or, A Television-Related Word Association Experiment With the Love of My Life

Here’s a list of every current show I watch, and my boyfriend’s instant reaction to each.

• 30 Rock “Oh, Tina Fey…” (smiles)
• American Horror Story ”Thrills me.”
• Boardwalk Empire “Costumes…”
• Breaking Bad “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t know.  Come back to me with that one.”
• Burn Notice “Never saw it… oh, but that guy is hot.”
• Californication “Gah… can’t get into it… but I want to.”
• Community “Growing on me.”
• Cougar Town “Stupid.”
• Covert Affairs “Oh, Piper Peek-a-boo.  That’s what my dad calls her… looks pretty stupid, though.  It looks like a dumbed-down Alias, if Alias could be any dumber.”
• Curb Your Enthusiasm ”I hate Seinfeld.”
• Damages “I don’t know anything about that show.  What is that show?”
• Desperate Housewives ”Ugh… desperate.”
• Dexter “Love it.  Those cat eyes.”
• Fringe “Ugh… it has that guy from Dawson’s Creek.”
• Glee “Oh, I love Lea Michele.  Oh!  Mercedes!  What’s her name in real life?”
• Gossip Girl “Ed. Westwick. Two words.”
• Grey’s Anatomy (gags ) “Menopause.”
• Justified “I wanna watch that.  It has that guy with the French last name that sounds like ‘elephant.’ E-le-phant.  You should use those French accents.”
• Louie “Say that again?”
• Mad Men (sighs) “Upsets me.”
• Modern Family “Oh my god.  I could watch that all day.”
• Nikita “Oh my god… the CW…”
• Once Upon a Time “I love Ginnifer Goodwin.  Godwin.  Goodwin.”
• Parenthood “I adore that show.”
• Parks and Recreation (smiles admiringly and shrugs)
• Private Practice “Ugh… keep it private.”
• Raising Hope “Babies.”
• Revenge “Oh, that’s the girl I’m gonna see soon in ‘Bros and Hos’ [our nickname for Brothers and Sisters].  Living in the Hamptons is so nice.  Except I hate those people.”
• So You Think You Can Dance “The judges really think they can talk”
• The A-List: New York “Not a list I want to be a part of.  Not ‘a list‘.” (laughs)
• The Buried Life “Oh.  That’s like a bucket list for adult people.  Or, or for kids.  I do want to watch that.”
• The Glee Project ”I really hated those kids.  And I did not like the results.”
• The Good Wife “Always hesitant to start, but I love it by the end.  That Kalinda: she can seduce everyone, and she’s really not that hot.  But she’s cunning.  She’s kind of like an animal actually.  Don’t you think so?  She just kinda fills her animalistic needs.”
• The Office “Ugh… never got into it.  I love Steve Carrell.  And I love that British dude who insults everyone.”
• The Sing-Off  “Nick Lachey is a really dumb host.”
• The Voice ”Oh, we were on that.”
• The Walking Dead “I really don’t like anything that has to do with zombies, except for 28 Days Later.”
• True Blood “Oh my god.  ’Sookie.’  That is also one of the first shows to make a gay person of color a main character, and in a really positive way.  People respect him.”
• Top Chef  “My dream career.  That show tantalizes me.  That shows tantalizes my every vittle.” (laughs)  ”What do you want for dinner tonight?”

My year-end accolades (or year-beginning ones, as the case may be) always come with a disclaimer: I haven’t watched all the awesome TV out there. There’s no Boardwalk Empire on this list, no Homeland, no Game of Thrones… and I can’t even award Breaking Bad because I’ve only seen three episodes of this year’s season! But, c’mon, every TV critic must be missing out on something worthwhile… at least, those TV critics with social lives. (And I should know—I used to not have one to speak of!) Anyway, enough navel-gazing. Of the shows I’ve followed consistently, here are my favorites.

1. American Horror Story
2. The Good Wife (2010: #8)
3. Modern Family (2010: #4)
4. Justified (2010: #10)
5. Dexter
6. Parenthood
7. Community (2010: #5)
8. Parks and Recreation (2010: #7)
9. Fringe (2010: #6)
10. True Blood

The start of a new year makes us all reflect on the previous 365 days, but it makes this blogger reminisce not only about the year that was but also the television that was. That’s right: as is tradition this time of year, it’s time for another round of the Primies. Not the most prestigious awards, perhaps, but let’s hope it’s a bit more entertaining (and maybe even more credible) than last night’s People Choice Awards? In any case, here are the characters I appreciated the most in 2011. And I should also take this opportunity to categorically commend the actors who portray these characters, since even the best writing needs the perfect delivery. Finally, let this be a warning to all ye who continue: spoilers abound!

