not ‘a list‘.” (laughs)
• The Buried Life “Oh.  That’s like a bucket list for adult people.  Or, or for kids.  I do want to watch that.”
• The Glee Project ”I really hated those kids.  And I did not like the results.”
• The Good Wife “Always hesitant to start, but I love it by the end.  That Kalinda: she can seduce everyone, and she’s really not that hot.  But she’s cunning.  She’s kind of like an animal actually.  Don’t you think so?  She just kinda fills her animalistic needs.”
• The Office “Ugh… never got into it.  I love Steve Carrell.  And I love that British dude who insults everyone.”
• The Sing-Off  “Nick Lachey is a really dumb host.”
• The Voice ”Oh, we were on that.”
• The Walking Dead “I really don’t like anything that has to do with zombies, except for 28 Days Later.”
• True Blood “Oh my god.  ’Sookie.’  That is also one of the first shows to make a gay person of color a main character, and in a really positive way.  People respect him.”
• Top Chef  “My dream career.  That show tantalizes me.  That shows tantalizes my every vittle.” (laughs)  ”What do you want for dinner tonight?”

My year-end accolades (or year-beginning ones, as the case may be) always come with a disclaimer: I haven’t watched all the awesome TV out there. There’s no Boardwalk Empire on this list, no Homeland, no Game of Thrones… and I can’t even award Breaking Bad because I’ve only seen three episodes of this year’s season! But, c’mon, every TV critic must be missing out on something worthwhile… at least, those TV critics with social lives. (And I should know—I used to not have one to speak of!) Anyway, enough navel-gazing. Of the shows I’ve followed consistently, here are my favorites.

1. American Horror Story
2. The Good Wife (2010: #8)
3. Modern Family (2010: #4)
4. Justified (2010: #10)
5. Dexter
6. Parenthood
7. Community (2010: #5)
8. Parks and Recreation (2010: #7)
9. Fringe (2010: #6)
10. True Blood

We all watch television in eager anticipation of those watercooler moments—those moments so shocking, so emotional, so incredibly awesome that we have to a) rewind to watch them about twenty times and b) rehash them to death with all of our fellow watchers. And I honor my picks for those moments here, along with video clips of each moment from YouTube and Hulu (which will hopefully still work in six months). Bear in mind that I did not (and surely could not) see every worthwhile show on television in 2011, and I might be behind on the ones I do watch, so I will most certainly snub deserving moments. Also, I chose not to go Googling to remember these events; if they didn’t come immediately to mind, they must not be momentous enough to merit a place on this list.

WARNING: MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD! You may just want to look at the show names in the parentheses before looking at the description to keep yourself pure. You’ve been warned!

1. Alicia finds out (The Good Wife) that Kalinda slept with her husband Peter, since only she knows that the name of his rumored mistress, Leila, is the name with which Blake would constantly refer to Kalinda.
2. Debra sees Dexter kill (Dexter), and now we’re dying to know now how strong their familial bonds are—will she arrest him, protect him, or aid and abet him?
3. Adele learns she has Alzheimer’s (Grey’s Anatomy) passing through denial, anger, and grief all within the span of a tour de force monologue, thanks to an Emmy-winning performance by Loretta Devine.
4. Zeek lectures Amber (Parenthood) after she gets in a car accident because her friend was drunk, saying, “You do not have my permission to mess with my dreams.”
5. Gus uses the box cutter (Breaking Bad) on his henchman Victor’s neck, wordlessly putting the fear of God (or is that the fear of Gus?) into insubordinate Walt and Jesse.
6. Violet realizes she’s dead (American Horror Story) when she finds her rotting corpse deep in the bowels of the Murder House, and she realizes that her suicide attempt days earlier was successful.
7. The multiverse forgets Peter (Fringe) as if he never existed, and he was only trying to stop the destruction of our universe by the other and vice versa.
8. Debbie shoots Tara (True Blood) with a bullet meant for Sookie, making this season finale the bloodiest and most tragic episode yet.
9. Michael says goodbye (The Office), ending the comedy king’s reign in Scranton on a surprisingly sincere and touching note.
10. Henry dies (Grey’s Anatomy) on Cristina’s operating table, while Henry’s wife Teddy operates in the next room, misled to believe the surgery is a success.
11. Dexter finds the professor’s frozen body (Dexter) and realizes that Travis is the monster himself, not just the lackey—and worse, he’s schizo.
12. The Troubletones sing “Rumour Has It/Someone Like You” (Glee), a mash-up showcasing the emotion-laden vocals of Mercedes and Santana, with some fine choreography to boot.
13. Adam and Kristina fight (Parenthood), which not only displayed superb acting by Peter Krause and Monica Potter but also proved that the relationships developed by this show’s writers are among the most realistic you’re likely to find on TV.
14. Callie sings “The Story” (Grey’s Anatomy)—really just an excuse for Sara Ramirez to sing a showstopping number, and damn if she didn’t sing her heart out.
15. Blake leaves Kalinda with a parting shot (The Good Wife), telling her that he knows that she slept with Peter—and we get a rare glimpse of a vulnerable and scared Kalinda.

