A hot, steaming cup of TV news, ready for you to guzzle:

• Anderson Cooper has had another one of his famous giggling fits on air, and it’s so unflattering but so adorable. Yes, I call Anderson adorable. Okay? Totes adorbs.
• Patrick Dempsey channelled his Grey’s Anatomy character’s heroism recently by pulling a Malibu teen from his flipped Mustang, waiting with him until the paramedics arrived, and even calling the teen’s mother to update her on her son’s condition.
• I’m loving Big Love right now, and I’m especially loving three leading ladies: Jeannie Tripplehorn, Chloë Sevigny, and Ginnifer Goodwin. So it thrills me to no end that Sevigny (who’s name I just had to Google to pronounce) will be a star of the next season of American Horror Story, playing a character named “Shelly the Nymphomaniac” who faces off with Jessica Lange’s character in an insane asylum.
• Feeling the pride? Hulu now has an LGBTQ category, including content from here! TV.
• Still no word on the fate of next season’s pilots, save for two. ABC’s Counter Culture (a multi-camera sitcom about three sisters running a Texas diner) has been shut down after star Delta Burke injured herself the set. (Now that’s… “counter”-productive?) Also, CBS shuttered production on the dubiously-titled Quean (about a “millennial hacker girl”) amid speculation that it was too Dragon Tattoo.
• As a fan of shows exploring the human condition while masquerading as sci-fi or fantasy (hello, Battlestar), I’m very eager to check out Syfy’s Defiance, set to debut in 2013. Starring Dexter‘s Julie Benz and Jaime Murray, True Blood‘s Grant Bowler, Lost‘s Fionnula Flanagan, Mia Kirshner, as well as Tony Curran, Stephanie Leonidas, and Oscar-nominee Graham Greene; the series, says Deadline, “introduces a completely transformed planet Earth, inhabited by the survivors of a universal war. Forced to co-habitate, the disparate group struggles to build a new society among the devastation. The dramatic tapestry of the series and the intense action of the game will exist in a single universe where their respective narratives will inform one another and evolve together into one overall story.”
• Various showrunners commiserated on Twitter about their least favorite chapters in the shows they created. Exchanging tweets, Damon Lindelof called Lost‘s third season “uneven,” Shonda Rhimes wanted to “hide in a dark cave” after contemplating Grey’s Anatomy‘s fourth and fifth seasons, and Bill Lawrence criticized all of his shows: Spin City, Scrubs, and Cougar Town.
• Ryan Murphy & Co. might be regretting enlisting Lindsay Lohan to play herself in Glee: apparently the fading-starlet showed up anywhere from three to six hours late, depending on whose report you read.
• And finally, for longtime readers of this blog, you might be amused to see that I’ve finally updated the background image to reflect the current TV schedule, instead of one from the fall of 2009. Goodbye, Aughts; hello, Tens!

Or, Everything That’s Ever Been Spoiled For Me

Try as hard as I might, there’s no escaping spoilers in my role as (amateur) TV critic. As I’ve said before, I’m incapable keeping up with all the worthwhile, buzz-worthy, quality TV on the air today. And while most blogs and publications are good about preceding spoilers with warnings and burying plot reveals in the body of an article instead of leading with them, others are not so conscientious. And even with the diligent outlets, there is a statute of limitations with spoilers—at a certain point, after an arbitrary amount of time has passed, it has to be allowable to rehash and discuss major plot points without recrimination. So I don’t always blame the spoil-er for the spoiling; I just regret that it happened (unless I just don’t care).

At the risk of paying the sin forward, here are all the twists that have been ruined for me—only posted for the amusement of curious readers! For those of you who are reading this on my blog, I’ve redacted the spoiler so that you have to highlight it to read it. For those of you who are reading this on an RSS feed, you might be S.O.L. This is a veritable minefield of killjoy spoilerage, so proceed with caution. And have fun!

• The Walking Dead: I knew that there was a substantial plot twist recently and that actor Jon Bernthal has been making press circuits, so I had my suspicions—and I’ve since found out that, yes, Shane dies.
• Dexter: To the dismay of my boyfriend, who got me into the show, I had long since read that the Trinity Killer killed Dexter’s wife Rita.
• Game of Thrones: I forget how I read it, but I knew that whatever character Sean Bean plays is beheaded even before HBO the sensationalistic (and, might I add, clever) promotional poster that depicts his head on a pike.
• Desperate Housewives: Thanks to a full-page article in Entertainment Weekly and a clip that ran on one of the morning shows, I now know that Mike Delfino dies. (Interestingly, many other TV fans were spoiled when the plot twist was referenced in the Nicollette Sheridan trial days before the episode aired.) I’m not devastated about it; I’ve been dragging my heels on watching my Housewives backlog anyway.
• Battlestar Galactica: Dammit, TV Guide. Here I was innocently leafing through their BSG issue when, all of a sudden, I came across a picture of four of the final five Cylons (and I’m not saying who here because I’m still hoping to get my boyfriend into the show).
• The Amazing Race: Every season, I inevitably fall behind on this competition show, and more often than not, I hear about who won the big shebang.
• Grey’s Anatomy: I’m pretty sure I knew that Denny died before I caught up with the seasons I’d missed on Netflix. And now that I’m covering the show for Wetpaint, I’m privy to a lot of spoilers. I was allowed to watch one screener this season which had a disclaimer asking critics not to reveal “what happens to Henry” in that episode. Gee, can you guess?
• Once Upon a Time: I found out that the sheriff died, breaking the heart of the Jennifer Morrison character, but I don’t feel too upset about it because a) I’ve only watched one episode, and b) I hear that death isn’t permanent on that show anyway.
• Gossip Girl: I knew that Dan and Blair became romantic while I was still boycotting the show. And now that I’ve seen it happen, I don’t hate the idea!
• Parenthood: A thumbnail on Hulu gave away the fact that not only did Jasmine forgive Crosby, but they got married, too.
• So You Think You Can Dance: My boyfriend and I heard who had won the latest season (Melanie, was it?) as we were still watching the first few episodes. It didn’t really matter, though, because the season was so uninspiring that we didn’t even finish watching it.
• Six Feet Under: I know that the Peter Krause character (Nate?) has some sort of stroke which makes him start saying nonsensical words right before he dies.
• The West Wing: I think I remember that the Jimmy Smits character wins the election, replacing Jed Bartlet as president. I also know that Leo dies by virtue of the sad fact that the actor, John Spencer, passed away in the midst of the series.
• The X-Files: I knew that Mulder was abducted because I remembered seeing him practically flayed by alien technology in a FOX promo years before I watched it.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I know that Buffy’s mom dies. And maybe the Alyson Hannigan character, too?
• The Wire: The kid played by Tristan Wilds shoots some girl in a car…? Is that right? And also, does Omar die?
• Friday Night Lights: One of the teens commits murder? Maybe?
• Alias: I’m pretty sure I Googled out spoilers (but I don’t remember which) back in the days before I wanted to stay pure.
• Lost: Actually, no! I’m adding this to the list because I think I actively dodged spoilers pretty effectively. Take that!

or, A Television-Related Word Association Experiment With the Love of My Life

Here’s a list of every current show I watch, and my boyfriend’s instant reaction to each.

