If you’re a diehard fan of a show, you can proclaim your love loud and proud with your standard t-shirt bearing the show’s logo. But sometimes, you want merchandise that’s a bit less conventional. Maybe a bit less straightforward. Maybe a bit more of an insider-y reference. For such occasions, I recommend the following items.

Merlotte’s Neon Sign The perfect accompaniment for your bar/liquor cabinet/Tru Blood cooler, this neon sign harks back to the favorite watering hole of Bon Temps, Louisiana. If you’re more the fangbanger type, a Fangtasia sign is also available, and it’s only a matter of time before we see a Lou Pine’s variant.

The Office Sign Not much ambiguity here, but this door sign is highly emblematic of the show. The Office has one of the most bountiful online stores, with hundreds of items available. If you want to continue making your home resemble the Dunder Mifflin workplace, you can also get personalized name plates, reprints of Pam’s artwork, and bobbleheads of almost all the employees.

Top Chef Logo Jacket What better way to say “I’m not your bitch, bitch” than to don this jacket and tell all who enter the kitchen that you mean business. Food—instantly better. Atmosphere—instantly more intimidating. Of course, to complete the look, you also need the Top Chef pants, the Top Chef apron, the Top Chef oven mitt, and the Top Chef knives. (And no one’s gonna tell you to pack them and go.)

Jeffster Poster Promote the Buy More’s homegrown cover band by purchasing this poster, sporting the trademark coifs of the Nerd-Herders-cum-rockstars Jeff and Lester. Let everyone know you support the arts, dubious as they may be.

Lost Prints When graphic designer Ty Mattson wanted to craft invitations to his Lost viewing party, he created eight Saul-Bass-esque works of art, each iconic of a specific aspect of the show. Two are available for purchase as prints (and as t-shirts and even skateboards) at the ABC Store.

Tracy Jordan TJ Pendant T-Shirt Even if you haven’t achieved the almighty EGOT status, you can still match Tracy Jordan’s swagger with this blinged-out t-shirt. Take it from a proud owner of this shirt, people on the street certainly do look at you differently.

Mad Men Barbie Dolls If you want to reenact Mad Men’s hot-blooded office politics and smoldering trysts, now you can, with these miniature versions of the main characters which are not creepy at all. But I don’t know how you’re going to find a pack of Lucky Strikes that are to scale.

Metal Dharma Signs If you’re working on transforming your living room into a Dharma hatch—buying Geronimo Jackson on vinyl, finding the right ping-pong table, keeping that pesky electromagnetic field under control—then these metal signs are a must-have. Unfortunately, the Dharma Initiative Alarm Clock seems to still be in the theoretical stages.

Because it’s the end of the year (and of the decade), every TV critic is releasing best-of lists. And I am no exception, though small-potatoes I may be. Ergo I announce the First Annual Primie Awards! And the first category honors the 15 characters whom I appreciate most, in descending order of awesomeness. Frankly, the shows below would just be suckier without them!