• BONUS: “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait… wait. I worry what you just heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was: ‘Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.’ Do you understand?” – Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation 

   

The start of a new year makes us all reflect on the previous 365 days, but it makes this blogger reminisce not only about the year that was but also the television that was. That’s right: as is tradition this time of year, it’s time for another round of the Primies. Not the most prestigious awards, perhaps, but let’s hope it’s a bit more entertaining (and maybe even more credible) than last night’s People Choice Awards? In any case, here are the characters I appreciated the most in 2011. And I should also take this opportunity to categorically commend the actors who portray these characters, since even the best writing needs the perfect delivery. Finally, let this be a warning to all ye who continue: spoilers abound!

1. Debra Morgan (Dexter) This season saw this profanity-spewing Miami Metro detective was make lieutenant, but the promotion alienated her from her team. Couple that loneliness with her disconnectedness with her brother, and the revelation of what that dependency means, and the revelation of who her brother is; and you get a woman for whom every aspect of life is unraveling. Played by Jennifer Carpenter.
2. Mags Bennett (Justified) The matriarch of the Bennett family was always ready with a glass of her famous “apple pie” on top of the table and a sawed-off shotgun below it. She could have easily been portrayed as a backwoods simpleton, but her cunning and deviousness almost outstripped Raylan’s in the culmination of the Bennett/Givens feud. Played by Margo Martindale.
3. Kristina Braverman (Parenthood) Kristina has a lot on her plate these days: a teenage daughter on the brink of adulthood, a son with Asberger’s, a weeks-old baby, and a husband starting his own business—not to mention a zany bunch of in-laws. And she handles it all with an admirable amount of patience and compassion, but her humanity truly comes through when it all proves too much for her. That realness makes her brand of “parenthood” the most relatable of the show. Played by Monica Potter.
4. Gloria Delgado-Pritchett (Modern Family) Disregarding her sex appeal (reluctantly), Gloria is a pleasure to watch every week because of two reasons: her Colombian accent is ripe for comedy, and her references to her upbringing—e.g. any anecdote starting off with “In my country…”—are reliably funny. Played by Sofia Vergara.
5. Santana Lopez (Glee) Despite the Glee fatigue some of us are feeling, one of the better developments of late is the amount of time Santana is in the spotlight. Once known as the other Cheerio singing back-up for Quinn, this pistol from Lima Heights Adjacent has been showing off her considerable pipes recently, particularly in duets with Mercedes. Played by Naya Rivera.
6. Constance Langdon (American Horror Story) Never mind that the Tinseltown limelight never shone upon her, never mind that she murdered her husband and her maid, and never mind that her children are all resting in peace (or otherwise), Constance is still unflappable—not to mention perfectly coiffed. Played by Jessica Lange.
7. Eli Gold (The Good Wife) A brilliant strategist, Eli’s political savvy and tactics won Peter Florrick the seat of State’s Attorney, but he always seems two poll points away from a nervous breakdown. In fact, he is at his comedic best when he loses his cool. (Talking to the chairman of the Democratic Committee, he sputters, “Where did you go to school, you idiot!”) Played by Alan Cumming.
8. Rubber Man (American Horror Story) Easily the most unnerving (if not totally terrifying) character of the year, the silent, omnipresent Rubber Man haunted, raped, and/or murdered inhabitants of the so-called Murder House—and we won’t even dwell on what he did with the fire poker. Played by Riley Schmidt, Evan Peters, and Dylan McDermott.