• 30 Rock “Oh, Tina Fey…” (smiles)
• American Horror Story ”Thrills me.”
• Boardwalk Empire “Costumes…”
• Breaking Bad “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t know.  Come back to me with that one.”
• Burn Notice “Never saw it… oh, but that guy is hot.”
• Californication “Gah… can’t get into it… but I want to.”
• Community “Growing on me.”
• Cougar Town “Stupid.”
• Covert Affairs “Oh, Piper Peek-a-boo.  That’s what my dad calls her… looks pretty stupid, though.  It looks like a dumbed-down Alias, if Alias could be any dumber.”
• Curb Your Enthusiasm ”I hate Seinfeld.”
• Damages “I don’t know anything about that show.  What is that show?”
• Desperate Housewives ”Ugh… desperate.”
• Dexter “Love it.  Those cat eyes.”
• Fringe “Ugh… it has that guy from Dawson’s Creek.”
• Glee “Oh, I love Lea Michele.  Oh!  Mercedes!  What’s her name in real life?”
• Gossip Girl “Ed. Westwick. Two words.”
• Grey’s Anatomy (gags ) “Menopause.”
• Justified “I wanna watch that.  It has that guy with the French last name that sounds like ‘elephant.’ E-le-phant.  You should use those French accents.”
• Louie “Say that again?”
• Mad Men (sighs) “Upsets me.”
• Modern Family “Oh my god.  I could watch that all day.”
• Nikita “Oh my god… the CW…”
• Once Upon a Time “I love Ginnifer Goodwin.  Godwin.  Goodwin.”
• Parenthood “I adore that show.”
• Parks and Recreation (smiles admiringly and shrugs)
• Private Practice “Ugh… keep it private.”
• Raising Hope “Babies.”
• Revenge “Oh, that’s the girl I’m gonna see soon in ‘Bros and Hos’ [our nickname for Brothers and Sisters].  Living in the Hamptons is so nice.  Except I hate those people.”
• So You Think You Can Dance “The judges really think they can talk”
• The A-List: New York “Not a list I want to be a part of.  Not ‘a list‘.” (laughs)
• The Buried Life “Oh.  That’s like a bucket list for adult people.  Or, or for kids.  I do want to watch that.”
• The Glee Project ”I really hated those kids.  And I did not like the results.”
• The Good Wife “Always hesitant to start, but I love it by the end.  That Kalinda: she can seduce everyone, and she’s really not that hot.  But she’s cunning.  She’s kind of like an animal actually.  Don’t you think so?  She just kinda fills her animalistic needs.”
• The Office “Ugh… never got into it.  I love Steve Carrell.  And I love that British dude who insults everyone.”
• The Sing-Off  “Nick Lachey is a really dumb host.”
• The Voice ”Oh, we were on that.”
• The Walking Dead “I really don’t like anything that has to do with zombies, except for 28 Days Later.”
• True Blood “Oh my god.  ’Sookie.’  That is also one of the first shows to make a gay person of color a main character, and in a really positive way.  People respect him.”
• Top Chef  “My dream career.  That show tantalizes me.  That shows tantalizes my every vittle.” (laughs)  ”What do you want for dinner tonight?”

We all watch television in eager anticipation of those watercooler moments—those moments so shocking, so emotional, so incredibly awesome that we have to a) rewind to watch them about twenty times and b) rehash them to death with all of our fellow watchers. And I honor my picks for those moments here, along with video clips of each moment from YouTube and Hulu (which will hopefully still work in six months). Bear in mind that I did not (and surely could not) see every worthwhile show on television in 2011, and I might be behind on the ones I do watch, so I will most certainly snub deserving moments. Also, I chose not to go Googling to remember these events; if they didn’t come immediately to mind, they must not be momentous enough to merit a place on this list.

WARNING: MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD! You may just want to look at the show names in the parentheses before looking at the description to keep yourself pure. You’ve been warned!

1. Alicia finds out (The Good Wife) that Kalinda slept with her husband Peter, since only she knows that the name of his rumored mistress, Leila, is the name with which Blake would constantly refer to Kalinda.
2. Debra sees Dexter kill (Dexter), and now we’re dying to know now how strong their familial bonds are—will she arrest him, protect him, or aid and abet him?
3. Adele learns she has Alzheimer’s (Grey’s Anatomy) passing through denial, anger, and grief all within the span of a tour de force monologue, thanks to an Emmy-winning performance by Loretta Devine.
4. Zeek lectures Amber (Parenthood) after she gets in a car accident because her friend was drunk, saying, “You do not have my permission to mess with my dreams.”
5. Gus uses the box cutter (Breaking Bad) on his henchman Victor’s neck, wordlessly putting the fear of God (or is that the fear of Gus?) into insubordinate Walt and Jesse.
6. Violet realizes she’s dead (American Horror Story) when she finds her rotting corpse deep in the bowels of the Murder House, and she realizes that her suicide attempt days earlier was successful.
7. The multiverse forgets Peter (Fringe) as if he never existed, and he was only trying to stop the destruction of our universe by the other and vice versa.
8. Debbie shoots Tara (True Blood) with a bullet meant for Sookie, making this season finale the bloodiest and most tragic episode yet.
9. Michael says goodbye (The Office), ending the comedy king’s reign in Scranton on a surprisingly sincere and touching note.
10. Henry dies (Grey’s Anatomy) on Cristina’s operating table, while Henry’s wife Teddy operates in the next room, misled to believe the surgery is a success.
11. Dexter finds the professor’s frozen body (Dexter) and realizes that Travis is the monster himself, not just the lackey—and worse, he’s schizo.
12. The Troubletones sing “Rumour Has It/Someone Like You” (Glee), a mash-up showcasing the emotion-laden vocals of Mercedes and Santana, with some fine choreography to boot.
13. Adam and Kristina fight (Parenthood), which not only displayed superb acting by Peter Krause and Monica Potter but also proved that the relationships developed by this show’s writers are among the most realistic you’re likely to find on TV.
14. Callie sings “The Story” (Grey’s Anatomy)—really just an excuse for Sara Ramirez to sing a showstopping number, and damn if she didn’t sing her heart out.
15. Blake leaves Kalinda with a parting shot (The Good Wife), telling her that he knows that she slept with Peter—and we get a rare glimpse of a vulnerable and scared Kalinda.

• BONUS: “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait… wait. I worry what you just heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was: ‘Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.’ Do you understand?” – Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation 

   

The start of a new year makes us all reflect on the previous 365 days, but it makes this blogger reminisce not only about the year that was but also the television that was. That’s right: as is tradition this time of year, it’s time for another round of the Primies. Not the most prestigious awards, perhaps, but let’s hope it’s a bit more entertaining (and maybe even more credible) than last night’s People Choice Awards? In any case, here are the characters I appreciated the most in 2011. And I should also take this opportunity to categorically commend the actors who portray these characters, since even the best writing needs the perfect delivery. Finally, let this be a warning to all ye who continue: spoilers abound!