1. Sue Sylvester (Glee) When Sue swaggers onscreen in one of her splashy tracksuits, you know that she’s say something both wildly inappropriate and gut-bustingly funny. The malicious comments she deploys in her jihad against McKinley High’s glee club almost makes you root for her. Played by Jane Lynch.
2. Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation) The reluctant supervisor of Pawnee’s parks department had a breakout season that had him facing off with his domineering ex, presiding over the breakfast buffet at a strip club, enjoying a shoe-shining a bit too much, and having his scalp leaded with buckshot. Played by Nick Offerman.
3. Walter Bishop (Fringe) Last season, we saw the charming kookiness behind Walter’s mad-scientist-ness.  Now we’re seeing the vulnerability behind that charming kookiness. What layer will be unearthed next? Played by John Noble.
4. Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica) Love her or hate her, you have to acknowledge that Starbuck’s so-called destiny directly influenced the fate of humankind… in a way that’s very open to interpretation. Played by Katee Sackhoff.
5. Manny Delgado (Modern Family) One of the youngest and yet most mature members of the Pritchett clan, Manny is wise beyond his years—and quite the fencer, too. Played by Rico Rodriguez.
6. Benjamin Linus (Lost) In a show that specializes in shades of gray, it’s no surprise that Ben isn’t relentlessly villainous. We’ve seen glimpses of his humanity. But just before we start to like him, he does something like staging a character’s suicide—and we’re reminded of how much we hate him (and love to hate him). Played by Michael Emerson.
7. Arizona Robbins (Grey’s Anatomy) She’s often viewed as the happy-go-lucky pediatrics doc, but between her anguish over little Wallace and her blurting out “I love you” to Callie in the episode “Invest in Love,” she won me over. Played by Jessica Capshaw.
8. Troy/Abed (Community) Some of the funniest moments of Community came in the final minute of each episode when the credits were rolling—an end tag that became the Troy and Abed Show after the hilarious Spanish 101 rap (a.k.a. “La Biblioteca”). Community has been uneven so far, but Troy and Abed represent reliable comedy. Comedy you can believe in! Played by Danny Pudi and Donald Glover, respectively.
9. Saul Tigh (Battlestar Galactica) For reasons too spoilery to reveal here, ole One Eye Tigh had some of the most tumultuous internal conflict in Battlestar’s final season. Let’s just say that he found himself intimately associated with those who were once his enemies. Played by Michael Hogan.
10. Jenna Maroney (30 Rock) Ditzy fame-whore Jenna is everything that Liz Lemon isn’t, but just as much of a dysfunctional human. Her constant oversharing gives us mere glimpses into her bizarre life. (For example: “The reason I speak with a slight English inflection in my voice is because I lost my virginity to the My Fair Lady soundtrack.”) Played by Jane Krakowski.
11. Lester Patel (Chuck) Lester went from neurotic tech nerd to neurotic tech nerd and rock star with the debut of cover band Jeffster, performing awesomely bad versions of 80s classics like “Africa” and “Mr. Roboto.” True, Lester is only one half of Jeffster, but his bandmate Jeff is just too out-there for this list! Played by Vik Sahay.
12. Victor (Dollhouse) Besides a few face slashes here or there, Victor is the doll with the most fun: his “imprints” involve bedding boss Adelle DeWitt, acting like an exact clone of tech-whiz Topher, or channeling his inner sorority girl. And hey, those cuts healed remarkably fast, didn’t they? Played by Enver Gjokaj.
13. Hoyt Fortenberry (True Blood) As one of the only truly good residents of Bon Temps, Hoyt became more than just a background player this season when he fell in love with newly-vampirized Jessica, much to the dismay of his oppressively devout mother. His evolution from (momma’s) boy to man was great to see. Played by Jim Parrack.
14. Walter White, Jr. (Breaking Bad) His relationship with his emotionally-elusive dad is tenuous, but Junior still went to incredible (and touching) lengths last season to raise money for Senior’s cancer care. Played by R.J. Mitte.
15. Anna (V) Leader of the Visitors, Anna is alternately calculating, eloquent, manipulative, and alluring. A wolf in sheep’s (well-tailored) clothing. Played by Morena Baccarin.

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2′s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.

Here are the latest news items from the idiot-box world:

• Lost finally has a return date—the final season will premiere with a two-hour installment on Tuesday, February 2, at 9/8c on ABC.
• Chuck‘s return date was also announced today. The action-comedy will return with two episodes on Sunday, January 10, and then another one the following night as it settles into its normal timeslot of Mondays at 8/7c. The show was on the brink of cancellation this past spring until fans rallied to show their support. NBC gave the show another vote of confidence a few weeks ago when it upped its order from 13 episodes to 19.
• ABC has released some neat-o promo images for V showing the Visitors’ motherships hovering above the world’s metropolitan centers. One is shown above, and you can view the rest at io9.
• Just as I was wondering where Smallville actor Sam Jones, III has been all this time, here comes the news that the guy has been arrested and charged with conspiring to sell 10,000 Oxycodone pills. Bad for him, but good for my web traffic. Thanks, Sam!
• Cop drama Southland, a show NBC cancelled before its second season had premiered, has been resurrected by TNT. The new season will premiere on Tuesday, January 12, at 10/9c.
• Oprah Winfrey will announce tomorrow that The Oprah Winfrey Show will end after its 2010-2011 season. She currently has a deal in place with Discovery Communications to turn Discovery Health Channel into OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network.
• Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, seen sharing the screen last season on 30 Rock, will co-host next year’s Academy Awards ceremony. Other celebs considered for the emcee gig include Tina Fey, Ben Stiller, and Robert Downey, Jr.
• In other hosting news, Ricky Gervais will finally get his moment in the award-show spotlight when he hosts next year’s Golden Globes. Gervais, the creator and star of the UK version of The Office, has been a mainstay at the recent Oscar and Emmy ceremonies and always has the crowd in stitches.
• Bravo has announced another season of Top Chef Masters along with another spinoff Top Chef: Just Desserts (which I’m a little skeptical of). And Top Chef Junior is apparently still in development.
• Since my last news brief, Trauma, Eastwick, Hank have all been cancelled. But the most tragic axing of them all was Dollhouse. (Expect a write-up soon.)
• For whatever reason, The Weather Channel has decided to air movies on Friday nights. The selections range from the understandable (The Perfect Storm) to the unexplainable (Deep Blue Sea). I know; I don’t get it either.