1. Debra Morgan (Dexter) This season saw this profanity-spewing Miami Metro detective was make lieutenant, but the promotion alienated her from her team. Couple that loneliness with her disconnectedness with her brother, and the revelation of what that dependency means, and the revelation of who her brother is; and you get a woman for whom every aspect of life is unraveling. Played by Jennifer Carpenter.
2. Mags Bennett (Justified) The matriarch of the Bennett family was always ready with a glass of her famous “apple pie” on top of the table and a sawed-off shotgun below it. She could have easily been portrayed as a backwoods simpleton, but her cunning and deviousness almost outstripped Raylan’s in the culmination of the Bennett/Givens feud. Played by Margo Martindale.
3. Kristina Braverman (Parenthood) Kristina has a lot on her plate these days: a teenage daughter on the brink of adulthood, a son with Asberger’s, a weeks-old baby, and a husband starting his own business—not to mention a zany bunch of in-laws. And she handles it all with an admirable amount of patience and compassion, but her humanity truly comes through when it all proves too much for her. That realness makes her brand of “parenthood” the most relatable of the show. Played by Monica Potter.
4. Gloria Delgado-Pritchett (Modern Family) Disregarding her sex appeal (reluctantly), Gloria is a pleasure to watch every week because of two reasons: her Colombian accent is ripe for comedy, and her references to her upbringing—e.g. any anecdote starting off with “In my country…”—are reliably funny. Played by Sofia Vergara.
5. Santana Lopez (Glee) Despite the Glee fatigue some of us are feeling, one of the better developments of late is the amount of time Santana is in the spotlight. Once known as the other Cheerio singing back-up for Quinn, this pistol from Lima Heights Adjacent has been showing off her considerable pipes recently, particularly in duets with Mercedes. Played by Naya Rivera.
6. Constance Langdon (American Horror Story) Never mind that the Tinseltown limelight never shone upon her, never mind that she murdered her husband and her maid, and never mind that her children are all resting in peace (or otherwise), Constance is still unflappable—not to mention perfectly coiffed. Played by Jessica Lange.
7. Eli Gold (The Good Wife) A brilliant strategist, Eli’s political savvy and tactics won Peter Florrick the seat of State’s Attorney, but he always seems two poll points away from a nervous breakdown. In fact, he is at his comedic best when he loses his cool. (Talking to the chairman of the Democratic Committee, he sputters, “Where did you go to school, you idiot!”) Played by Alan Cumming.
8. Rubber Man (American Horror Story) Easily the most unnerving (if not totally terrifying) character of the year, the silent, omnipresent Rubber Man haunted, raped, and/or murdered inhabitants of the so-called Murder House—and we won’t even dwell on what he did with the fire poker. Played by Riley Schmidt, Evan Peters, and Dylan McDermott.
9. Lafayette Reynolds (True Blood) Honoring Lafayette on this list is long overdue, since his gaudy style and cutting remarks make him one of my (and so many other Truebies’) favorite characters. But he deserves even more recognition this season for being put through the ringer. Not only was he embodied by not one but two spirits, but his boyfriend and (presumably) his cousin lost their lives. Time will tell how or if he recovers from these blows. Played by Nelsan Ellis.
10. Amber Braverman (Parenthood) Amber has grown up so much since the days of her teenage rebellion, but she still has so much further to go. Her transition into adulthood and her struggles making it on her own are recognizable to me and probably anyone my age. Played by Mae Whitman.
11. Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl) After establishing herself as the Queen Bee of the Upper East Side youth the previous three seasons, Seasons 4 and 5 has shown a softer side of Blair—evidenced in her platonic dependence on Dan. And this Dan appreciates the dimensionality. Played by Leighton Meester.
12. Burt Chance (Raising Hope) Easily amused, never mature, and never quite capable or competent, Burt still transcends poor-white-trash humor and becomes endearing because he’s so good-natured and well-meaning. That said, he’s funniest when his stupidity rears its airy head. Played by Garret Dillahunt.
13. Tom Haverford (Parks and Recreation) Normally, this level of delusional confidence would grow tiresome, but with Tom, it’s always entertaining. His storylines are even funnier when his self-promotion comes this close to paying off before he puts his foot in his mouth or otherwise happens to blow his cover. Played by Aziz Ansari.
14. Dickie Bennett (Justified) Deficient of his mother’s cleverness, Dickie is a bit of an idiot—but a dangerous idiot because of his fast trigger-finger and even faster temper. Still, he had a hickish way with words, and for that I salute him. Played by Jeremy Davies.
15. Henry Burton (Grey’s Anatomy) Effortless charm is not a common personality trait, but Henry has it. And though he was never pessimistic about his health troubles (or anything else for that matter), Henry always struck me as an underdog type, which is why it was so good to see Teddy make him happy. Played by Scott Foley.

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It’s been months and months since my last blog post. And in that time span, the Emmys broadcast came and went, uncommented on—until now! Yes, though it may be ridiculously belated, I’m here to opine, ruminate, and wax poetic on all things Emmy. Hey, at least I’m doing so before next year’s broadcast…

• Even though the opening number didn’t wow me (until the Mad Men bit, that is), I still think Jane Lynch made for a fine Emmy host, and I hope the producers continue to make unexpected choices for the hosting gig for future ceremonies.
• All hail Modern Family. Not only was it chosen as Outstanding Comedy Series, but Phil and Claire Dunphy themselves, Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen, were chosen as the comedy world’s best supporting actor and actress. Plus, the show also took home awards for its writing and directing.
• That said, I could have used some more Parks and Recreation lovin’, since that show jockeys in my mind with Modern Family for the best comedy on TV right now.
• I loved Melissa McCarthy on Samantha Who? (and I hear she was just as lovable in Gilmore Girls), and now she’s finally getting her moment in the sun, what with a scene-stealing turn in Bridesmaids, Emmy gold for Mike & Molly, and a recent critically-adored hosting job on SNL.
• Still haven’t watched The Big Bang Theory, but congrats to Jim Parsons nonetheless for nabbing Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series. I’d be eager to watch, but I just have too much television on my plate.
• Once again, The Daily Show is hailed as the best of all variety, music, and comedy series—and I feel shameful that I haven’t even gone to see a live taping here in New York.
• It was hugely gratifying to see Margo Martindale win for her role as Mama on the criminally-underrated Justified. And I’d nominate Mama’s “apple pie” in Most Tantalizing Moonshine category.
• It seems like fans of Friday Night Lights bemoan its lack of attention, so I felt some vicarious vindication when Kyle Chandler won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series. Still, I was rooting for Justified‘s Timothy Olyphant…
• Julianna Margulies? Love her. Love everything about her. Love The Good Wife. Yep.
• As much as I enjoy The Amazing Race, I think that Top Chef put up a better season this year. Both shows brought back former “also-ran” contestants to compete again this season, but Top Chef‘s contest was just more engaging.
• Much as I enjoy Grey’s Anatomy (discounting the fact that I get paid to enjoy it), I do think that Loretta Divine deserved the show’s one and only acting nomination, and I’m tickled that she won it, because this scene is definitely Emmy material.
• When I saw Kate Winslet in the audience, I assumed she was just there for show. Then I remembered (and then she won for) her role in HBO’s Mildred Pierce miniseries. And that’s great, because she’s just so freakin’ likable.
• Much as I love Mad Men, I found myself a little dismayed that it won this year again. Seems to me that any of the other four shows (Dexter, The Good Wife, Friday Night Lights, Game of Thrones) would be just as worthy. Is Mad Men Fatigue possible? And if so, is it justifiable? I guess it’s a high-class problem to be tired of a show being consistently excellent.
• Most pressingly, when the hell will I be recognized by the Emmy voters for Outstanding if Infrequent Television Blogger or Outstanding if Overconfident Talent for an Unproduced Television Writer?

