Or, Everything That’s Ever Been Spoiled For Me

Try as hard as I might, there’s no escaping spoilers in my role as (amateur) TV critic. As I’ve said before, I’m incapable keeping up with all the worthwhile, buzz-worthy, quality TV on the air today. And while most blogs and publications are good about preceding spoilers with warnings and burying plot reveals in the body of an article instead of leading with them, others are not so conscientious. And even with the diligent outlets, there is a statute of limitations with spoilers—at a certain point, after an arbitrary amount of time has passed, it has to be allowable to rehash and discuss major plot points without recrimination. So I don’t always blame the spoil-er for the spoiling; I just regret that it happened (unless I just don’t care).

At the risk of paying the sin forward, here are all the twists that have been ruined for me—only posted for the amusement of curious readers! For those of you who are reading this on my blog, I’ve redacted the spoiler so that you have to highlight it to read it. For those of you who are reading this on an RSS feed, you might be S.O.L. This is a veritable minefield of killjoy spoilerage, so proceed with caution. And have fun!

• The Walking Dead: I knew that there was a substantial plot twist recently and that actor Jon Bernthal has been making press circuits, so I had my suspicions—and I’ve since found out that, yes, Shane dies.
• Dexter: To the dismay of my boyfriend, who got me into the show, I had long since read that the Trinity Killer killed Dexter’s wife Rita.
• Game of Thrones: I forget how I read it, but I knew that whatever character Sean Bean plays is beheaded even before HBO the sensationalistic (and, might I add, clever) promotional poster that depicts his head on a pike.
• Desperate Housewives: Thanks to a full-page article in Entertainment Weekly and a clip that ran on one of the morning shows, I now know that Mike Delfino dies. (Interestingly, many other TV fans were spoiled when the plot twist was referenced in the Nicollette Sheridan trial days before the episode aired.) I’m not devastated about it; I’ve been dragging my heels on watching my Housewives backlog anyway.
• Battlestar Galactica: Dammit, TV Guide. Here I was innocently leafing through their BSG issue when, all of a sudden, I came across a picture of four of the final five Cylons (and I’m not saying who here because I’m still hoping to get my boyfriend into the show).
• The Amazing Race: Every season, I inevitably fall behind on this competition show, and more often than not, I hear about who won the big shebang.
• Grey’s Anatomy: I’m pretty sure I knew that Denny died before I caught up with the seasons I’d missed on Netflix. And now that I’m covering the show for Wetpaint, I’m privy to a lot of spoilers. I was allowed to watch one screener this season which had a disclaimer asking critics not to reveal “what happens to Henry” in that episode. Gee, can you guess?
• Once Upon a Time: I found out that the sheriff died, breaking the heart of the Jennifer Morrison character, but I don’t feel too upset about it because a) I’ve only watched one episode, and b) I hear that death isn’t permanent on that show anyway.
• Gossip Girl: I knew that Dan and Blair became romantic while I was still boycotting the show. And now that I’ve seen it happen, I don’t hate the idea!
• Parenthood: A thumbnail on Hulu gave away the fact that not only did Jasmine forgive Crosby, but they got married, too.
• So You Think You Can Dance: My boyfriend and I heard who had won the latest season (Melanie, was it?) as we were still watching the first few episodes. It didn’t really matter, though, because the season was so uninspiring that we didn’t even finish watching it.
• Six Feet Under: I know that the Peter Krause character (Nate?) has some sort of stroke which makes him start saying nonsensical words right before he dies.
• The West Wing: I think I remember that the Jimmy Smits character wins the election, replacing Jed Bartlet as president. I also know that Leo dies by virtue of the sad fact that the actor, John Spencer, passed away in the midst of the series.
• The X-Files: I knew that Mulder was abducted because I remembered seeing him practically flayed by alien technology in a FOX promo years before I watched it.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I know that Buffy’s mom dies. And maybe the Alyson Hannigan character, too?
• The Wire: The kid played by Tristan Wilds shoots some girl in a car…? Is that right? And also, does Omar die?
• Friday Night Lights: One of the teens commits murder? Maybe?
• Alias: I’m pretty sure I Googled out spoilers (but I don’t remember which) back in the days before I wanted to stay pure.
• Lost: Actually, no! I’m adding this to the list because I think I actively dodged spoilers pretty effectively. Take that!

or, A Television-Related Word Association Experiment With the Love of My Life

Here’s a list of every current show I watch, and my boyfriend’s instant reaction to each.