Here’s this week’s batch of freshly-baked television news:

• Two big names will “sho” up on Showtime: Laura Linney will star in The C Word, a half-hour comedy series about a woman who turns her life around following a cancer diagnosis; and William H. Macy will star in Shameless, a comedic drama about a drink-swilling father of six (based on a BBC hit).
• In a classless move by NBC, the Glee cast is no longer invited to perform at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Jumpsuits will surely be worn at the festivities, but apparently none by Sue Sylvester.
• No sooner did I finish singing the praises of Kater Gordon, the Mad Men writer who went from writing assistant to Emmy winner in no time, than she was let go from the show’s writing staff. As they say in fashion…
• Lest you thought your eyes deceived you, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane did appear as an FBI agent in the premiere of FlashForward. And apparently, he’ll be back on occasion. I only hope I get to guest-star on shows when I’m a successful TV writer!
• NBC has ordered its upcoming post-apocalyptic show Day One to be converted from a 13-episode season to a two-night, four-hour miniseries. And the prospect of further seasons depends on the ratings. This may sound like bad news, but as i09 points out, that formula worked for Battlestar Galactica. And creator Jesse Alexander (Heroes) is pumped, saying, “Airing four hours over two nights is much more exciting to me than rolling out just one hour per week… I didn’t want to suffer the same fate as many first year shows and be moved to another time slot mid story, or worse, not be able to air the final episodes.”
• Though CBS wasn’t too enthusiastic about the negotiator-drama Flashpoint around the time of the TCA Press Tour, the network has decided to bring the Canadian co-production to American screens for another 13-episode run later this season.
• In more good news, some of the season’s most promising shows, Glee, FlashForward, and Modern Family have all earned full-season pick-ups from their respective networks.
• Lauren Graham (of Gilmore Girls fame) has won the role vacated by Maura Tierney on NBC’s upcoming Parenthood, filling the role that Helen Hunt was considering.
• Linda Holmes of NPR’s Monkey See blog has an insightful post about how NBC’s decision to give up the 10 PM slot for The Jay Leno Show represents the network’s exasperation with all things dramatic.
• Michael Ausiello reports that the third season of Chuck may premiere within a matter of weeks instead of next March. He also says that NBC insiders are calling it the best season yet. (And I’ve just realized that half this post has been about NBC!)
• And finally, a Massachusetts farmer is so enamored with Family Guy, he created a corn maze incorporating Stewie and Brian, pictured here. I hope he does something related to NBC next. Perhaps the letters NBC.

The following post was originally published on my old blog on March 3, 2009.

Just for the frivolous, hypothetical fun of it all, let’s theorize what would happen if the gun-wielding, Intersect-protecting Sarah Walker from Chuck swapped places with the upstart-starting, family-tending Sarah Walker from Brothers & Sisters.

In the world of Chuck, Sarah Walker from Brothers & Sisters would get totally overwhelmed by the treacherous spy missions, call her family members for support, and then rally to get through it. She might have a fling with Chuck for the self-esteem boost and then break it off abruptly and clumsily. She would have no patience for Chuck’s best friend Morgan—she’d deem him immature and promptly put him in timeout. She would totally hit it off with Chuck’s sister Ellie—they’d call each other for life advice. She would object to John Casey’s attitude of superiority, and she’d try to become a better spy just to put him in his place.

In the world of Brothers & Sisters, Sarah Walker from Chuck would quickly get fed up with the family’s dysfunction. Thanks to a fancy, government-issued cell phone (and the requisite hidden earpiece), she would not need to put anyone on call-waiting during one of the Walkers’ infamous simultaneous-phone-calling. Not only would she be the only character on the show who could actually keep a secret, she would learn everyone else’s secrets after planting bugs around the house. She would not talk about “feelings.” Instead, she would her emotions in check until she had the chance to vent by shooting something—or someone. (Holly Harper might want to watch her back.)

The following post was originally published on my old blog on February 4, 2009.  Updates to this post are noted below.

Under some pretense of being an organized person (ha!), I keep a very meticulous list of the episodes I have yet to see for all the shows I follow. And I’ve noticed definite trends regarding my level of addiction to certain shows—or the lack thereof—as shown in the following categories. (I should point out that this is nowhere near a comprehensive list!)

Must-See TV I want to see it, and I want to see it now.

• Battlestar Galactica
• Lost
• 30 Rock
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Chuck

Will-See TV I love it, but I might be a few episodes behind.

• 24
• Heroes (Update: Lo, how the mighty Heroes has fallen.)
• Mad Men
• Damages
• Californication

Might-See TV I’ve liked what I’ve seen, but I have a serious backlog.

• Pushing Daisies
• Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
• True Blood (Update: The more I watch this, the more I love it.)

Should-See TV I know, I know, I have to watch it. So you keep telling me!

• The Wire
• Friends
• Friday Night Lights
• The Office (Update: I got caught up in April, and this is must-see TV now.)

Won’t-See TV No, thank you.

• CSI
• NCIS
• Law & Order
• American Idol