Because it’s already February of the next year and I’m feeling sheepish, let’s just speed through this! Here is the pantheon of shows which, in my opinion, made television a bit more divine in 2010. (Note: I have not yet seen Boardwalk Empire or Downton Abbey—forgive me.)

1. Mad Men (2010: #2)
2. Lost (2010: #3)
3. Breaking Bad (2010: #1)
4. Modern Family (2010: #7)
5. Community
6. Fringe (2010: #8)
7. Parks and Recreation
8. The Good Wife
9. The Buried Life
10. Justified

It’s often hard to remember all of the television I watch every year, but some episodes make themselves impossible to forget. The following hours or half-hours of television were exemplary in some way, whether it was for the writing or the direction of the episode; for the way they ended seasons or, in some cases, entire series; for their plots or subplots; for the emotional toll they took on the viewer; for the way they broke the mold and parted with tradition; or sometimes for just one scene or performance in particular.

1. Lost “The End” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for providing an unexpected, moving, and controversial finale sure to keep fans talking, dissecting, and criticizing for years to come.
2. Grey’s Anatomy “Sanctuary/Death and All His Friends”
   … for the tensest, most emotionally-draining two hours of television this year.
3. Breaking Bad “Half Measures”
   … for the brutal, game-changing last thirty seconds alone.
4. Mad Men “The Suitcase”
   … for the most finely-written “bottle episode” I’ve ever seen.
5. Lost “The Candidate”
   … for being the first television episode to actually elicit tears.
6. 24 “Day 8: 2:00 PM-3:00 PM/Day 8: 3:00 PM-4:00 PM”
   … for finally letting Jack Bauer run off into the sunset (even if he is doing so under duress) after a tender moment with Chloe
7. Fringe “Over There” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for smashing the two snowglobes—the two universes—together, and in so doing, kick-starting a powerful season to come.
8. The Buried Life “Make a Million Dollars” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for the guys’ dogged persistence and cheerful optimism in the face of their most challenging task yet.
9. Glee “The Substitute”
   … for Gwyneth Paltrow’s bravura performance as the goofy Holly Holliday.
10. Dollhouse “Epitaph Two”
    … for providing an epic, post-apocalyptic finale, while still being a love letter to the fans jilted by the show’s cancellation.
11. Private Practice “Did You Hear What Happened to Charlotte King”
    … for not dwelling on the rape so much as the physical and psychological aftereffects.
12. Breaking Bad “Full Measure”
    … for ending another stellar season with more narrative propulsion than any other third-season finale
13. Modern Family “Family Portrait”
    … for the scene of Mitchell attacking the pigeon in slow-motion to the sound of Cam’s rendition of “Ave Maria.”
14. Mad Men “Public Relations”
    … for showing the chinks in Don’s well-groomed armor that will lead to his season-long descent.
15. Community “Modern Warfare”
    … for making a paintball game into a riotous send-up of action movies and for letting Jeff and Britta act on—and purge—their romantic tension.
16. The Walking Dead “Wildfire”
    … for the horrific aftermath of the zombie incursion on the camp and for the survivors’ foray into the wilds of downtown Atlanta.
17. So You Think You Can Dance “Meet the Top 11″
    … for the humility of Kent Boyd’s impassioned speech and for the jubilation of the finalists and their family upon hearing the good news.
18. Justified “Blind Spot”
    … for Raylan’s chickens coming home to roost in regards to his relationship with Ava, for his intensifying verbal sparring with Boyd, and for the introduction of the Crowder patriarch, Bo.
19. Damages “The Next One’s Going In Your Throat”
    … for efficiently connecting all the dots laid out in the third season in a devastating and thrilling finale.
20. The Good Wife “Hi”
    … for the triumphant scene in which Daniel and Kalinda cleverly win Peter a retrial.

Honorable mentions: Parks and Recreation “Telethon”; The Good Wife “Running”; Modern Family “Fears”; Glee “Grilled Cheesus”; Cougar Town “When the Time Comes”; Fringe “Entrada”; Top Chef “History Never Repeats”; The Office “Andy’s Play”; Lost “LA X”; Breaking Bad “Sunset”; Justified “Bulletville”; Breaking Bad “One Minute”; Grey’s Anatomy “These Arms of Mine”; Modern Family “Strangers on a Treadmill”; Modern Family “Starry Night”; The Buried Life “Get Married in Vegas”; 30 Rock “When It Rains, It Pours”; Glee “Furt”

In the waning hours of 2010, allow me to kick-start the Second Annual Primie Awards. Below are my favorite fifteen characters from the past year of television, again listed in descending order of awesomeness. (One could only dream of a context that would bring all of them together to share the screen!)