• 30 Rock “Oh, Tina Fey…” (smiles)
• American Horror Story ”Thrills me.”
• Boardwalk Empire “Costumes…”
• Breaking Bad “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t know.  Come back to me with that one.”
• Burn Notice “Never saw it… oh, but that guy is hot.”
• Californication “Gah… can’t get into it… but I want to.”
• Community “Growing on me.”
• Cougar Town “Stupid.”
• Covert Affairs “Oh, Piper Peek-a-boo.  That’s what my dad calls her… looks pretty stupid, though.  It looks like a dumbed-down Alias, if Alias could be any dumber.”
• Curb Your Enthusiasm ”I hate Seinfeld.”
• Damages “I don’t know anything about that show.  What is that show?”
• Desperate Housewives ”Ugh… desperate.”
• Dexter “Love it.  Those cat eyes.”
• Fringe “Ugh… it has that guy from Dawson’s Creek.”
• Glee “Oh, I love Lea Michele.  Oh!  Mercedes!  What’s her name in real life?”
• Gossip Girl “Ed. Westwick. Two words.”
• Grey’s Anatomy (gags ) “Menopause.”
• Justified “I wanna watch that.  It has that guy with the French last name that sounds like ‘elephant.’ E-le-phant.  You should use those French accents.”
• Louie “Say that again?”
• Mad Men (sighs) “Upsets me.”
• Modern Family “Oh my god.  I could watch that all day.”
• Nikita “Oh my god… the CW…”
• Once Upon a Time “I love Ginnifer Goodwin.  Godwin.  Goodwin.”
• Parenthood “I adore that show.”
• Parks and Recreation (smiles admiringly and shrugs)
• Private Practice “Ugh… keep it private.”
• Raising Hope “Babies.”
• Revenge “Oh, that’s the girl I’m gonna see soon in ‘Bros and Hos’ [our nickname for Brothers and Sisters].  Living in the Hamptons is so nice.  Except I hate those people.”
• So You Think You Can Dance “The judges really think they can talk”
• The A-List: New York “Not a list I want to be a part of.  Not ‘a list‘.” (laughs)
• The Buried Life “Oh.  That’s like a bucket list for adult people.  Or, or for kids.  I do want to watch that.”
• The Glee Project ”I really hated those kids.  And I did not like the results.”
• The Good Wife “Always hesitant to start, but I love it by the end.  That Kalinda: she can seduce everyone, and she’s really not that hot.  But she’s cunning.  She’s kind of like an animal actually.  Don’t you think so?  She just kinda fills her animalistic needs.”
• The Office “Ugh… never got into it.  I love Steve Carrell.  And I love that British dude who insults everyone.”
• The Sing-Off  “Nick Lachey is a really dumb host.”
• The Voice ”Oh, we were on that.”
• The Walking Dead “I really don’t like anything that has to do with zombies, except for 28 Days Later.”
• True Blood “Oh my god.  ’Sookie.’  That is also one of the first shows to make a gay person of color a main character, and in a really positive way.  People respect him.”
• Top Chef  “My dream career.  That show tantalizes me.  That shows tantalizes my every vittle.” (laughs)  ”What do you want for dinner tonight?”

It’s often hard to remember all of the television I watch every year, but some episodes make themselves impossible to forget. The following hours or half-hours of television were exemplary in some way, whether it was for the writing or the direction of the episode; for the way they ended seasons or, in some cases, entire series; for their plots or subplots; for the emotional toll they took on the viewer; for the way they broke the mold and parted with tradition; or sometimes for just one scene or performance in particular.