9. Lafayette Reynolds (True Blood) Honoring Lafayette on this list is long overdue, since his gaudy style and cutting remarks make him one of my (and so many other Truebies’) favorite characters. But he deserves even more recognition this season for being put through the ringer. Not only was he embodied by not one but two spirits, but his boyfriend and (presumably) his cousin lost their lives. Time will tell how or if he recovers from these blows. Played by Nelsan Ellis.
10. Amber Braverman (Parenthood) Amber has grown up so much since the days of her teenage rebellion, but she still has so much further to go. Her transition into adulthood and her struggles making it on her own are recognizable to me and probably anyone my age. Played by Mae Whitman.
11. Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl) After establishing herself as the Queen Bee of the Upper East Side youth the previous three seasons, Seasons 4 and 5 has shown a softer side of Blair—evidenced in her platonic dependence on Dan. And this Dan appreciates the dimensionality. Played by Leighton Meester.
12. Burt Chance (Raising Hope) Easily amused, never mature, and never quite capable or competent, Burt still transcends poor-white-trash humor and becomes endearing because he’s so good-natured and well-meaning. That said, he’s funniest when his stupidity rears its airy head. Played by Garret Dillahunt.
13. Tom Haverford (Parks and Recreation) Normally, this level of delusional confidence would grow tiresome, but with Tom, it’s always entertaining. His storylines are even funnier when his self-promotion comes this close to paying off before he puts his foot in his mouth or otherwise happens to blow his cover. Played by Aziz Ansari.
14. Dickie Bennett (Justified) Deficient of his mother’s cleverness, Dickie is a bit of an idiot—but a dangerous idiot because of his fast trigger-finger and even faster temper. Still, he had a hickish way with words, and for that I salute him. Played by Jeremy Davies.
15. Henry Burton (Grey’s Anatomy) Effortless charm is not a common personality trait, but Henry has it. And though he was never pessimistic about his health troubles (or anything else for that matter), Henry always struck me as an underdog type, which is why it was so good to see Teddy make him happy. Played by Scott Foley.

My other blogging gig is covering Grey’s Anatomy for Wetpaint Entertainment, and I wanted to share the following article here on Primetimely since it’s one of which I’m particularly proud. (You can see it in its original Wetpaint context here.) The preamble is true: I do love Grey’s—but I do see its faults and its wear and tears of age, and I have some humble suggestions.

We love Grey’s Anatomy, and not just because doing so is our job here at Wetpaint Entertainment. But we’re still critical of it — and while this season and the last were better than, say, seasons 5 and 6, we’re a long ways away from the Grey’s glory days. So we took it upon ourselves to make the show great again… or to at least offer the writers some friendly suggestions. Here are five prescriptions for the writers to administer once an episode until the show’s ailments subside.

A smaller cast
Season One had nine main characters. Season Two had ten. Season Eight? Fourteen. That’s fourteen characters who need substantial storylines in most (if not all) episodes. Might the writers be spread a bit too thin trying to serve all these actors? That said, we’re not looking to vote any characters off the proverbial island — and we certainly wouldn’t want to be the ones to choose who stays and who goes! — but maybe certain characters could be scaled back to “recurring” status. Maybe certain characters who haven’t had any notable storylines thus far. Like, say, a character whose name rhymes with Flaxen Savory.