1. Kalinda Sharma (The Good Wife) If mystery is sexy, Kalinda is a bombshell. The tight-lipped private investigator radiates allure and ambiguity while keeping herself impassive and collected… most of the time. And when she let her emotions show, she does so in grand fashion, like taking a baseball bat to her rival’s car before leaving a kiss on the rear-view. She wins cool points even when she loses her cool. Played by Archie Panjabi.
2. Phil Dunphy (Modern Family) There’s not one weak link on this show, but this year, I’m honoring Phil. (Or, as Gloria would say, “Feeeeel.”) He’s so desperate in his attempts to stay hip and cool that it’s embarrassing, but in a weird way, it’s so embarrassing that he actually becomes kinda cool again. Huh. Played by Ty Burrell.
3. Olivia Dunham (Fringe) On our side, Olivia is empathetic, cool, and logical. In the alternate universe, she’s combative, single-minded, and impulsive—oh, and a redhead. When the two Olivias switched universes, each camouflaged herself like the other (by choice or otherwise), and the inherent difficulties and dilemmas were the highlights of the season so far. Played by Anna Torv.
4. Brittany Pierce (Glee) Who would have guessed that Brittany would be the new fan favorite in Season 2? Credit her brilliantly-dumb observations and her insane footwork, both of which were on full display in the episode devoted to her, “Britney/Brittany.” Played by Heather Morris.
5. Raylan Givens (Justified) Not only does this U.S. Marshal have a fun name to say out loud (and it must be said with a Southern accent), but he is also a helluva shot who vacillates between even- and hot-temperedness. It’s like he’ll try to calmly reason with you for five minutes before pulling his sidearm and shooting you between the eyes. Played by Timothy Olyphant.
6. Ellie Torres (Cougar Town) The role of “bitchy best friend” has been overplayed, but Ellie Torres revitalizes the trope with cutting wit and grudging love. As far as the Cul-de-sac Crew is concerned, she’s the cool kid on the block—the one by whom everyone wants to be liked. Hell, we all want Ellie to like us. Played by Christa Moore.
7. Dan Stark (The Good Guys) With all due respect to Josh Lyman, Dan Stark was the role Bradley Whitford was born to play. With a mustache second only to last year’s honoree Ron Swanson, Dan is a washed-up, libidinous joke of a detective who only stumbles into the the answers. But that never hurts his swag. Played by Bradley Whitford.
8. Holly Holliday (Glee) She may have only been on the show for one episode, but that’s all I needed to fall in love with this goofy, impulsive, hip substitute teacher. Between the Cee Lo singing, the Lindsay Lohan opining, and the Mary Todd Lincoln impersonating, Holly brought new levels of fun to the humdrum Lima High. Played by Gwyneth Paltrow.
9. Holly Flax (The Office) Her reappearance this year was fleeting, but she brings new life to the The Office whenever she shows up in Scranton. Whereas Michael’s other leading ladies only tolerated his goofiness, Holly matches it. When the jokes end, though, the reality of their former relationship and ensuing tension shine through. Still, if Michael is truly driving his Sebring into the sunset at the end of this season, I’m hoping Holly is riding shotgun. Played by Amy Ryan.
10. Gustavo Fring (Breaking Bad) Owner of the Los Pollos Hermanos fast-food chain by day, drug kingpin—well—also by day. Not only did he confront and subdue the Mexican cartel, but he also wrangled Walt into producing blue meth in bulk. And his emotionlessness and unflappability only make him even more intimidating. Played by Giancarlo Esposito.
11. Ria Torres (Lie to Me) Some characters don’t need a firearm or a killer right hook to be a badass. Ria will outwit or at least out-glare the guy across the interrogation table until he’s spilling the truth. What she lacks in training she more than makes up for in street smarts, improvisation, and spot-on instincts. Played by Monica Raymund.
12. Sarah Braverman (Parenthood) It’d be difficult to dislike any of the Braverman clan, but Sarah is especially endearing because of her self-deprecating motormouth and social inelegance. (How Gilmorean.) Her lot in life could be pitiable, but she’s a trouper—and good things come to her eventually. Played by Lauren Graham.
13. Zoe Graystone (Caprica) Zoe is a tough character to crack. Basically, the original Zoe died in a terrorist attack, but her soul lived on through her online avatar and was downloaded into a Cylon robot by her father. Boom. Three iterations of the same character, all different yet all variations on a theme. And the remaining Zoes are not particularly happy to live on in their current forms. Played by Alessandra Torresani.
14. Burt Hummel (Glee) To say he’s a supporting character is an understatement. He could not be more protective of his gay son Kurt, even if he’s still trying to find common ground with him. And not only is this journey of his interesting to watch, it serves as a road map for other parents of other Kurts out there. Played by Mike O’Malley.
15. Russell Edgington (True Blood) The millennia-old vampire king of Mississippi was the latest villain on True Blood, but he’s so maniacal, gaudy, and flamboyant that you almost wanted him to overstay his welcome if only for more ridiculousness. Played by Denis O’Hare.

For those of you wondering where the latest installment of my Lost re-watch is, don’t fret. I’ve decided to take a two week hiatus after every two seasons just to publish a few other non-Lost stories for the non-Lost fans. (Blog post variety is the spice of life.) And here it is Emmy time again! As I said last year, I’m not predicting the winners here, mind you, but stating for whom I’m rooting. I haven’t seen all of the nominated shows and performances, but from what I have seen, here are my picks for some of the top categories.

Outstanding Drama Series
Lost

I know, this post was supposed to be non-Lost, right? But this show should be commended for providing a powerful and daring end to the Island saga—and one that was incredibly satisfying emotionally (if not mythologically). And as far as cultural touchstones for the decade go, Lost tops this particular list of nominees.

Outstanding Comedy Series
Modern Family

Based on the per-episode number of laughs-out-loud, this show takes the cake. If there were a category for comedic drama (or dramatic comedy, rather), then I’d give that award to Glee.

Outstanding Lead Actor – Drama Series
Matthew Fox (Lost)

His performance in the last hour of Lost alone merits this award, I think. Re-watching the show, I’m struck by how good of an actor he is in all scenarios. If he ever missteps, I certainly never notice.

Outstanding Lead Actress – Drama Series
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)

The show itself is a fascinating look into one person’s struggle to forgive and another’s struggle earn forgiveness. And Margulies—playing the former—is the anti-scenery chewer: she’s all internal, and yet we can somehow sense and understand every emotion.

Outstanding Lead Actor – Comedy Series
Matthew Morrison (Glee)

I half-hope Larry David wins, but Morrison’s combination of humor, emotion, singing abilities, dance movies, and—yes—hair gel is entirely far too winning to ignore.

Outstanding Lead Actress – Comedy Series
Amy Poehler (Parks & Recreation)

It’s a crime that the show as a whole wasn’t nominated, but I think a win for the much-deserving Poehler would adequately reward Parks and Recreation‘s second-season reinvention into a show that is equal to (if not superior to) its predecessor, The Office.

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Drama Series
Michael Emerson (Lost)

Again, I gotta stick by my love for Lost on this one. Emerson is an awe-inspiring actor, and somehow he and the writers transformed Ben from the show’s greatest villain to a tragic soul desperate for redemption who actually becomes likable as a person by the end.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Drama Series
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)

I’d be happy if any of the actresses nominated in this category won, but I think Moss showed the most range this past season. Peggy is coming into her own as a near-equal to the agency’s partners, yet Moss still plays her with the perfect amount of dorkiness and vulnerability.

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Comedy Series
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)

It’s so hard to choose between the three Modern Family actors nominated, but I think you’d be hard-pressed to find any fan of the show who doesn’t list Cam among his or her favorite characters.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Comedy Series
Jane Lynch (Glee)

No question. Sue Sylvester is the bitchiest, most fiendish, and most quotable characters to grace the small screen in years. Good on ya, Jane Lynch.