1. Lost “The End” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for providing an unexpected, moving, and controversial finale sure to keep fans talking, dissecting, and criticizing for years to come.
2. Grey’s Anatomy “Sanctuary/Death and All His Friends”
   … for the tensest, most emotionally-draining two hours of television this year.
3. Breaking Bad “Half Measures”
   … for the brutal, game-changing last thirty seconds alone.
4. Mad Men “The Suitcase”
   … for the most finely-written “bottle episode” I’ve ever seen.
5. Lost “The Candidate”
   … for being the first television episode to actually elicit tears.
6. 24 “Day 8: 2:00 PM-3:00 PM/Day 8: 3:00 PM-4:00 PM”
   … for finally letting Jack Bauer run off into the sunset (even if he is doing so under duress) after a tender moment with Chloe
7. Fringe “Over There” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for smashing the two snowglobes—the two universes—together, and in so doing, kick-starting a powerful season to come.
8. The Buried Life “Make a Million Dollars” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for the guys’ dogged persistence and cheerful optimism in the face of their most challenging task yet.
9. Glee “The Substitute”
   … for Gwyneth Paltrow’s bravura performance as the goofy Holly Holliday.
10. Dollhouse “Epitaph Two”
    … for providing an epic, post-apocalyptic finale, while still being a love letter to the fans jilted by the show’s cancellation.
11. Private Practice “Did You Hear What Happened to Charlotte King”
    … for not dwelling on the rape so much as the physical and psychological aftereffects.
12. Breaking Bad “Full Measure”
    … for ending another stellar season with more narrative propulsion than any other third-season finale
13. Modern Family “Family Portrait”
    … for the scene of Mitchell attacking the pigeon in slow-motion to the sound of Cam’s rendition of “Ave Maria.”
14. Mad Men “Public Relations”
    … for showing the chinks in Don’s well-groomed armor that will lead to his season-long descent.
15. Community “Modern Warfare”
    … for making a paintball game into a riotous send-up of action movies and for letting Jeff and Britta act on—and purge—their romantic tension.
16. The Walking Dead “Wildfire”
    … for the horrific aftermath of the zombie incursion on the camp and for the survivors’ foray into the wilds of downtown Atlanta.
17. So You Think You Can Dance “Meet the Top 11″
    … for the humility of Kent Boyd’s impassioned speech and for the jubilation of the finalists and their family upon hearing the good news.
18. Justified “Blind Spot”
    … for Raylan’s chickens coming home to roost in regards to his relationship with Ava, for his intensifying verbal sparring with Boyd, and for the introduction of the Crowder patriarch, Bo.
19. Damages “The Next One’s Going In Your Throat”
    … for efficiently connecting all the dots laid out in the third season in a devastating and thrilling finale.
20. The Good Wife “Hi”
    … for the triumphant scene in which Daniel and Kalinda cleverly win Peter a retrial.

Honorable mentions: Parks and Recreation “Telethon”; The Good Wife “Running”; Modern Family “Fears”; Glee “Grilled Cheesus”; Cougar Town “When the Time Comes”; Fringe “Entrada”; Top Chef “History Never Repeats”; The Office “Andy’s Play”; Lost “LA X”; Breaking Bad “Sunset”; Justified “Bulletville”; Breaking Bad “One Minute”; Grey’s Anatomy “These Arms of Mine”; Modern Family “Strangers on a Treadmill”; Modern Family “Starry Night”; The Buried Life “Get Married in Vegas”; 30 Rock “When It Rains, It Pours”; Glee “Furt”

