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Completist destiny: Shows I’ve watched beginning to end

By on Jul 3, 2014 in Inner Monologues | 0 comments

Completist Destiny, as defined by Wikipedia, is the belief that a television addict such as myself is destined—nay, divinely ordained—to watch a series completely and completely chronologically. Fine, I admit: that might just be a dogma of my own creation. But I stick to it. (This is where you, in solidarity, shout, “Leave no episode behind!”) Of course, I have to compromise sometimes, like when networks boneheadedly air episodes out of order, or when I’m watching TV with someone who’s not as obsessive-compulsive devoted to the intended chronology as I am. Anyway, I was thinking today about the series I’ve watched in their entireties—i.e. series for which I’ve seen every episode made available. Here they all are, from the most prolific to the shortest-lived… and even the ones I’m not so proud I watched! The X-Files (205 episodes)...

2012 Primies: Best shows

By on Jan 28, 2013 in The Primies | 0 comments

As always, there’s too much good TV to watch, let alone wedge into a top-ten list. So for this, the revered yearly pantheon of television shows selected by America’s most cherished TV critic — ha! — I’m also noting a few honorable mentions, as well as recognizing the shows that might have elbowed their way onto this ranking had I actually had time to watch them in 2012. I can only imagine the heart-wrenching cuts I’ll have to make for the 2013 Primies if I manage to watch them all this year — and who knows what awesome series are just around the corner. Good luck, future Dan! American Horror Story (2011: #1) Breaking Bad Damages Homeland Dexter (2011: #1) Community (2011: #7) The Good Wife (2011: #2) Parks and Recreation (2011: #8) Mad Men Modern Family (2011: #3) Honorable mentions: The New Normal, Girls, Nashville Possible contenders (had I seen...

2012 Primies: Best moments

By on Jan 21, 2013 in The Primies | 0 comments

Continuing in on honoring the Year That Was on the small screen, here are the moments that only furthered my television-above-all prejudice. And yes, there are eleven, not ten. I make no apologies! WARNING: MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD! You may just want to look at the show names in the parentheses for each listing before anything else, just in case you were wanting to keep yourself pure. You’ve been warned! Breaking Bad’s entire fifth season so far. I realized I just couldn’t narrow it down: neophyte Todd shooting the kid who witnesses the gang’s heist, Skylar telling Walt that she’s waiting and hoping for his cancer to come back, Walt fatally shooting Mike and then staying with him as he dies, Hank finding Gale’s book and realizing that Walt and Heisenberg are one and the same. And that was the first half of the season. See you at the 2013 Primies, Breaking Bad. Deb...

2012 Primies: Best characters

By on Jan 13, 2013 in The Primies | 0 comments

Now that the Golden Globes have been doled out, I think it’s finally time to get to the legitimate awards: Primetimely’s third annual Primies! And, as is tradition, I’m starting out with the standout characters of 2012 — the fictional human beings that have delighted us, moved us, enthralled us, amused us, and scared the you-know-what out of us. And few were more terrifying than… Sister Mary Eunice (American Horror Story) While Sister Jude seemed like the big bad at the start of American Horror Story‘s second season, her sycophantic right-hand woman went from docile to demonic once possessed by the Devil. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, the juxtaposition between her position and her possession is mirrored in her persona: She’s by turns saccharinely-sweet and insidiously evil. Played by Lily Rabe. Mike Ehrmantraut (Breaking Bad) The first half...

TVs improbable seventh-inning stretches

By on Oct 13, 2012 in Raves | 0 comments

Seven seasons is an awfully long run for any TV drama, particularly a serialized one. Procedural shows like CSI and Law & Order shows have the privilege of a different storyline every episode, and even semi-procedural shows like Fringe aren’t required to serve an overarching narrative with every episode. The TV graveyard is littered with the corpses of series that exhausted their creativity before their episode order. One recent example of such a show on the comedy front is The Office: the producers and NBC announced that Season 9 would be the final season, but that decision came after we slogged through disappointing Seasons 6, 7, and 8. Some showrunners do the dignified thing and set a definite and unyielding end date for their series, like the masterminds behind Lost, Battlestar Galactica, Breaking Bad, and even the British Office. I can’t speak highly enough of this practice:...