Outstanding Reality Competition Program
The Amazing Race

I know this show has won so many times before, but it’s just so thrilling, amusing, and even educational at times. I mean, who doesn’t want to compete on this show?

]]> http://primetimely.com/2010/08/2010-emmys-my-winners/feed/ 1 http://primetimely.com/2010/02/2010pilot-watch/ http://primetimely.com/2010/02/2010pilot-watch/#comments Tue, 23 Feb 2010 00:53:56 +0000 Dan Clarendon http://primetimely.com/?p=389

‘Tis the season for development, and Lynette Rice at EW.com has released a list of the pilots the broadcast networks are considering. (Bear in mind that only a fraction of these shows will make it to the airwaves.) After perusing the list, I’ve reached the following conclusions:

• The public’s desire for shows about cops, doctors, and lawyers is still insatiable. By my count, 25 of the pilots are about these three professions. But some of these procedurals might be worth watching because of the attached talent: Forest Whitaker is heading up CBS’s Criminal Minds spin-off, NBC is pursuing Julianne Moore for their adaptation of BBC’s Prime Suspect, and Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica, 24) will star in a yet-to-be-titled detective series.
• Multi-camera comedies are coming in droves. If the term “multi-camera” doesn’t ring a bell, it refers to the traditional type of sitcom with live (or implied) audiences, three-sided sets, and cue cards. Seinfeld is a multi-camera comedy, whereas 30 Rock is a single-camera one. After the critical success of 30 Rock, there was high demand for single-camera comedies, but now it looks like the trend is reversing, probably because multi-camera ones are cheaper to produce. The multis on the development slate outnumber the singles 21 to 12. This disappoints me. I have a knee-jerk disgust to the very word “multi-camera.” I don’t like for the canned laughter, the fake-looking sets, the bland lighting, and—often times—the type of comedy itself. I know good work is being done on sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory, but I just haven’t been able to get into them. I’m not even making much headway on Seinfeld.
• The remake fever might not be a the pitch it was a couple of seasons ago, but we still have a few. CBS is updating Hawaii Five-O with Lost’s Daniel Dae Kim and Moonlight’s Alex O’Loughlin. NBC is taking another stab at The Rockford Files, this time under the direction of David Shore (House). And, interestingly, the CW is producing Nikita, an adaptation of La Femme Nikita.
• Spies and the CIA are once again in vogue. Now this is a trend I can get behind, mainly due to my undying love for Alias. All of the espionage series on the slate sound intriguing. CBS’s Chaos has Freddy Rodriguez heading up a “ragtag group of CIA operatives ensnared by backstabbing and bureaucratic snafus.” Fox’s The Station is a single-camera (huzzah!) comedy focusing on a “covert CIA operative and his work buddies embedded in South America.” Even the CW is getting in on the action with Nomads, a drama about “free-spirited” backpackers who carry out CIA missions around the world. But the pilot that I’m most excited about bar none is Undercovers, an NBC drama about married spies who pulled back into service. Why am I pumped? It’s created by my hero, god-among-men J.J. Abrams.
• Remember the 2005-2006 season when everyone wanted a piece of delicious Lost pie? Now everyone seemingly wants to replicate the critical and commercial success of Modern Family. ABC’s It Takes a Village and NBC’s Perfect Couples and Love Bites are all about various couples and their various intersections and intertwinings. I’m thanking God that Love Bites isn’t the name of another vampire series.
• I kind of miss the Lost knock-off trend, though. I want more heavily-serialized stuff, like this season’s intriguingV and FlashForward. There’s only one enigmatic-sounding pilot on the list, NBC’s The Event, a “thriller about a regular Joe caught up in a large conspiracy.”
• We may have dodged a bullet on Love Bites, but terrible names abound elsewhere. Some names are yawningly on-the-nose (Friends with Benefits), some are pun-ishing (Strange Brew—a brewery comedy), some have unfortunate connotations (The Wyoming Project, which brings to mind The Laramie Project), and some are just bizarre (Edgar Floats—a type of inner tube or a soda-fountain treat?). The worst one, however, is The Quinn-Tuplets. Naming characters to serve a pun in the title is a practice that needs to end. I’m still not convinced that Meredith Grey was so-named before the show was christened Grey’s Anatomy.
• Shonda Rhimes’ new show Off the Map is, once again, about doctors (presumably) in love. Okay, Shonda, you have a formula that works—I understand. But what’s neato about this ABC pilot is that it’s being filmed in Puerto Rico. As much as I love Los Angeles, New York City, and Vancouver (woohoo!), I appreciate when a show is filmed in the actual place (like Breaking Bad, which is filmed in New Mexico) or a reasonable stand-in (like Lost and Hawaii).
• There are two dramas about superheroes, NBC’s The Cape and ABC’s No Ordinary Family, the latter of which marks the small-screen return of The Shield’s Michael Chiklis.
• The rotten banana of the bunch seems to be Chuck Lorre’s latest sitcom for CBS, Mike and Molly, about “a couple that overeats.” If that right there is the punchline for the whole show, it sounds abysmally bad. As much as Eddie Murphy might disagree with me, obesity isn’t that funny, especially in today’s America.
• But on the other end of spectrum are pilots that seem quite promising. Reno 911! creators and Night at the Museum scribes Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant are producing a sitcom for NBC about a ex-child star who opens a bar in Vegas. ABC has a drama pilot in the works called Matadors, which centers on two feuding Chicago families and stars David Strathairn (of Good Night, and Good Luck fame). And the Alphabet Network is also developing a comedy called Mr. Sunshine starring Matthew Perry as a “self-absorbed manager of a sport arena” and co-starring Allison Janney. (Both of those stars previously guest-starred on each other’s Aaron Sorkin show, Perry on Janney’s The West Wing, and Janney or Perry’s Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.)

Of course, everything is subject to change before May, when the networks present the shows that survive this phase to the advertisers at their “upfront” events. That’s when all this speculation will end, and hopefully by then the wheat will be separated from the (ahem, Mike and Molly) chaff.