• Steven Spielberg is in talks with FOX to develop a dinosaur drama! (That sentence begged for an exclamation point.) The project, tentatively titled Terra Nova, would see a family from the future travel to prehistoric times. But obviously, it might be too ambitious a project to produce: think of how hard it’d be to round up all the dinosaur actors in Los Angeles and fly them out to some remote jungle to start filming.
• ABC family renewed Greek for a fourth season, which creator Sean Smith says will be its last, telling Entertainment Weekly, “We’re all looking at this as an opportunity to come back, wrap up the show, and end strong. ABC Family could’ve ended it, but they gave us this opportunity and I don’t want to squander it.”
• A&E is getting back into the drama game with a series called Sugarloaf, in which a framed Chicago detective flees to the titular small town in Florida. The series will star Aussie actor Matt Passmore and Lost‘s Kiele Sanchez.
• True Blood will start its third season on June 13. Meanwhile, HBO is releasing one high-resolution poster every week until the premiere on its super-sleek website, like the one I’ve adapted above!
• How did I not know about the Battlestar Galactica roller coaster at Universal Studios Singapore? It’s actually two coasters in one: you can either ride as a human (in a traditional sit-down coaster with a train themed like a Viper) or as a Cylon (in an inverted coaster with trains themed like rows of Centurions). Either way, you’re going to have some close calls with the other side. Check out the dogfight in this video.
• The creator of the HBO/BBC series Rome—which ran for two critically-acclaimed seasons starting in 2005—wants to bring the epic story to the big screen. The script is done, and Morning Light Productions is signed on to produce. The film will be set in Germany after Caesar’s invasion of Gaul and Augustus’s rise to power.
• New episodes of freshly-resurrected Futurama are coming to Comedy Central in June. And now that the contract disputes have been settled, all the original voice actors will return to their parts.
• Syfy has an adaptation of Little Red Riding Hood in the works called Red, which will star Felicia Day (The Guild, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog) in the lead role. Syfy describes the movie thusly: “In the action-packed Red, Red (Day) brings her fiancé home, where he meets the family and learns about their business—hunting werewolves. He’s skeptical until bitten by a werewolf. When her family insists he must be killed, Red tries saving him.”
• FOX has announced its summer schedule, and for once, it’s not all reruns and reality shows. Sure there are reruns (i.e. Glee) and reality shows (So You Think You Can Dance begins May 27). But shockingly, a scripted series is set to premiere: The Good Guys a not-so-buddy-cop show from Burn Notice creator Matt Nix. It stars Bradley Whitford (The West Wing, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) and Colin Hanks (Roswell, Mad Men) and debuts on June 7—with a special preview on May 19. The show will be paired up with Lie to Me, which has been patiently waiting to resume its second season for five months now!
• Speaking of Glee, the show returned from its midseason hiatus with a record 13.6 million viewers.
• Speaking of Glee (again), creator Ryan Murphy says that the second season will likely be a hearty helping of 25 episodes.
• Apple honcho Steve Jobs will be the subject of a new series called iCon from Borat auteur Larry Charles. The show will air on premium channel Epix. And yes, this is the first time I’ve heard of Epix, too. But the channel might get some much-needed street cred if its miniseries adaptation of Atlas Shrugged comes to fruition, especially if Charlize Theron is attached like she’s rumored to be.
• Fringe: The Musical? It’s happening, alright. In two short weeks. And it sounds surprisingly promising.
• LeVar Burton tweeted last month that Reading Rainbow is coming back. Hurrah!
• Parks and Recreation star Aziz Ansari will host the MTV Movie Awards on June 6, which I consider to be an bizarre but inspired choice.
• But MTV’s first single-camera comedy is a touch less inspired: The Hard Times of RJ Berger, or, as TV Squad aptly dubbed it Hung, Jr. A nerd goes from uncool to slightly-less-uncool when he’s pantsed and everyone gets a good look at his sizable business. The trailer is full of middling to iffy jokes, with the exception of the moment when one envious teacher says, “It’s a goddamned Buick Regal.” The show premieres on June 6.
• Speaking of TV Squad, one of its bloggers pieced together that Graham Yost, creator of FX’s newest edgy series Justified, cut his teeth two decades ago by writing for Hey Dude, a campy Nickelodeon about teens at a dude ranch. Talk about going from one extreme to the other. (Not that I’m judging—I’ll start my television-writing career anywhere!)
• TV Guide Network will start airing reruns of Curb Your Enthusiasm on June 2, followed immediately by Curb: The Discussion, a roundtable discussion of each episode’s moral dilemmas. Larry David, brainchild and star of Curb Your Enthusiasm, will produce; and Susie Essman (who plays foul-mouthed Susie Greene on show) will host. The first guests ’round the table will include Jerry Seinfeld, Jon Hamm, Taraji B. Henson, Seth Green, and Rob Zombie.
• Starz is developing a series based on the autobiography of New York Times food critic and frequent Top Chef Masters judge Gael Greene (entitled Insatiable: Tales from a Life of Delicious Excess). But she’s old and wizened now, so it’s a little icky imagining her “delicious excess.”
• It seems we’re at the halfway point of Mad Men. While speaking at the National Association of Broadcasters convention, creator Matt Wiener revealed that he only foresees six seasons of the show.
• Lynette Rice of Entertainment Weekly reported that Conan O’Brien could film his new TBS show on his $50-million Tonight Show set. However, she does notes that there might be too much “bad blood” for him to do that, but I hope it happens. That stage is too pretty to lay dormant.
• And, to end this post on a high note, NBC has revealed that it lost $233 million on the 2010 Winter Olympics. (As for silver-or-perhaps-bronze lining, the Games brought them great ratings for the month of February!)