1. Debra Morgan (Dexter) This season saw this profanity-spewing Miami Metro detective was make lieutenant, but the promotion alienated her from her team. Couple that loneliness with her disconnectedness with her brother, and the revelation of what that dependency means, and the revelation of who her brother is; and you get a woman for whom every aspect of life is unraveling. Played by Jennifer Carpenter.
2. Mags Bennett (Justified) The matriarch of the Bennett family was always ready with a glass of her famous “apple pie” on top of the table and a sawed-off shotgun below it. She could have easily been portrayed as a backwoods simpleton, but her cunning and deviousness almost outstripped Raylan’s in the culmination of the Bennett/Givens feud. Played by Margo Martindale.
3. Kristina Braverman (Parenthood) Kristina has a lot on her plate these days: a teenage daughter on the brink of adulthood, a son with Asberger’s, a weeks-old baby, and a husband starting his own business—not to mention a zany bunch of in-laws. And she handles it all with an admirable amount of patience and compassion, but her humanity truly comes through when it all proves too much for her. That realness makes her brand of “parenthood” the most relatable of the show. Played by Monica Potter.
4. Gloria Delgado-Pritchett (Modern Family) Disregarding her sex appeal (reluctantly), Gloria is a pleasure to watch every week because of two reasons: her Colombian accent is ripe for comedy, and her references to her upbringing—e.g. any anecdote starting off with “In my country…”—are reliably funny. Played by Sofia Vergara.
5. Santana Lopez (Glee) Despite the Glee fatigue some of us are feeling, one of the better developments of late is the amount of time Santana is in the spotlight. Once known as the other Cheerio singing back-up for Quinn, this pistol from Lima Heights Adjacent has been showing off her considerable pipes recently, particularly in duets with Mercedes. Played by Naya Rivera.
6. Constance Langdon (American Horror Story) Never mind that the Tinseltown limelight never shone upon her, never mind that she murdered her husband and her maid, and never mind that her children are all resting in peace (or otherwise), Constance is still unflappable—not to mention perfectly coiffed. Played by Jessica Lange.
7. Eli Gold (The Good Wife) A brilliant strategist, Eli’s political savvy and tactics won Peter Florrick the seat of State’s Attorney, but he always seems two poll points away from a nervous breakdown. In fact, he is at his comedic best when he loses his cool. (Talking to the chairman of the Democratic Committee, he sputters, “Where did you go to school, you idiot!”) Played by Alan Cumming.
8. Rubber Man (American Horror Story) Easily the most unnerving (if not totally terrifying) character of the year, the silent, omnipresent Rubber Man haunted, raped, and/or murdered inhabitants of the so-called Murder House—and we won’t even dwell on what he did with the fire poker. Played by Riley Schmidt, Evan Peters, and Dylan McDermott.
9. Lafayette Reynolds (True Blood) Honoring Lafayette on this list is long overdue, since his gaudy style and cutting remarks make him one of my (and so many other Truebies’) favorite characters. But he deserves even more recognition this season for being put through the ringer. Not only was he embodied by not one but two spirits, but his boyfriend and (presumably) his cousin lost their lives. Time will tell how or if he recovers from these blows. Played by Nelsan Ellis.
10. Amber Braverman (Parenthood) Amber has grown up so much since the days of her teenage rebellion, but she still has so much further to go. Her transition into adulthood and her struggles making it on her own are recognizable to me and probably anyone my age. Played by Mae Whitman.
11. Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl) After establishing herself as the Queen Bee of the Upper East Side youth the previous three seasons, Seasons 4 and 5 has shown a softer side of Blair—evidenced in her platonic dependence on Dan. And this Dan appreciates the dimensionality. Played by Leighton Meester.
12. Burt Chance (Raising Hope) Easily amused, never mature, and never quite capable or competent, Burt still transcends poor-white-trash humor and becomes endearing because he’s so good-natured and well-meaning. That said, he’s funniest when his stupidity rears its airy head. Played by Garret Dillahunt.
13. Tom Haverford (Parks and Recreation) Normally, this level of delusional confidence would grow tiresome, but with Tom, it’s always entertaining. His storylines are even funnier when his self-promotion comes this close to paying off before he puts his foot in his mouth or otherwise happens to blow his cover. Played by Aziz Ansari.
14. Dickie Bennett (Justified) Deficient of his mother’s cleverness, Dickie is a bit of an idiot—but a dangerous idiot because of his fast trigger-finger and even faster temper. Still, he had a hickish way with words, and for that I salute him. Played by Jeremy Davies.
15. Henry Burton (Grey’s Anatomy) Effortless charm is not a common personality trait, but Henry has it. And though he was never pessimistic about his health troubles (or anything else for that matter), Henry always struck me as an underdog type, which is why it was so good to see Teddy make him happy. Played by Scott Foley.

My other blogging gig is covering Grey’s Anatomy for Wetpaint Entertainment, and I wanted to share the following article here on Primetimely since it’s one of which I’m particularly proud. (You can see it in its original Wetpaint context here.) The preamble is true: I do love Grey’s—but I do see its faults and its wear and tears of age, and I have some humble suggestions.

We love Grey’s Anatomy, and not just because doing so is our job here at Wetpaint Entertainment. But we’re still critical of it — and while this season and the last were better than, say, seasons 5 and 6, we’re a long ways away from the Grey’s glory days. So we took it upon ourselves to make the show great again… or to at least offer the writers some friendly suggestions. Here are five prescriptions for the writers to administer once an episode until the show’s ailments subside.

A smaller cast
Season One had nine main characters. Season Two had ten. Season Eight? Fourteen. That’s fourteen characters who need substantial storylines in most (if not all) episodes. Might the writers be spread a bit too thin trying to serve all these actors? That said, we’re not looking to vote any characters off the proverbial island — and we certainly wouldn’t want to be the ones to choose who stays and who goes! — but maybe certain characters could be scaled back to “recurring” status. Maybe certain characters who haven’t had any notable storylines thus far. Like, say, a character whose name rhymes with Flaxen Savory.

More emotional pay-offs for each climactic episode
Grey’s Anatomy is known for its occasional blockbuster episode, which usually involves some tragedy besetting Seattle. Sometimes they come off as ratings ploys, and sometimes they transcend their sensational nature to usher in innovative drama. For example, the mass shooting at the hospital made for an incredible episode in its own right, but it also made Season 7 that much stronger, since the season dealt with the doctors healing their shattered world. The ferry crash made Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) face (and surrender to) her own mortality, and it also made Alex (Justin Chambers) assume a heroic role. But on the flip side, events like the sinkhole and the plane crash had no greater ramifications — they just made for exciting television commercials.

More tragedy
Ouch. We know. How dare we want the doctors to suffer? We’ll tell ya why — it makes for quality television. Izzie losing Denny, Bailey (Chanda Wilson) losing her husband, Richard (James Pickens Jr.) losing his sobriety and his wife, Cristina (Sandra Oh) losing her ability to operate, Meredith losing Zola, Arizona (Jessica Capshaw) losing her relationship, Callie (Sara Ramirez) nearly losing her life, et cetera, et cetera. When the doctors lose, Grey’s as a show wins. And the tragedy is even better when the audience knows something the doctors don’t, a.k.a. dramatic irony. For example, in this most recent episode, we knew that Cristina was operating on Henry when she didn’t, and we knew that Henry was dead when Teddy (Kim Raver) didn’t.

Closure
Regardless of what we think of the actors who portrayed them, we liked Burke, George, and Izzie. But none of these main characters had a satisfying send-off. Burke left Cristina at the altar and was never held accountable for his actions because Isaiah Washington was released from his contract. George O’Malley was hit by a bus, and Shonda Rhimes never got to write the one last episode for him that she wanted to because T.R. Knight declined to return. After being spurned by Alex, Izzie headed for Tacoma in an episode that was not intended to be her last because Katherine Heigl chose to leave the show for good. These abrupt departures make for choppy storytelling and fan frustration. Actors should be required to appear in one more farewell episode after their character dies or moves. Or, like our girl Kate Walsh, they should just come back once a season!

More Shonda episodes
Notice any commonality between the episodes we picked as our all-time favorites? Almost all of them were written by Shonda Rhimes — you know, the woman from whose brain this entire world and all of its drama and characters sprang? Don’t hold the fact that she wrote Crossroads against her; she has since become an absurdly talented writer on Grey’s, Private Practice, and the upcoming Scandal. There’s a reason why the episodes she writes are the most memorable, buzz-worthy chapters in each show’s saga.

Want more from Wetpaint Entertainment? Keep up on all things Grey’s Anatomy by Liking us on Facebook at facebook.com/GreysAnatomyFansite and Following us on Twitter at twitter.com/GreysWetpaint.

