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The Great TV Show Title Jumble

By on Sep 17, 2013 in Inanities | 0 comments

Today in Hypothetical Alternate Realities: What would happen if two totally different shows exchanged words in their titles? Behold. Drag Notice — HR representatives are replaced by drag queens, who then put delinquent employees on notice. “Gurl, you betta werk!” RuPaul’s Burn Race — RuPaul trades her loving “shade” for appallingly cruel barbs (punctuated, of course, by her trademark cackle). Pretty Little Anarchy — Four teenage fashionistas live to regret having overthrown the government of Rosewood. Sons of Liars — Four grown sons of formerly-teenage fashionistas form a motorcycle gang… and dish about small-town secrets over nonfat lattes. The Good Stars — An inventory of all the celebrities in Hollywood who haven’t been arrested for DUI, become a Scientologist, flashed their nether regions, or made anti-Semitic remarks. Dancing with the Wife —...

Cancellations, Renewals, and Resurrections

By on May 22, 2012 in In Production | 0 comments

Along with all the hoopla about the broadcast networks’ new shows, upfront season is also the day of reckoning for their existing lineups.  And this month’s renewal and cancellation news has been nothing if not surprising.  Here are my thoughts. The vultures were already circling when Cougar Town returned to ABC in February to even worse ratings than before, but then—huzzah!—TBS announced that it would be rescuing the show.  First Conan, now Cougar?  Dammit, TBS, I could kiss you all over the face right now. And speaking of criminally-underappreciated comedies, FOX’s Raising Hope and NBC’s Community were granted renewals.  And I’m not worried at all that Community is moving to Friday nights—its small, diehard fanbase will move right along with it. Though I only saw one episode of Once Upon a Time once upon a time, I’m so pleased that a non-procedural...

The Blog Post Where Plot Twists Go to Die

By on Mar 21, 2012 in Inanities | 0 comments

Or, Everything That’s Ever Been Spoiled For Me Try as hard as I might, there’s no escaping spoilers in my role as (amateur) TV critic. As I’ve said before, I’m incapable keeping up with all the worthwhile, buzz-worthy, quality TV on the air today. And while most blogs and publications are good about preceding spoilers with warnings and burying plot reveals in the body of an article instead of leading with them, others are not so conscientious. And even with the diligent outlets, there is a statute of limitations with spoilers—at a certain point, after an arbitrary amount of time has passed, it has to be allowable to rehash and discuss major plot points without recrimination. So I don’t always blame the spoil-er for the spoiling; I just regret that it happened (unless I just don’t care). At the risk of paying the sin forward, here are all the twists...

Shit My Boyfriend Says

By on Feb 1, 2012 in Inanities | 0 comments

or, A Television-Related Word Association Experiment With the Love of My Life Here’s a list of every current show I watch, and my boyfriend’s instant reaction to each. 30 Rock “Oh, Tina Fey…” (smiles) American Horror Story “Thrills me.” Boardwalk Empire “Costumes…” Breaking Bad “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t know.  Come back to me with that one.” Burn Notice “Never saw it… oh, but that guy is hot.” Californication “Gah… can’t get into it… but I want to.” Community “Growing on me.” Cougar Town “Stupid.” Covert Affairs “Oh, Piper Peek-a-boo.  That’s what my dad calls her… looks pretty stupid, though.  It looks like a dumbed-down Alias, if Alias could be any dumber.” Curb Your Enthusiasm “I hate...

New Show Haiku

By on Dec 6, 2011 in Inanities | 0 comments

Like every other reputable TV critic, I’ve seen absolutely none of this season’s crop of new shows, except for the first episode and a half of New Girl. (Cut a guy some slack; we’ve been trying to slash Dexter from my to-watch list.) So since there’s no time like the holidays for frivolity, let me recklessly and unfairly pass judgment on all the broadcast network’s new scripted offerings… in haiku form! Bonus: Watch as my poetic form deteriorates toward the end of the post! Charlie’s Angels Lame reboot; no buzz Not even Minka Kelley could save these Angels Pan Am Flight attendant? Hah! You call her “stewardess” Or just say “Ricci.” How To Be a Gentleman In laugh-less sitcom, One guy is Johnny Drama, Other’s just up-tight Allen Gregory I’m not sure what makes This Jonah-Hill-voiced kid Diff’rent than...