More emotional pay-offs for each climactic episode
Grey’s Anatomy is known for its occasional blockbuster episode, which usually involves some tragedy besetting Seattle. Sometimes they come off as ratings ploys, and sometimes they transcend their sensational nature to usher in innovative drama. For example, the mass shooting at the hospital made for an incredible episode in its own right, but it also made Season 7 that much stronger, since the season dealt with the doctors healing their shattered world. The ferry crash made Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) face (and surrender to) her own mortality, and it also made Alex (Justin Chambers) assume a heroic role. But on the flip side, events like the sinkhole and the plane crash had no greater ramifications — they just made for exciting television commercials.

More tragedy
Ouch. We know. How dare we want the doctors to suffer? We’ll tell ya why — it makes for quality television. Izzie losing Denny, Bailey (Chanda Wilson) losing her husband, Richard (James Pickens Jr.) losing his sobriety and his wife, Cristina (Sandra Oh) losing her ability to operate, Meredith losing Zola, Arizona (Jessica Capshaw) losing her relationship, Callie (Sara Ramirez) nearly losing her life, et cetera, et cetera. When the doctors lose, Grey’s as a show wins. And the tragedy is even better when the audience knows something the doctors don’t, a.k.a. dramatic irony. For example, in this most recent episode, we knew that Cristina was operating on Henry when she didn’t, and we knew that Henry was dead when Teddy (Kim Raver) didn’t.

Closure
Regardless of what we think of the actors who portrayed them, we liked Burke, George, and Izzie. But none of these main characters had a satisfying send-off. Burke left Cristina at the altar and was never held accountable for his actions because Isaiah Washington was released from his contract. George O’Malley was hit by a bus, and Shonda Rhimes never got to write the one last episode for him that she wanted to because T.R. Knight declined to return. After being spurned by Alex, Izzie headed for Tacoma in an episode that was not intended to be her last because Katherine Heigl chose to leave the show for good. These abrupt departures make for choppy storytelling and fan frustration. Actors should be required to appear in one more farewell episode after their character dies or moves. Or, like our girl Kate Walsh, they should just come back once a season!

More Shonda episodes
Notice any commonality between the episodes we picked as our all-time favorites? Almost all of them were written by Shonda Rhimes — you know, the woman from whose brain this entire world and all of its drama and characters sprang? Don’t hold the fact that she wrote Crossroads against her; she has since become an absurdly talented writer on Grey’s, Private Practice, and the upcoming Scandal. There’s a reason why the episodes she writes are the most memorable, buzz-worthy chapters in each show’s saga.

Want more from Wetpaint Entertainment? Keep up on all things Grey’s Anatomy by Liking us on Facebook at facebook.com/GreysAnatomyFansite and Following us on Twitter at twitter.com/GreysWetpaint.

Like every other reputable TV critic, I’ve seen absolutely none of this season’s crop of new shows, except for the first episode and a half of New Girl. (Cut a guy some slack; we’ve been trying to slash Dexter from my to-watch list.) So since there’s no time like the holidays for frivolity, let me recklessly and unfairly pass judgment on all the broadcast network’s new scripted offerings… in haiku form! Bonus: Watch as my poetic form deteriorates toward the end of the post!

Charlie’s Angels
Lame reboot; no buzz
Not even Minka Kelley
could save these Angels

Pan Am
Flight attendant? Hah!
You call her “stewardess”
Or just say “Ricci.”

How To Be a Gentleman
In laugh-less sitcom,
One guy is Johnny Drama,
Other’s just up-tight

Allen Gregory
I’m not sure what makes
This Jonah-Hill-voiced kid
Diff’rent than Stewie…

Free Agents
They are coworkers.
They slept together. So what?
Happens all the time.

The Playboy Club
What happens when
Cute women in bunny suits
Meet Don Draper Lite?

Prime Suspect
No Helen Mirren.
Instead, Maria Bello
In a funny hat.

A Gifted Man
Surgeon sees dead wife.
Her work lives on through him.
Must have God complex!

Person of Interest
Michael Emerson
Is a creeper once again,
But for good this time!

Unforgettable
Total recall, huh?
Hard to fathom. I just bought
Ginkgo biloba.

Terra Nova
Love them dinosaurs.
Wish the graphics were better.
Wanna see peeps chomped!