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It’s been months and months since my last blog post. And in that time span, the Emmys broadcast came and went, uncommented on—until now! Yes, though it may be ridiculously belated, I’m here to opine, ruminate, and wax poetic on all things Emmy. Hey, at least I’m doing so before next year’s broadcast…

• Even though the opening number didn’t wow me (until the Mad Men bit, that is), I still think Jane Lynch made for a fine Emmy host, and I hope the producers continue to make unexpected choices for the hosting gig for future ceremonies.
• All hail Modern Family. Not only was it chosen as Outstanding Comedy Series, but Phil and Claire Dunphy themselves, Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen, were chosen as the comedy world’s best supporting actor and actress. Plus, the show also took home awards for its writing and directing.
• That said, I could have used some more Parks and Recreation lovin’, since that show jockeys in my mind with Modern Family for the best comedy on TV right now.
• I loved Melissa McCarthy on Samantha Who? (and I hear she was just as lovable in Gilmore Girls), and now she’s finally getting her moment in the sun, what with a scene-stealing turn in Bridesmaids, Emmy gold for Mike & Molly, and a recent critically-adored hosting job on SNL.
• Still haven’t watched The Big Bang Theory, but congrats to Jim Parsons nonetheless for nabbing Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series. I’d be eager to watch, but I just have too much television on my plate.
• Once again, The Daily Show is hailed as the best of all variety, music, and comedy series—and I feel shameful that I haven’t even gone to see a live taping here in New York.
• It was hugely gratifying to see Margo Martindale win for her role as Mama on the criminally-underrated Justified. And I’d nominate Mama’s “apple pie” in Most Tantalizing Moonshine category.
• It seems like fans of Friday Night Lights bemoan its lack of attention, so I felt some vicarious vindication when Kyle Chandler won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series. Still, I was rooting for Justified‘s Timothy Olyphant…
• Julianna Margulies? Love her. Love everything about her. Love The Good Wife. Yep.
• As much as I enjoy The Amazing Race, I think that Top Chef put up a better season this year. Both shows brought back former “also-ran” contestants to compete again this season, but Top Chef‘s contest was just more engaging.
• Much as I enjoy Grey’s Anatomy (discounting the fact that I get paid to enjoy it), I do think that Loretta Divine deserved the show’s one and only acting nomination, and I’m tickled that she won it, because this scene is definitely Emmy material.
• When I saw Kate Winslet in the audience, I assumed she was just there for show. Then I remembered (and then she won for) her role in HBO’s Mildred Pierce miniseries. And that’s great, because she’s just so freakin’ likable.
• Much as I love Mad Men, I found myself a little dismayed that it won this year again. Seems to me that any of the other four shows (Dexter, The Good Wife, Friday Night Lights, Game of Thrones) would be just as worthy. Is Mad Men Fatigue possible? And if so, is it justifiable? I guess it’s a high-class problem to be tired of a show being consistently excellent.
• Most pressingly, when the hell will I be recognized by the Emmy voters for Outstanding if Infrequent Television Blogger or Outstanding if Overconfident Talent for an Unproduced Television Writer?

Glee creator Ryan Murphy’s announcement that the McKinley kids would be graduating and leaving the show at the end of this upcoming season (stated with a “isn’t-this-totes-obvs?” tone) caused a stir surprising to even Murphy himself. Gleeks are practically worked up into a lather of separation anxiety. And it makes sense: no one is excited about the prospect of Glee devoid of Rachel’s self-aggrandizing, Finn’s lumbering dance moves, Mercedes’s vocal runs, and Brittany’s non sequiturs.

But his rationale is valid. Unless the show abandoned all pretense at realism (and it’s already halfway there with the rock-concert-worthy production values that accompany each performance), it’d be hard to draw out the chronology enough to allow the characters to stay at McKinley for any more seasons.

But Gleeks need not worry. The original stars are fantastic in their own unique ways, and they are collectively responsible for selling us on the show, but the show is not defined by them. Rather, The show is defined by the concept, the tone, the theatricality, and the (overstated) themes. Let’s face it: if the show were to continue without the original kids, Gleeks would still watch and likely enjoy the show. After all, there were only six members of the Glee club in the pilot episode: Rachel, Finn, Mercedes, Kurt, Artie, and Tina. Quinn, Brittany, Santana, Puck, Mike, Sam, and Lauren were all added to the mix later. (Oh, yeah, and that Matt guy… but we barely remember him.)

Murphy’s challenge now will be to make the changing of the guard as seamless as possible. The reason we grew to like additions like Sam, Lauren, and our favorite Cheerios so much was that they weren’t billed as replacements but rather introduced organically and intriguingly. The same needs to happen with the new New Directions. We need to be so taken with them that we forget they’re taking the place of the original crew.

Television history is chock-full with examples of cast replacements done both well and poorly. Only a fraction of the Grey’s Anatomy cast are Season 1 veterans, but the newer doctors are all equally likable. ER was a revolving door of cast members, but the still stayed fairly popular. On the flip side, fans never took to Doggett or Reyes in The X-Files or Rachel and Tom in Alias because those characters weren’t introduced as smoothly and fans could neither forget nor forgive that they were the heirs apparent.

And it’s not like there won’t be holdovers. None of the adults have any particular reason to leave McKinley, so we’ll still have Mr. Schuester and Sue Sylvester, as long as the potential for Emma Pillsbury, Coach Beistie, and maybe Holly Holliday if we’re especially lucky.

Gleeks, I’m optimistic about the changeover. It’s not only necessary but also potentially reinvigorating for the show. Uh, hello, don’t stop believing, okay?

Regardless of what you thought of the result (if you happened to see it), you have to admit that putting on a musical episode of Grey’s Anatomy—and doing so sincerely without a sense of parody or irony—indicates that Shonda Rhimes has some pretty major creator-balls. It certainly wasn’t Glee, and jazz hands were nowhere to be seen. It took a different tack to the trope of the musical episode, and it succeeded as much as it failed.

I get what Shonda tried to do, and I loved the idea of commemorating the songs that Grey’s made famous. But here’s the rub: a show’s music supervisor usually chooses songs whose tone sets the right mood for a certain scene and does so without much regard for the actual lyrics. So while the refrains of the songs fit in with the storyline (e.g. “Breathe,” “Wait,” “How We Operate,” “How To Save a Life”), the rest of the lyrics did not. Take The Fray’s hit song “How to Save a Life,” for example. It’s about failing to reverse a friend’s self-destruction, and that’s not quite applicable to Callie’s case. To be fair, however, some of the other songs (e.g. “Chasing Cars,” “Grace,” “The Story”) did actually make sense within the storyline.

The performances were a mixed bag. Sara Ramirez: awesome. Kevin McKidd, Chandra Wilson, Chyler Leigh: almost as awesome. Ellen Pompeo, Justin Chambers, Jessica Capshaw: surprisingly impressive. Kate Walsh, Kim Raver: points for trying. Patrick Dempsey, James Pickens Jr., Sandra Oh: musical no-shows! It’s no surprise that the talented singers were showcased more than the less-talented ones, but the editing of the scenes made the disparity so obvious. (Case in point: we saw and heard about one whole second of Addison singing.)

I loved the “book” of the musical, or the spoken script. Mark’s grief, Alex’s pessimism about his happily-ever-after, Arizona and Mark’s argument over Callie’s wishes, Arizona’s begging Callie to live, and—holy cow—Meredith’s elevator meltdown were all written with the brilliance we’ve come to expect from Shonda’s keystrokes.

But what really sold this episode was the absurd talent of one Sara Ramirez. This was her episode, and that’s not just because the hour was all about Callie. It’s because of Sara’s performance—on both sides of reality. In the the “real” world, she portrayed Callie’s trauma and terror with goosebump-raising authenticity. In the world of her imagination, she gave bravura performances of some our favorite songs with crackling emotion. The last chorus of “The Story” nearly brought Seattle Grace down and made the whole musical conceit worth it.