1. Breaking Bad
2. Mad Men
3. Lost
4. Battlestar Galactica
5. 30 Rock
6. True Blood
7. Modern Family
8. Fringe
9. Glee
10. Dollhouse

Aloha, dear TV junkies.  I may be on vacation, but thanks to some coffeshop wi-fi, I’m still able to update this here blog with cinnamon-bun-sticky fingers.  Surely you didn’t think I’d forgotten about honoring the best small-screen moments of 2009!  Listed below are my favorite episodes across the airwaves from all of last year.  Is the list comprehensive?  Maybe not.  Does the order tend to be arbitrary?  Perhaps.  But still, I believe this to be a pretty good representation of 2009′s highlights.  Writers and directors of the below episodes, I raise my iced-coffee cup to you.

1. Battlestar Galactica “Daybreak, Part 2″  No matter if you loved the end or hated it, the final two hours of this show boldly went where no show has gone before. A catastrophic first hour was followed by a contemplative second. The epic space saga went out with a bang and then a whisper.
2. Mad Men “Shut the Door, Have a Seat”  After an intense season of smoldering interpersonal drama, this episode was one of the most light-hearted and cathartic. In the vaguest terms I can use, Don closed some doors and opened others. He reinvented himself, and the show was reborn anew.
3. Breaking Bad “Phoenix”  Often the penultimate episode of a season is just as climactic as the finale, as proven by Breaking Bad. Without spoiling anything, it was Walter White’s inaction during a gut-wrenching dilemma that made this episode so powerful.
4. Glee “Sectionals”  Between Mercedes’s powerful “And I Am Telling You” rendition, Rachel’s “Don’t Rain on My Parade” showstopper, and the club’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” dedication, the musical numbers in this fall finale were brilliant enough to tide us over until the show’s return in spring.
5. 30 Rock “Apollo, Apollo”  It’s hard to top Jack Donaghy’s excitement-puking and Kenneth’s Muppet-vision, but what made this episode the best of its season was the Polish singles’ line commercial that a young Liz Lemon debased herself by appearing in. Remember, just call 1-800-OKFACE.
6. Dollhouse “Omega”  After the startling return of rogue-doll Alpha at the end of the preceding episode, this episode shows the making (read: programming) of a maniac. The Dollhouse made its bed, and now it might have to die in it!
7. Breaking Bad “Negro y Azul”  Any episode that starts with a mariachi band and ends with an exploding turtle surely deserves a spot high on this list.
8. Lost “Dead is Dead”  It’s Judgment Day for the conniving Benjamin Linus as “the Island” takes him on a painful trip down memory lane. By the end, his relinquishing of power leaves him impotent… and dangerously desperate.
9. Glee “Pilot”  FOX was so excited about this episode, the network aired it four months before the series even started. With the well-crafted song-and-dance numbers, the satirical commentary on the high school food chain, and the hilarious immaturity of the show’s adult characters, I could not stop believing that Glee would be a hit.
10. Grey’s Anatomy “Here’s to Future Days/Now or Never”  This show may be showing its age, but watching the end of this fifth-season finale was tantamount to mainlining adrenaline when the identity of the heroic (and doomed) John Doe was realized.
11. Californication “The Apartment”  A day of reckoning comes for Hank Moody when all the major players in his life coincidentally convene under one roof. In true farce-like fashion, he scrambles to accommodate his girlfriend, his mistresses, his mistress’s husband, his daughter, his best friend, a few random prostitutes, and Rick Springfield, all the while trying to keep his indiscretions under wraps.
12. Modern Family “Pilot”  The premise is simplistic—the daily travails of three families that are “nuclear” for the new millennium—but the writing and acting is refined. Oh, and the show happens to be hilarious. With this episode alone, this show skyrocketed to the elite of half-hour comedies.
13. So You Think You Can Dance “Top 20 Showcase”  This was an episode without missteps—just the top twenty competitors dancing in their own genres, resulting in routines that were almost unmatched by the rest of the season. (Almost.) What was otherwise a filler episode turned into the best hour of the season.
14. Fringe “There’s More Than One of Everything”  John Noble’s most impressive acting came when his character revisited the memories of a beach house with his son. And the alternate-reality story thread tangles as Olivia finds herself in the most improbable of locations in the ballsy cliffhanger.
15. Lost “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham”  At last, we discover how He Who Shall Be Named Jeremy Bentham died. Frustrated by his failure to get the gang back together and feeling spurned by destiny, he decides to take his own life. But his real cause of death, which we find out minutes later, is even darker.
16. Parks and Recreation “Beauty Pageant”  One of the first episodes of the season, this installment solidified Parks and Recreation’s status as suddenly brilliant. Example Leslie Knope line: “This [mural] depicts a famous fight between Reverend Bradley and Anna Beth Stevenson, widowed mother of seven. The original title of this was ‘A Lively Fisting.’ But, you know, they had to change it… for obvious reasons.”
17. Damages “Trust Me”  Flash-forwards as a narrative technique are a hot ticket right now, but Damages uses them in a brilliantly manipulative way, revealing a little more of certain scenes in each episode. And in “Trust Me,” all the cards are laid out in this punch-out ending to a gripping season.
18. True Blood “I Will Rise Up”  It started with an act of terrorism perpetrated by humans and ended with an act of tenderness by a human—Sookie Stackhouse—surprising the millennia-old Godric, who had seen the worst of our race’s behavior in his lifetime. Plus, this episode featured another dialogue gem from Lafayette: “I don’t know what you is, but I’m feelin’ you, and you a soulless bitch.”
19. Top Chef “Finale, Part 1″  No matter what you thought of this season’s winner (or even the order of the runners-up), all Top Chef viewers could agree that Keven, Jennifer, and the Voltaggios were the four best contenstants. And to see them duke it out in Napa Valley (aboard a moving train, no less) was a treat.
20. Lie to Me “The Core of It”  Like Parks and Recreation, this procedural drama also came back from its hiatus creatively reinvigorated. In this episode, Cal Lightman and his group have to contend with a murder witness with multiple personalities. Not only do they have to figure out which of her multiple personalities saw the crime, but they also have to find a way to trigger that personality. Guest star Erika Christiansen is scary-good as Sophie/Trisha/Jessie/RJ.

Because it’s the end of the year (and of the decade), every TV critic is releasing best-of lists. And I am no exception, though small-potatoes I may be. Ergo I announce the First Annual Primie Awards! And the first category honors the 15 characters whom I appreciate most, in descending order of awesomeness. Frankly, the shows below would just be suckier without them!