Hart of Dixie
I’m guessing this show
Doesn’t center on the fine
Dixie paper goods line

Ringer
What is better than
One Sarah Michelle Gellar?
Twin SMGs! Duh!

Up All Night
Applegate, Arnett
And Rudolph. Would watch these guys
Almost anywhere.

Last Man Standing
Who runs the world? Girls!
Tim Allen doesn’t get that
Must be too washed up.

Suburgatory
Living in the ‘burbs
Is certaintly not hellish,
Just a bit boring.

The Secret Circle
CW loves
Supernatural shows, like
Supernatural.

Grimm
The guy can see beasts
Living amongst us humans
Like Michelle Bachmann.

Once Upon a Time
Ginnifer Goodwin
Is super cute. Even in this
Meta fairy tale.

2 Broke Girls
Cash-starved waitresses
Think they’re funny but only
Get laughs from laugh track.

New Girl
Adorkable Zo
Crashes with some bro-ish bros,
Sings at ev’ry chance.

I Hate My Teenage Daughter
Mothers who are scared
To confront a teenage girl
Need to rethink life.

Revenge
Girl moves to Hamptons
Somehow affords beach cottage
Might cut a bitch soon.

Whitney
Lassie McSassy
Is dating a caveman guy
And e’er kvetching.

Hello, my name is Dan Clarendon, and I’m an addict. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid to say I’ve had a bit of a setback. I thought my life was better off without Gossip Girl. Only a year and a half ago, I publicly condemned it, deeming it “flat” and “uninteresting.” I criticized the fact that none of the characters mature and that none of the break-ups and make-ups matter because none of them last.

Well, I’ve been tempted again, and I have to admit, I lost control. But it wasn’t my fault, I swear—I have enablers! My boyfriend is a junkie, too. And Netflix is my supplier. How can I help myself when every episode from the past four seasons is available to stream instantly? I started using Gossip Girl again to indulge my boyfriend because I know he loves it and I didn’t hate it. So I figured I’d get caught up so that we could watch together. What was the harm, I thought. And there was a time when I enjoyed it. But then I started liking it way more than I thought I would or should.

I started watching it independently. It became my primary source of procrastination. If I had my druthers, I’d probably be watching it now instead of blogging. It’s a perfectly decent show. It can be silly and proposterous and ocassionally dull, but when it’s salacious and scandalous, it can be one of the most addicting TV drugs I know.

Listen, don’t judge me, okay? I can make fun of it like the best of them. Blake Lively is not likely to win an Emmy. Taylor Momsen looks like a would-be Lohan. Ed Westwick’s name is Ed. But, hey: everyone is good-looking, the clothes are bizarre in a cool way, the music is pitch-perfect, the storylines are tantalizing, and—best of all—the show glorifies New York City. And it just makes me feel good, dammit!

Look: I can stop any time. I swear.

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It’s been months and months since my last blog post. And in that time span, the Emmys broadcast came and went, uncommented on—until now! Yes, though it may be ridiculously belated, I’m here to opine, ruminate, and wax poetic on all things Emmy. Hey, at least I’m doing so before next year’s broadcast…