Was the episode a slam-dunk? Not nearly. Was the episode memorable, emotional, and bold? Absolutely. I applaud Shonda & Co., the cast, and the crew for taking the risk. And, not for nothing, I still have some of the tracks on repeat in my iTunes.

Note: I cannot tell a lie. Most of this post was repurposed from a blog post I wrote for Wetpaint. But I wanted to share my thoughts nonetheless. (And hey, cut a opportunistic, overstretched blogger some slack!)

The start of the current television season doesn’t feel too long ago, but already, the broadcast networks are putting together their fall slates and ordering pilot episodes of potential new series. After the scouring the intel rounded up by The Futon Critic, here are my thoughts on the lineup.

• The paranormal and supernatural continue to capture the imaginations of network execs: they’ve greenlit pilots about superpowers (FOX’s Touch, CBS’s The Rememberer), magic (NBC’s 17th Pricinct), angels (CBS’s untitled Susannah Grant project, The CW’s Heavenly), zombies (The CW’s Awakening), witches (The CW’s Secret Circle), fairy tales (ABC’s Once Upon a Time, NBC’s Grimm), haunted houses (FOX’s Locke & Key), alternate universes (NBC’s REM), and forces of good and evil (ABC’s Hallelujah).
• Remakes are ever-popular. The television series Charlie’s Angels, Wonder Woman, Prime Suspect are being remade for ABC, NBC, and NBC, respectively.
• Mean neighborhoods are the settings for three ABC pilots—or really, mean subdivisions: Good Christian Bitches, Revenge, and Suburgatory.
• Four pilots highlight the agony and the ecstasy of being young in New York City: CBS’s Two Broke Girls, ABC’s Lost & Found, The CW’s Hart of Dixie, FOX’s Chicks and Dicks.
• Some pilots are more unique in their setting: the Amazon (ABC’s The River), 1840s Boston (ABC’s Poe), the friendly skies of the Jet Age (ABC’s Pan Am), a Plymouth Plantation living history museum (NBC’s Brave New World), a Playboy Club in 1960s New York City (NBC’s Playboy), and Reconstruction-era America (NBC’s The Crossing).
• ABC has two bitchy pilots in development: the comedy Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23 (featuring none other than James Van Der Beek) and the drama Good Christian Bitches, both of bitch—sorry—both of which will probably be renamed if they make it to air.
• There are plenty of impressive names to go along with the pilots: Ashley Judd (ABC’s Missing), Zooey Deschanel (FOX’s Chicks and Dicks), Sarah Michelle Gellar (CBS’s Ringer), Tim Allen (ABC’s The Last Days of Man), Ethan Hawke (FOX’s Exit Strategy), Kiefer Sutherland (FOX’s Touch), Debra Messing (NBC’s Smash), Patrick Wilson (CBS’s untitled Susannah Grant project), Amanda Peet (NBC’s Bent), Christina Ricci (ABC’s Pan Am), Maria Bello (NBC’s Prime Suspect), Minnie Driver (CBS’s Hail Mary), Leelee Sobieski (CBS’s Rookies), and Jason Isaacs (NBC’s REM).
• But there are also a lot of famous producers on the slate, like Robert de Niro, Samuel L. Jackson, Will Smith, Conan O’Brien, Mark Wahlberg, Jennifer Lopez, Will Smith, Jack Black, Peter Berg, Drew Barrymore, and Steven Spielberg.
• Shonda Rhimes (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice) is trying again to get her third series on ABC: this time it’s the public relations drama In Crisis.
• J.J Abrams is back with two new dramas, NBC’s Person of Interest and FOX’s Alcatraz, both of which feature a Lost cast member. (Keep reading.)
• Lost alums are still making their presence known on the big screen. Should their pilots get picked up Michael Emerson (CBS’s Person of Interest), Henry Ian Cusick (ABC’s In Crisis), Nestor Carbonell (CBS’s The Ringer), and Jorge Garcia (FOX’s Alcatraz) will join Elizabeth Mitchell (V), Daniel Dae-Kim (Hawaii Five-0), Ian Somerhalder (The Vampire Diaries), and Kiele Sanchez (The Glades) as former castaways in new starring roles.

It’s often hard to remember all of the television I watch every year, but some episodes make themselves impossible to forget. The following hours or half-hours of television were exemplary in some way, whether it was for the writing or the direction of the episode; for the way they ended seasons or, in some cases, entire series; for their plots or subplots; for the emotional toll they took on the viewer; for the way they broke the mold and parted with tradition; or sometimes for just one scene or performance in particular.

1. Lost “The End” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for providing an unexpected, moving, and controversial finale sure to keep fans talking, dissecting, and criticizing for years to come.
2. Grey’s Anatomy “Sanctuary/Death and All His Friends”
   … for the tensest, most emotionally-draining two hours of television this year.
3. Breaking Bad “Half Measures”
   … for the brutal, game-changing last thirty seconds alone.
4. Mad Men “The Suitcase”
   … for the most finely-written “bottle episode” I’ve ever seen.
5. Lost “The Candidate”
   … for being the first television episode to actually elicit tears.
6. 24 “Day 8: 2:00 PM-3:00 PM/Day 8: 3:00 PM-4:00 PM”
   … for finally letting Jack Bauer run off into the sunset (even if he is doing so under duress) after a tender moment with Chloe
7. Fringe “Over There” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for smashing the two snowglobes—the two universes—together, and in so doing, kick-starting a powerful season to come.
8. The Buried Life “Make a Million Dollars” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for the guys’ dogged persistence and cheerful optimism in the face of their most challenging task yet.
9. Glee “The Substitute”
   … for Gwyneth Paltrow’s bravura performance as the goofy Holly Holliday.
10. Dollhouse “Epitaph Two”
    … for providing an epic, post-apocalyptic finale, while still being a love letter to the fans jilted by the show’s cancellation.
11. Private Practice “Did You Hear What Happened to Charlotte King”
    … for not dwelling on the rape so much as the physical and psychological aftereffects.
12. Breaking Bad “Full Measure”
    … for ending another stellar season with more narrative propulsion than any other third-season finale
13. Modern Family “Family Portrait”
    … for the scene of Mitchell attacking the pigeon in slow-motion to the sound of Cam’s rendition of “Ave Maria.”
14. Mad Men “Public Relations”
    … for showing the chinks in Don’s well-groomed armor that will lead to his season-long descent.
15. Community “Modern Warfare”
    … for making a paintball game into a riotous send-up of action movies and for letting Jeff and Britta act on—and purge—their romantic tension.
16. The Walking Dead “Wildfire”
    … for the horrific aftermath of the zombie incursion on the camp and for the survivors’ foray into the wilds of downtown Atlanta.
17. So You Think You Can Dance “Meet the Top 11″
    … for the humility of Kent Boyd’s impassioned speech and for the jubilation of the finalists and their family upon hearing the good news.
18. Justified “Blind Spot”
    … for Raylan’s chickens coming home to roost in regards to his relationship with Ava, for his intensifying verbal sparring with Boyd, and for the introduction of the Crowder patriarch, Bo.
19. Damages “The Next One’s Going In Your Throat”
    … for efficiently connecting all the dots laid out in the third season in a devastating and thrilling finale.
20. The Good Wife “Hi”
    … for the triumphant scene in which Daniel and Kalinda cleverly win Peter a retrial.