1. Sue Sylvester (Glee) When Sue swaggers onscreen in one of her splashy tracksuits, you know that she’s say something both wildly inappropriate and gut-bustingly funny. The malicious comments she deploys in her jihad against McKinley High’s glee club almost makes you root for her. Played by Jane Lynch.
2. Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation) The reluctant supervisor of Pawnee’s parks department had a breakout season that had him facing off with his domineering ex, presiding over the breakfast buffet at a strip club, enjoying a shoe-shining a bit too much, and having his scalp leaded with buckshot. Played by Nick Offerman.
3. Walter Bishop (Fringe) Last season, we saw the charming kookiness behind Walter’s mad-scientist-ness.  Now we’re seeing the vulnerability behind that charming kookiness. What layer will be unearthed next? Played by John Noble.
4. Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica) Love her or hate her, you have to acknowledge that Starbuck’s so-called destiny directly influenced the fate of humankind… in a way that’s very open to interpretation. Played by Katee Sackhoff.
5. Manny Delgado (Modern Family) One of the youngest and yet most mature members of the Pritchett clan, Manny is wise beyond his years—and quite the fencer, too. Played by Rico Rodriguez.
6. Benjamin Linus (Lost) In a show that specializes in shades of gray, it’s no surprise that Ben isn’t relentlessly villainous. We’ve seen glimpses of his humanity. But just before we start to like him, he does something like staging a character’s suicide—and we’re reminded of how much we hate him (and love to hate him). Played by Michael Emerson.
7. Arizona Robbins (Grey’s Anatomy) She’s often viewed as the happy-go-lucky pediatrics doc, but between her anguish over little Wallace and her blurting out “I love you” to Callie in the episode “Invest in Love,” she won me over. Played by Jessica Capshaw.
8. Troy/Abed (Community) Some of the funniest moments of Community came in the final minute of each episode when the credits were rolling—an end tag that became the Troy and Abed Show after the hilarious Spanish 101 rap (a.k.a. “La Biblioteca”). Community has been uneven so far, but Troy and Abed represent reliable comedy. Comedy you can believe in! Played by Danny Pudi and Donald Glover, respectively.
9. Saul Tigh (Battlestar Galactica) For reasons too spoilery to reveal here, ole One Eye Tigh had some of the most tumultuous internal conflict in Battlestar’s final season. Let’s just say that he found himself intimately associated with those who were once his enemies. Played by Michael Hogan.
10. Jenna Maroney (30 Rock) Ditzy fame-whore Jenna is everything that Liz Lemon isn’t, but just as much of a dysfunctional human. Her constant oversharing gives us mere glimpses into her bizarre life. (For example: “The reason I speak with a slight English inflection in my voice is because I lost my virginity to the My Fair Lady soundtrack.”) Played by Jane Krakowski.
11. Lester Patel (Chuck) Lester went from neurotic tech nerd to neurotic tech nerd and rock star with the debut of cover band Jeffster, performing awesomely bad versions of 80s classics like “Africa” and “Mr. Roboto.” True, Lester is only one half of Jeffster, but his bandmate Jeff is just too out-there for this list! Played by Vik Sahay.
12. Victor (Dollhouse) Besides a few face slashes here or there, Victor is the doll with the most fun: his “imprints” involve bedding boss Adelle DeWitt, acting like an exact clone of tech-whiz Topher, or channeling his inner sorority girl. And hey, those cuts healed remarkably fast, didn’t they? Played by Enver Gjokaj.
13. Hoyt Fortenberry (True Blood) As one of the only truly good residents of Bon Temps, Hoyt became more than just a background player this season when he fell in love with newly-vampirized Jessica, much to the dismay of his oppressively devout mother. His evolution from (momma’s) boy to man was great to see. Played by Jim Parrack.
14. Walter White, Jr. (Breaking Bad) His relationship with his emotionally-elusive dad is tenuous, but Junior still went to incredible (and touching) lengths last season to raise money for Senior’s cancer care. Played by R.J. Mitte.
15. Anna (V) Leader of the Visitors, Anna is alternately calculating, eloquent, manipulative, and alluring. A wolf in sheep’s (well-tailored) clothing. Played by Morena Baccarin.

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2′s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.

Here’s this week’s batch of freshly-baked television news:

• Two big names will “sho” up on Showtime: Laura Linney will star in The C Word, a half-hour comedy series about a woman who turns her life around following a cancer diagnosis; and William H. Macy will star in Shameless, a comedic drama about a drink-swilling father of six (based on a BBC hit).
• In a classless move by NBC, the Glee cast is no longer invited to perform at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Jumpsuits will surely be worn at the festivities, but apparently none by Sue Sylvester.
• No sooner did I finish singing the praises of Kater Gordon, the Mad Men writer who went from writing assistant to Emmy winner in no time, than she was let go from the show’s writing staff. As they say in fashion…
• Lest you thought your eyes deceived you, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane did appear as an FBI agent in the premiere of FlashForward. And apparently, he’ll be back on occasion. I only hope I get to guest-star on shows when I’m a successful TV writer!
• NBC has ordered its upcoming post-apocalyptic show Day One to be converted from a 13-episode season to a two-night, four-hour miniseries. And the prospect of further seasons depends on the ratings. This may sound like bad news, but as i09 points out, that formula worked for Battlestar Galactica. And creator Jesse Alexander (Heroes) is pumped, saying, “Airing four hours over two nights is much more exciting to me than rolling out just one hour per week… I didn’t want to suffer the same fate as many first year shows and be moved to another time slot mid story, or worse, not be able to air the final episodes.”
• Though CBS wasn’t too enthusiastic about the negotiator-drama Flashpoint around the time of the TCA Press Tour, the network has decided to bring the Canadian co-production to American screens for another 13-episode run later this season.
• In more good news, some of the season’s most promising shows, Glee, FlashForward, and Modern Family have all earned full-season pick-ups from their respective networks.
• Lauren Graham (of Gilmore Girls fame) has won the role vacated by Maura Tierney on NBC’s upcoming Parenthood, filling the role that Helen Hunt was considering.
• Linda Holmes of NPR’s Monkey See blog has an insightful post about how NBC’s decision to give up the 10 PM slot for The Jay Leno Show represents the network’s exasperation with all things dramatic.
• Michael Ausiello reports that the third season of Chuck may premiere within a matter of weeks instead of next March. He also says that NBC insiders are calling it the best season yet. (And I’ve just realized that half this post has been about NBC!)
• And finally, a Massachusetts farmer is so enamored with Family Guy, he created a corn maze incorporating Stewie and Brian, pictured here. I hope he does something related to NBC next. Perhaps the letters NBC.