• Even though the opening number didn’t wow me (until the Mad Men bit, that is), I still think Jane Lynch made for a fine Emmy host, and I hope the producers continue to make unexpected choices for the hosting gig for future ceremonies.
• All hail Modern Family. Not only was it chosen as Outstanding Comedy Series, but Phil and Claire Dunphy themselves, Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen, were chosen as the comedy world’s best supporting actor and actress. Plus, the show also took home awards for its writing and directing.
• That said, I could have used some more Parks and Recreation lovin’, since that show jockeys in my mind with Modern Family for the best comedy on TV right now.
• I loved Melissa McCarthy on Samantha Who? (and I hear she was just as lovable in Gilmore Girls), and now she’s finally getting her moment in the sun, what with a scene-stealing turn in Bridesmaids, Emmy gold for Mike & Molly, and a recent critically-adored hosting job on SNL.
• Still haven’t watched The Big Bang Theory, but congrats to Jim Parsons nonetheless for nabbing Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series. I’d be eager to watch, but I just have too much television on my plate.
• Once again, The Daily Show is hailed as the best of all variety, music, and comedy series—and I feel shameful that I haven’t even gone to see a live taping here in New York.
• It was hugely gratifying to see Margo Martindale win for her role as Mama on the criminally-underrated Justified. And I’d nominate Mama’s “apple pie” in Most Tantalizing Moonshine category.
• It seems like fans of Friday Night Lights bemoan its lack of attention, so I felt some vicarious vindication when Kyle Chandler won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series. Still, I was rooting for Justified‘s Timothy Olyphant…
• Julianna Margulies? Love her. Love everything about her. Love The Good Wife. Yep.
• As much as I enjoy The Amazing Race, I think that Top Chef put up a better season this year. Both shows brought back former “also-ran” contestants to compete again this season, but Top Chef‘s contest was just more engaging.
• Much as I enjoy Grey’s Anatomy (discounting the fact that I get paid to enjoy it), I do think that Loretta Divine deserved the show’s one and only acting nomination, and I’m tickled that she won it, because this scene is definitely Emmy material.
• When I saw Kate Winslet in the audience, I assumed she was just there for show. Then I remembered (and then she won for) her role in HBO’s Mildred Pierce miniseries. And that’s great, because she’s just so freakin’ likable.
• Much as I love Mad Men, I found myself a little dismayed that it won this year again. Seems to me that any of the other four shows (Dexter, The Good Wife, Friday Night Lights, Game of Thrones) would be just as worthy. Is Mad Men Fatigue possible? And if so, is it justifiable? I guess it’s a high-class problem to be tired of a show being consistently excellent.
• Most pressingly, when the hell will I be recognized by the Emmy voters for Outstanding if Infrequent Television Blogger or Outstanding if Overconfident Talent for an Unproduced Television Writer?

Glee creator Ryan Murphy’s announcement that the McKinley kids would be graduating and leaving the show at the end of this upcoming season (stated with a “isn’t-this-totes-obvs?” tone) caused a stir surprising to even Murphy himself. Gleeks are practically worked up into a lather of separation anxiety. And it makes sense: no one is excited about the prospect of Glee devoid of Rachel’s self-aggrandizing, Finn’s lumbering dance moves, Mercedes’s vocal runs, and Brittany’s non sequiturs.

But his rationale is valid. Unless the show abandoned all pretense at realism (and it’s already halfway there with the rock-concert-worthy production values that accompany each performance), it’d be hard to draw out the chronology enough to allow the characters to stay at McKinley for any more seasons.

But Gleeks need not worry. The original stars are fantastic in their own unique ways, and they are collectively responsible for selling us on the show, but the show is not defined by them. Rather, The show is defined by the concept, the tone, the theatricality, and the (overstated) themes. Let’s face it: if the show were to continue without the original kids, Gleeks would still watch and likely enjoy the show. After all, there were only six members of the Glee club in the pilot episode: Rachel, Finn, Mercedes, Kurt, Artie, and Tina. Quinn, Brittany, Santana, Puck, Mike, Sam, and Lauren were all added to the mix later. (Oh, yeah, and that Matt guy… but we barely remember him.)

Murphy’s challenge now will be to make the changing of the guard as seamless as possible. The reason we grew to like additions like Sam, Lauren, and our favorite Cheerios so much was that they weren’t billed as replacements but rather introduced organically and intriguingly. The same needs to happen with the new New Directions. We need to be so taken with them that we forget they’re taking the place of the original crew.

Television history is chock-full with examples of cast replacements done both well and poorly. Only a fraction of the Grey’s Anatomy cast are Season 1 veterans, but the newer doctors are all equally likable. ER was a revolving door of cast members, but the still stayed fairly popular. On the flip side, fans never took to Doggett or Reyes in The X-Files or Rachel and Tom in Alias because those characters weren’t introduced as smoothly and fans could neither forget nor forgive that they were the heirs apparent.