Honorable mentions: Parks and Recreation “Telethon”; The Good Wife “Running”; Modern Family “Fears”; Glee “Grilled Cheesus”; Cougar Town “When the Time Comes”; Fringe “Entrada”; Top Chef “History Never Repeats”; The Office “Andy’s Play”; Lost “LA X”; Breaking Bad “Sunset”; Justified “Bulletville”; Breaking Bad “One Minute”; Grey’s Anatomy “These Arms of Mine”; Modern Family “Strangers on a Treadmill”; Modern Family “Starry Night”; The Buried Life “Get Married in Vegas”; 30 Rock “When It Rains, It Pours”; Glee “Furt”

Katherine Heigl, best known for her award-winning turn as Dr. Isobel Stevens on Grey’s Anatomy, has given us several reasons lately to dislike her. Two years ago, she opted to not compete for an Emmy, citing poor material that season on Grey’s. Last year, she griped to David Letterman last year about long days on the set—when apparently it was her movie-promoting schedule that caused the cram. And this year, she abruptly left the show to which she owes everything after finding success as a big-screen A-lister.

Katherine Heigl was actually the reason I started watching Grey’s five years ago, having been a fan of hers from Roswell. But all of those comments and actions alienated me and a lot of other fans. I didn’t even bother considering the possibility that they were taken out of context—that maybe there was another side of the story. But for the most part, there wasn’t.

And remarkably, Heigl practically admits as much in an interview with Michael Ausiello of Entertainment Weekly. She takes full responsibility for those incidents. She understands her mistakes and why she’s perceived as, in Ausiello’s words, an “ungrateful diva.” And she apologizes to her fans in a way that seems humble and sincere.

She apologized for making her gripes with the writers of Grey’s after Season 4 public knowledge, saying, “I ambushed them, and it wasn’t very nice or fair.” She apologized for her comments on Letterman, saying that she didn’t realize at the time that the schedule was compressed to accommodate her press tour. And she apologized for the abrupt end to Izzie’s storyline, explaining that she’s leaving to spend more time with her newly-adopted daughter. ”And even though I know I’m disappointing the fans,” she says, “and I know I’m disappointing the writers and my fellow cast members and the crew, I just had to make a choice. I hope I made the right one…. It sucks. You wish you could have it all exactly the way you want it. But that’s not life.”

Her most telling response, however, was when Ausiello asked her about her reputation. “The ungrateful thing bothers me the most. And that is my fault. I allowed myself to be perceived that way because I was being whiny and I was griping and because I made these snarky comments. So much about living life, to me, is about humility and gratitude. And I’ve tried very hard to have those qualities and be that person and I’m just so disappointed in myself that I allowed it to slip.”

The excerpts above are only a fraction of the entire interview, all of which is an interesting read. I don’t hold any grudges toward her after reading her reflections—I’m a fan of hers again. Of course, the cynical side of me says that she could just be reciting lines provided to her by someone skilled in image rehab. But my intuition says that these words are hers—this is how she really feels.

And I respect her for owning up to her past mistakes. She didn’t try to pawn them off on other people (like Chloë Sevigny did after criticizing the latest season of Big Love). I hope her efforts at atonement don’t go unnoticed. But even if they do, as long as she upholds the humility and gratitude she claims to value, the public will forgive and forget—and focus on her talent.

‘Tis the season for development, and Lynette Rice at EW.com has released a list of the pilots the broadcast networks are considering. (Bear in mind that only a fraction of these shows will make it to the airwaves.) After perusing the list, I’ve reached the following conclusions:

• The public’s desire for shows about cops, doctors, and lawyers is still insatiable. By my count, 25 of the pilots are about these three professions. But some of these procedurals might be worth watching because of the attached talent: Forest Whitaker is heading up CBS’s Criminal Minds spin-off, NBC is pursuing Julianne Moore for their adaptation of BBC’s Prime Suspect, and Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica, 24) will star in a yet-to-be-titled detective series.
• Multi-camera comedies are coming in droves. If the term “multi-camera” doesn’t ring a bell, it refers to the traditional type of sitcom with live (or implied) audiences, three-sided sets, and cue cards. Seinfeld is a multi-camera comedy, whereas 30 Rock is a single-camera one. After the critical success of 30 Rock, there was high demand for single-camera comedies, but now it looks like the trend is reversing, probably because multi-camera ones are cheaper to produce. The multis on the development slate outnumber the singles 21 to 12. This disappoints me. I have a knee-jerk disgust to the very word “multi-camera.” I don’t like for the canned laughter, the fake-looking sets, the bland lighting, and—often times—the type of comedy itself. I know good work is being done on sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory, but I just haven’t been able to get into them. I’m not even making much headway on Seinfeld.
• The remake fever might not be a the pitch it was a couple of seasons ago, but we still have a few. CBS is updating Hawaii Five-O with Lost’s Daniel Dae Kim and Moonlight’s Alex O’Loughlin. NBC is taking another stab at The Rockford Files, this time under the direction of David Shore (House). And, interestingly, the CW is producing Nikita, an adaptation of La Femme Nikita.
• Spies and the CIA are once again in vogue. Now this is a trend I can get behind, mainly due to my undying love for Alias. All of the espionage series on the slate sound intriguing. CBS’s Chaos has Freddy Rodriguez heading up a “ragtag group of CIA operatives ensnared by backstabbing and bureaucratic snafus.” Fox’s The Station is a single-camera (huzzah!) comedy focusing on a “covert CIA operative and his work buddies embedded in South America.” Even the CW is getting in on the action with Nomads, a drama about “free-spirited” backpackers who carry out CIA missions around the world. But the pilot that I’m most excited about bar none is Undercovers, an NBC drama about married spies who pulled back into service. Why am I pumped? It’s created by my hero, god-among-men J.J. Abrams.
• Remember the 2005-2006 season when everyone wanted a piece of delicious Lost pie? Now everyone seemingly wants to replicate the critical and commercial success of Modern Family. ABC’s It Takes a Village and NBC’s Perfect Couples and Love Bites are all about various couples and their various intersections and intertwinings. I’m thanking God that Love Bites isn’t the name of another vampire series.
• I kind of miss the Lost knock-off trend, though. I want more heavily-serialized stuff, like this season’s intriguingV and FlashForward. There’s only one enigmatic-sounding pilot on the list, NBC’s The Event, a “thriller about a regular Joe caught up in a large conspiracy.”
• We may have dodged a bullet on Love Bites, but terrible names abound elsewhere. Some names are yawningly on-the-nose (Friends with Benefits), some are pun-ishing (Strange Brew—a brewery comedy), some have unfortunate connotations (The Wyoming Project, which brings to mind The Laramie Project), and some are just bizarre (Edgar Floats—a type of inner tube or a soda-fountain treat?). The worst one, however, is The Quinn-Tuplets. Naming characters to serve a pun in the title is a practice that needs to end. I’m still not convinced that Meredith Grey was so-named before the show was christened Grey’s Anatomy.
• Shonda Rhimes’ new show Off the Map is, once again, about doctors (presumably) in love. Okay, Shonda, you have a formula that works—I understand. But what’s neato about this ABC pilot is that it’s being filmed in Puerto Rico. As much as I love Los Angeles, New York City, and Vancouver (woohoo!), I appreciate when a show is filmed in the actual place (like Breaking Bad, which is filmed in New Mexico) or a reasonable stand-in (like Lost and Hawaii).
• There are two dramas about superheroes, NBC’s The Cape and ABC’s No Ordinary Family, the latter of which marks the small-screen return of The Shield’s Michael Chiklis.
• The rotten banana of the bunch seems to be Chuck Lorre’s latest sitcom for CBS, Mike and Molly, about “a couple that overeats.” If that right there is the punchline for the whole show, it sounds abysmally bad. As much as Eddie Murphy might disagree with me, obesity isn’t that funny, especially in today’s America.
• But on the other end of spectrum are pilots that seem quite promising. Reno 911! creators and Night at the Museum scribes Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant are producing a sitcom for NBC about a ex-child star who opens a bar in Vegas. ABC has a drama pilot in the works called Matadors, which centers on two feuding Chicago families and stars David Strathairn (of Good Night, and Good Luck fame). And the Alphabet Network is also developing a comedy called Mr. Sunshine starring Matthew Perry as a “self-absorbed manager of a sport arena” and co-starring Allison Janney. (Both of those stars previously guest-starred on each other’s Aaron Sorkin show, Perry on Janney’s The West Wing, and Janney or Perry’s Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.)