I can’t even fit all the news that’s fit to print into one blog post, but here are some of this week’s most interesting tidbits:

• Some of the shows that premiered this week got impressive ratings. FlashForward scared up 12.41 million viewers. (I realize now that there’s no space in that title. The world’s in crisis and people are blacking out—there’s no time for spaces, folks.) Modern Family welcomed 12.74 million. And The Good Wife attracted 13.72 million watching. I didn’t preview that show, but it seems promising so long as it keeps up the scorned-political-spouse angle and doesn’t become an average law drama.
• Just to make the wait for Season 3 of Damages (set to start in January) that much more excruciating, Jace at Televisionary tells us that Martin Short and Lily Tomlin have joined the cast. The addition of two comedians to the cast might seem peculiar, but let’s not forget what a villain Ted Danson’s Arthur Frobisher is/was on that show.
• In other casting news, Helen Hunt is “in talks” to replace Maura Tierney in Parenthood, NBC’s drama based on the Steve Martin movie. Tierney unfortunately had to give up the part to focus on health concerns. (But it’s good to hear from Helen Hunt again, eh?) And elsewhere, Oscar darling Sissy Spacek will join Big Love for a multi-episode arc next season.
• For those of you like my friend who are dying for the character of William Bell (and the actor who portrays him) to return to Fringe, the TV Addict reports that we’ll be seeing him again on October 8.
• Speaking of Fringe, the title for this week’s episode, “Night of Desirable Objects,” sounds less like a type of fishing lure and more like a back-room VHS tape. Hey-o!
• Most of the music from Glee is available on iTunes, and the tracks for each episode are actually posted before the episode airs. My roommates and I are conspiring to start our own Milli-Vanilli-fake glee club here at college, lip-synching to the tracks and then claiming it’s just a coincidence when the same songs are broadcast each Wednesday night. (“Hey, great minds think alike! Good for them!”)
• Speaking of Glee, this week’s episode was perhaps the best yet—both hilarious and heartwarming. The sight of guys in sequined unitards dancing to Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” could be disturbing. (I’m talking about you, Joe Jonas.) But in this case, it was pretty uproarious, especially when a whole football team gets involved.
• Frustrated that you can’t join in the Mad Men talk around the watercooler? AMC is here to save the day. Pour yourself a little afternoon whiskey and watch a five-minute clip of “The Story So Far.”
• Speaking of Mad Men, the latest episode had perhaps the most climactic and horrific moment of the series and perhaps the watercooler moment of the week. Gird your stomach and check it out. Of course, the Sterling Cooper workers leave no incident uncommented-on, and they had plenty of wordplay fun at the poor sap’s expense.
• The CW’s model drama The Beautiful Life has met its not-so-beautiful death, becoming the first casualty of the season after only two episodes on the air.
• Speaking of cancellations, A&E has nixed The Cleaner after two seasons. That came as a bit of a surprise, but I guess its ratings must not have been so hot. I hope A&E gets back into the drama game soon.
• If CSI: Miami had any credibility left, it lost it when it used a picture of Tampa in its promotional material. (Hey there, Tampa! Looking good, gal.)
• Conan O’Brien hit his head on the set of The Tonight Show yesterday and had to be taken to the hospital. As a fellow giant, I can sympathize with the occasional noggin bump. But O’Brien, the consummate comedian, had a joke at the ready: “Last thing I remember I was enjoying the play with Mrs. Lincoln, and the next thing I knew I was in bed being served cookies and juice.”
• And finally, break out the Dharma cake: this week marked the five-year anniversary of Lost‘s series premiere. How time flies. (Hint: not on Oceanic 815. Ba-da-boom!)

• As if I weren’t already excited about ABC’s new comedy Modern Family (previously previewed on this here blog), here comes the news that bona fide movie stars Elizabeth Banks and Edward Norton will guest-star in multiple episodes. Banks was on Scrubs, but Norton does television? What the what?
• Unfortunately, American Idol has more staying power now that Ellen DeGeneres is permanently filling the judge’s chair left vacant by Paula Abdul. But she’s one of my favorite comedians, so I won’t hold it against her too much.
• LeVar Burton was the subject of a recent NPR interview in which he talked about his roles on Star Trek: The Next Generation and Reading Rainbow (the latter of which came to an abrupt end two weeks ago). A lot of listeners called and emailed in to express their appreciation for Rainbow, and their words spoke volumes about the cultural impact the show had over its 26 years.
• How brilliant is this “Snakes on a Plane” ad campaign for House? And how brilliant is it that it’s the brainchild of Hugh Laurie himself?
• And finally, a Norwegian bus driver has legally changed his name to—get ready for it—Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankova. (And that wookiee rookie spelling error is his doing, not mine.) If he ever bears children, might I suggest that he name them Bond, Buffy, Bilbo, and Bauer?

2009-2010 New Series Preview, Part 3

ABC has four new comedies in the pipeline, and three of them have unfortunately unfunny previews: Hank, The Middle, and Cougar Town. If producers do put all the best bits in the previews, well… the outlook for those shows is bleak. But the fourth, Modern Family, looks to be riotous, and it has been earning acclaim from television critics more reputable than I. (You know, the ones who don’t have to rely on previews to pass judgment!)

Modern Family follows three couples (and their progeny) in an Office-like mockumentary way: a couple raising three children, a newlywed couple with a May-December age gap, and a gay couple with an adopted daughter. And, in a hitherto secret twist, all the couples are related.

Many shows of this ilk require a few episodes for the viewers to really understand the characters and thus understand the humor, but this one seems to deliver right out of the gate. I won’t spoil any of the jokes here, but check out the preview below if you are still unconvinced.  Modern Family premieres Wednesday, September 23 at 9/8c.