And it’s not like there won’t be holdovers. None of the adults have any particular reason to leave McKinley, so we’ll still have Mr. Schuester and Sue Sylvester, as long as the potential for Emma Pillsbury, Coach Beistie, and maybe Holly Holliday if we’re especially lucky.

Gleeks, I’m optimistic about the changeover. It’s not only necessary but also potentially reinvigorating for the show. Uh, hello, don’t stop believing, okay?

The tribe has spoken. The networks have voted. And this development season’s pilots have either received series orders or have been all but forgotten about. After watching clips of (or, at least, reading synopses of) the new shows, I’ve decided which shows I can’t wait to check out. (And my track record is pretty great: only two-thirds of the shows I recommended last year were cancelled! Hey!)

1. Alcatraz Another in a proud line of mysterious dramas from J.J. Abrams, FOX’s Alcatraz deals with the sudden reappearance of prisoners and guards who had disappeared three decades prior. I’d be excited for the Abrams-ness of it all, but it also features an enviable cast (Lost‘s Jorge Garcia, Jurassic Park‘s Sam Neill, ER‘s Parminder Nagra).
2. Apartment 23 ABC’s roommate-from-hell comedy works because Krysten Ritter (Veronica Mars) is surprisingly good at playing a lovable bitch and her character’s best friend James Van Der Beek is played by James Van Der Beek.
3. Awake This NBC drama (originally titled R.E.M.) features Brotherhood‘s Jason Isaacs as a cop who survives a car crash to find himself torn between two realities: one in which his son survived and one in which his wife did. The mind-tripping nature of the show coupled with Isaacs’s understated performance makes it the show to beat, in my book.
4. New Girl Two words: Zooey Deschanel. She’s adorable and goofy as ever in this FOX comedy. Even though she’s the main attraction, her character’s three male roommates might even be funny enough rival her comedic chops.
5. Once Upon a Time I’m cautiously optimistic about ABC’s supernatural thriller in which a town’s residents are unknowingly living parallel lives in a Snow-White-like fairy tale. The tunics and sword fights make it look a little cheesy, but I still have hope. And I do like House‘s Jennifer Morrison, Big Love‘s Ginnifer Goodwin, and Swingtown‘s Lana Parilla.
6. Pan Am I do love me some period dramas, and I love the swankiness of the Jet Set Era. (Y’know, that time when air travel was fun.) This soap for ABC seems a little derivative of that memorable sequence from Catch Me If You Can, but that’s not a bad thing. Let’s face it: well-coiffed flight attendants plus handsome pilots plus retro design plus exotic locales (plus Christina Ricci) cannot not be fun.
7. The Playboy Club What did I just say about period dramas? Admittedly, I was skeptical when I heard about NBC’s Playboy pilot, but the preview has piqued my curiosity. Are there lots of gratuitous bunny-tail shots? Yes. Are there moments of female empowerment? Yes. This is all to be expected. But it also coats a seedy storyline in a sleek veneer, so this will be one to check out.
8. Ringer After nearly a decade off, Sarah Michelle Gellar is back on television! And she plays two characters: twin sisters both escaping their respective bounties. The cast also features Life Unexpected‘s Kristopher Pohala, Lost‘s Nestor Carbonell, and Fantastic Four‘s Ioan Gruffudd. Also, this series makes for the comeback story of the season: CBS declined to pick it up but handed it off to its sister network, The CW.
9. Smash It’s a musical show, but it’s not Glee. Rather, it’s a show about putting on a musical, and I love making-of dramas. (Hell, I wrote a making-of drama.) Plus, it has a laudable cast that includes Debra Messing, Angelica Huston, and American Idol contender Katharine McPhee.
10. Terra Nova Refer to my last post on the subject. (FOX has had the show in development for awhile.) But add Life on Mars‘s Jason O’Mara and Avatar‘s Stephen Lang, a massive set in Hawaii, some impressive CGI; and the most ambitious new show on the slate (for the second year running) is even more intriguing.
11. Up All Night Any comedy with Christina Applegate, Will Arnett, and Maya Rudolph can’t be bad. It just can’t be. Props, NBC.