Of course, everything is subject to change before May, when the networks present the shows that survive this phase to the advertisers at their “upfront” events. That’s when all this speculation will end, and hopefully by then the wheat will be separated from the (ahem, Mike and Molly) chaff.

Aloha, dear TV junkies.  I may be on vacation, but thanks to some coffeshop wi-fi, I’m still able to update this here blog with cinnamon-bun-sticky fingers.  Surely you didn’t think I’d forgotten about honoring the best small-screen moments of 2009!  Listed below are my favorite episodes across the airwaves from all of last year.  Is the list comprehensive?  Maybe not.  Does the order tend to be arbitrary?  Perhaps.  But still, I believe this to be a pretty good representation of 2009′s highlights.  Writers and directors of the below episodes, I raise my iced-coffee cup to you.

1. Battlestar Galactica “Daybreak, Part 2″  No matter if you loved the end or hated it, the final two hours of this show boldly went where no show has gone before. A catastrophic first hour was followed by a contemplative second. The epic space saga went out with a bang and then a whisper.
2. Mad Men “Shut the Door, Have a Seat”  After an intense season of smoldering interpersonal drama, this episode was one of the most light-hearted and cathartic. In the vaguest terms I can use, Don closed some doors and opened others. He reinvented himself, and the show was reborn anew.
3. Breaking Bad “Phoenix”  Often the penultimate episode of a season is just as climactic as the finale, as proven by Breaking Bad. Without spoiling anything, it was Walter White’s inaction during a gut-wrenching dilemma that made this episode so powerful.
4. Glee “Sectionals”  Between Mercedes’s powerful “And I Am Telling You” rendition, Rachel’s “Don’t Rain on My Parade” showstopper, and the club’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” dedication, the musical numbers in this fall finale were brilliant enough to tide us over until the show’s return in spring.
5. 30 Rock “Apollo, Apollo”  It’s hard to top Jack Donaghy’s excitement-puking and Kenneth’s Muppet-vision, but what made this episode the best of its season was the Polish singles’ line commercial that a young Liz Lemon debased herself by appearing in. Remember, just call 1-800-OKFACE.
6. Dollhouse “Omega”  After the startling return of rogue-doll Alpha at the end of the preceding episode, this episode shows the making (read: programming) of a maniac. The Dollhouse made its bed, and now it might have to die in it!
7. Breaking Bad “Negro y Azul”  Any episode that starts with a mariachi band and ends with an exploding turtle surely deserves a spot high on this list.
8. Lost “Dead is Dead”  It’s Judgment Day for the conniving Benjamin Linus as “the Island” takes him on a painful trip down memory lane. By the end, his relinquishing of power leaves him impotent… and dangerously desperate.
9. Glee “Pilot”  FOX was so excited about this episode, the network aired it four months before the series even started. With the well-crafted song-and-dance numbers, the satirical commentary on the high school food chain, and the hilarious immaturity of the show’s adult characters, I could not stop believing that Glee would be a hit.
10. Grey’s Anatomy “Here’s to Future Days/Now or Never”  This show may be showing its age, but watching the end of this fifth-season finale was tantamount to mainlining adrenaline when the identity of the heroic (and doomed) John Doe was realized.
11. Californication “The Apartment”  A day of reckoning comes for Hank Moody when all the major players in his life coincidentally convene under one roof. In true farce-like fashion, he scrambles to accommodate his girlfriend, his mistresses, his mistress’s husband, his daughter, his best friend, a few random prostitutes, and Rick Springfield, all the while trying to keep his indiscretions under wraps.
12. Modern Family “Pilot”  The premise is simplistic—the daily travails of three families that are “nuclear” for the new millennium—but the writing and acting is refined. Oh, and the show happens to be hilarious. With this episode alone, this show skyrocketed to the elite of half-hour comedies.
13. So You Think You Can Dance “Top 20 Showcase”  This was an episode without missteps—just the top twenty competitors dancing in their own genres, resulting in routines that were almost unmatched by the rest of the season. (Almost.) What was otherwise a filler episode turned into the best hour of the season.
14. Fringe “There’s More Than One of Everything”  John Noble’s most impressive acting came when his character revisited the memories of a beach house with his son. And the alternate-reality story thread tangles as Olivia finds herself in the most improbable of locations in the ballsy cliffhanger.
15. Lost “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham”  At last, we discover how He Who Shall Be Named Jeremy Bentham died. Frustrated by his failure to get the gang back together and feeling spurned by destiny, he decides to take his own life. But his real cause of death, which we find out minutes later, is even darker.
16. Parks and Recreation “Beauty Pageant”  One of the first episodes of the season, this installment solidified Parks and Recreation’s status as suddenly brilliant. Example Leslie Knope line: “This [mural] depicts a famous fight between Reverend Bradley and Anna Beth Stevenson, widowed mother of seven. The original title of this was ‘A Lively Fisting.’ But, you know, they had to change it… for obvious reasons.”
17. Damages “Trust Me”  Flash-forwards as a narrative technique are a hot ticket right now, but Damages uses them in a brilliantly manipulative way, revealing a little more of certain scenes in each episode. And in “Trust Me,” all the cards are laid out in this punch-out ending to a gripping season.
18. True Blood “I Will Rise Up”  It started with an act of terrorism perpetrated by humans and ended with an act of tenderness by a human—Sookie Stackhouse—surprising the millennia-old Godric, who had seen the worst of our race’s behavior in his lifetime. Plus, this episode featured another dialogue gem from Lafayette: “I don’t know what you is, but I’m feelin’ you, and you a soulless bitch.”
19. Top Chef “Finale, Part 1″  No matter what you thought of this season’s winner (or even the order of the runners-up), all Top Chef viewers could agree that Keven, Jennifer, and the Voltaggios were the four best contenstants. And to see them duke it out in Napa Valley (aboard a moving train, no less) was a treat.
20. Lie to Me “The Core of It”  Like Parks and Recreation, this procedural drama also came back from its hiatus creatively reinvigorated. In this episode, Cal Lightman and his group have to contend with a murder witness with multiple personalities. Not only do they have to figure out which of her multiple personalities saw the crime, but they also have to find a way to trigger that personality. Guest star Erika Christiansen is scary-good as Sophie/Trisha/Jessie/RJ.

Because it’s the end of the year (and of the decade), every TV critic is releasing best-of lists. And I am no exception, though small-potatoes I may be. Ergo I announce the First Annual Primie Awards! And the first category honors the 15 characters whom I appreciate most, in descending order of awesomeness. Frankly, the shows below would just be suckier without them!

1. Sue Sylvester (Glee) When Sue swaggers onscreen in one of her splashy tracksuits, you know that she’s say something both wildly inappropriate and gut-bustingly funny. The malicious comments she deploys in her jihad against McKinley High’s glee club almost makes you root for her. Played by Jane Lynch.
2. Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation) The reluctant supervisor of Pawnee’s parks department had a breakout season that had him facing off with his domineering ex, presiding over the breakfast buffet at a strip club, enjoying a shoe-shining a bit too much, and having his scalp leaded with buckshot. Played by Nick Offerman.
3. Walter Bishop (Fringe) Last season, we saw the charming kookiness behind Walter’s mad-scientist-ness.  Now we’re seeing the vulnerability behind that charming kookiness. What layer will be unearthed next? Played by John Noble.
4. Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica) Love her or hate her, you have to acknowledge that Starbuck’s so-called destiny directly influenced the fate of humankind… in a way that’s very open to interpretation. Played by Katee Sackhoff.
5. Manny Delgado (Modern Family) One of the youngest and yet most mature members of the Pritchett clan, Manny is wise beyond his years—and quite the fencer, too. Played by Rico Rodriguez.
6. Benjamin Linus (Lost) In a show that specializes in shades of gray, it’s no surprise that Ben isn’t relentlessly villainous. We’ve seen glimpses of his humanity. But just before we start to like him, he does something like staging a character’s suicide—and we’re reminded of how much we hate him (and love to hate him). Played by Michael Emerson.
7. Arizona Robbins (Grey’s Anatomy) She’s often viewed as the happy-go-lucky pediatrics doc, but between her anguish over little Wallace and her blurting out “I love you” to Callie in the episode “Invest in Love,” she won me over. Played by Jessica Capshaw.
8. Troy/Abed (Community) Some of the funniest moments of Community came in the final minute of each episode when the credits were rolling—an end tag that became the Troy and Abed Show after the hilarious Spanish 101 rap (a.k.a. “La Biblioteca”). Community has been uneven so far, but Troy and Abed represent reliable comedy. Comedy you can believe in! Played by Danny Pudi and Donald Glover, respectively.
9. Saul Tigh (Battlestar Galactica) For reasons too spoilery to reveal here, ole One Eye Tigh had some of the most tumultuous internal conflict in Battlestar’s final season. Let’s just say that he found himself intimately associated with those who were once his enemies. Played by Michael Hogan.
10. Jenna Maroney (30 Rock) Ditzy fame-whore Jenna is everything that Liz Lemon isn’t, but just as much of a dysfunctional human. Her constant oversharing gives us mere glimpses into her bizarre life. (For example: “The reason I speak with a slight English inflection in my voice is because I lost my virginity to the My Fair Lady soundtrack.”) Played by Jane Krakowski.
11. Lester Patel (Chuck) Lester went from neurotic tech nerd to neurotic tech nerd and rock star with the debut of cover band Jeffster, performing awesomely bad versions of 80s classics like “Africa” and “Mr. Roboto.” True, Lester is only one half of Jeffster, but his bandmate Jeff is just too out-there for this list! Played by Vik Sahay.
12. Victor (Dollhouse) Besides a few face slashes here or there, Victor is the doll with the most fun: his “imprints” involve bedding boss Adelle DeWitt, acting like an exact clone of tech-whiz Topher, or channeling his inner sorority girl. And hey, those cuts healed remarkably fast, didn’t they? Played by Enver Gjokaj.
13. Hoyt Fortenberry (True Blood) As one of the only truly good residents of Bon Temps, Hoyt became more than just a background player this season when he fell in love with newly-vampirized Jessica, much to the dismay of his oppressively devout mother. His evolution from (momma’s) boy to man was great to see. Played by Jim Parrack.
14. Walter White, Jr. (Breaking Bad) His relationship with his emotionally-elusive dad is tenuous, but Junior still went to incredible (and touching) lengths last season to raise money for Senior’s cancer care. Played by R.J. Mitte.
15. Anna (V) Leader of the Visitors, Anna is alternately calculating, eloquent, manipulative, and alluring. A wolf in sheep’s (well-tailored) clothing. Played by Morena Baccarin.

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2′s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.

The Emmys snuck up on me this year, but ever since I learned that the ceremony was tonight, my plans were set. (That said, an hour’s intermission for Mad Men might be in order.) I’m not predicting the winners here, mind you, but stating who I’m rooting for. I haven’t seen all of the nominated shows and performances, but from what I have seen, here are my picks for some of the top categories:

Outstanding Drama Series
Breaking Bad

No other show in the category is under-subscribed as this one, and yet it’s one of the most nuanced, emotionally profound series on television. It would be a real coup if it won.

Outstanding Comedy Series
30 Rock

From Oprah hallucinations to Night Court reunions to Muppets in space to Salma Hayek saying “coco for cuckoo poops,” this show continues to outdo itself season after season.

Outstanding Lead Actor – Drama Series
Jon Hamm (Mad Men)

…for a man who makes being emotionally distant look so cool. A furrowed eyebrow is the biggest response you’ll get out of him.

Outstanding Lead Actress – Drama Series
Glenn Close (Damages)

…for being alternately—and believably—vulnerable and terrifying. (And when I say terrifying, I mean she’s almost as scary as her character in Fatal Attraction.)

Outstanding Lead Actor – Comedy Series
Steve Carell (The Office)

Emmy voters love characters with moral ambiguity, and you can never tell of how much of his own assholiness Michael Scott is aware. Plus, this is Carell’s fourth consecutive nomination in this category. Clearly he’s doing something right!

Outstanding Lead Actress – Comedy Series
Christina Applegate (Samantha Who?)

If we can’t have Samantha Who? on our screens, we should at least honor the star, whose performance of the sunny, optimistic Samantha made losing one’s memory almost look like fun.

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Drama Series
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)

A win for him seems like a long shot, but Aaron Paul’s performance won me over this year. He made an imbecilic druggie a character you can root for—and feel for during the devastating conclusion to the season.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Drama Series
Chandra Wilson (Grey’s Anatomy)

Bailey is the most rational, sage character in a hospital brimming with angst and impulsive behavior, even when her own life is imploding. Besides, this is Wilson’s fourth consecutive nomination in this category. Clearly she’s doing something right!

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Comedy Series
Tracy Morgan (30 Rock)

…simply or making Tracy Jordan the craziest person you’d ever want to be your best friend.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Comedy Series
Kristin Chenoweth (Pushing Daisies)

How is so much talent contained in such a tiny lady? I have no idea, but her portrayal as the hopelessly-devoted Olive Snook almost makes you want to break up Ned and Chuck. Almost.

Outstanding Reality Competition Program
Top Chef

…for being one of the classiest, most respectable reality shows on the air, and for making us all want to become food savants.

]]> http://primetimely.com/2009/09/2009-emmys-my-winners/feed/ 1 http://primetimely.com/2009/08/heirarchy-of-obsessiveness/ http://primetimely.com/2009/08/heirarchy-of-obsessiveness/#comments Sat, 01 Aug 2009 21:12:20 +0000 Dan Clarendon http://primetimely.com/?p=35

The following post was originally published on my old blog on February 4, 2009.  Updates to this post are noted below.

Under some pretense of being an organized person (ha!), I keep a very meticulous list of the episodes I have yet to see for all the shows I follow. And I’ve noticed definite trends regarding my level of addiction to certain shows—or the lack thereof—as shown in the following categories. (I should point out that this is nowhere near a comprehensive list!)

Must-See TV I want to see it, and I want to see it now.

• Battlestar Galactica
• Lost
• 30 Rock
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Chuck

Will-See TV I love it, but I might be a few episodes behind.

• 24
• Heroes (Update: Lo, how the mighty Heroes has fallen.)
• Mad Men
• Damages
• Californication

Might-See TV I’ve liked what I’ve seen, but I have a serious backlog.

• Pushing Daisies
• Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
• True Blood (Update: The more I watch this, the more I love it.)

Should-See TV I know, I know, I have to watch it. So you keep telling me!

• The Wire
• Friends
• Friday Night Lights
• The Office (Update: I got caught up in April, and this is must-see TV now.)

Won’t-See TV No, thank you.

• CSI
• NCIS
• Law & Order
• American Idol