Aloha, dear TV junkies.  I may be on vacation, but thanks to some coffeshop wi-fi, I’m still able to update this here blog with cinnamon-bun-sticky fingers.  Surely you didn’t think I’d forgotten about honoring the best small-screen moments of 2009!  Listed below are my favorite episodes across the airwaves from all of last year.  Is the list comprehensive?  Maybe not.  Does the order tend to be arbitrary?  Perhaps.  But still, I believe this to be a pretty good representation of 2009′s highlights.  Writers and directors of the below episodes, I raise my iced-coffee cup to you.

1. Battlestar Galactica “Daybreak, Part 2″  No matter if you loved the end or hated it, the final two hours of this show boldly went where no show has gone before. A catastrophic first hour was followed by a contemplative second. The epic space saga went out with a bang and then a whisper.
2. Mad Men “Shut the Door, Have a Seat”  After an intense season of smoldering interpersonal drama, this episode was one of the most light-hearted and cathartic. In the vaguest terms I can use, Don closed some doors and opened others. He reinvented himself, and the show was reborn anew.
3. Breaking Bad “Phoenix”  Often the penultimate episode of a season is just as climactic as the finale, as proven by Breaking Bad. Without spoiling anything, it was Walter White’s inaction during a gut-wrenching dilemma that made this episode so powerful.
4. Glee “Sectionals”  Between Mercedes’s powerful “And I Am Telling You” rendition, Rachel’s “Don’t Rain on My Parade” showstopper, and the club’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” dedication, the musical numbers in this fall finale were brilliant enough to tide us over until the show’s return in spring.
5. 30 Rock “Apollo, Apollo”  It’s hard to top Jack Donaghy’s excitement-puking and Kenneth’s Muppet-vision, but what made this episode the best of its season was the Polish singles’ line commercial that a young Liz Lemon debased herself by appearing in. Remember, just call 1-800-OKFACE.
6. Dollhouse “Omega”  After the startling return of rogue-doll Alpha at the end of the preceding episode, this episode shows the making (read: programming) of a maniac. The Dollhouse made its bed, and now it might have to die in it!
7. Breaking Bad “Negro y Azul”  Any episode that starts with a mariachi band and ends with an exploding turtle surely deserves a spot high on this list.
8. Lost “Dead is Dead”  It’s Judgment Day for the conniving Benjamin Linus as “the Island” takes him on a painful trip down memory lane. By the end, his relinquishing of power leaves him impotent… and dangerously desperate.
9. Glee “Pilot”  FOX was so excited about this episode, the network aired it four months before the series even started. With the well-crafted song-and-dance numbers, the satirical commentary on the high school food chain, and the hilarious immaturity of the show’s adult characters, I could not stop believing that Glee would be a hit.
10. Grey’s Anatomy “Here’s to Future Days/Now or Never”  This show may be showing its age, but watching the end of this fifth-season finale was tantamount to mainlining adrenaline when the identity of the heroic (and doomed) John Doe was realized.
11. Californication “The Apartment”  A day of reckoning comes for Hank Moody when all the major players in his life coincidentally convene under one roof. In true farce-like fashion, he scrambles to accommodate his girlfriend, his mistresses, his mistress’s husband, his daughter, his best friend, a few random prostitutes, and Rick Springfield, all the while trying to keep his indiscretions under wraps.
12. Modern Family “Pilot”  The premise is simplistic—the daily travails of three families that are “nuclear” for the new millennium—but the writing and acting is refined. Oh, and the show happens to be hilarious. With this episode alone, this show skyrocketed to the elite of half-hour comedies.
13. So You Think You Can Dance “Top 20 Showcase”  This was an episode without missteps—just the top twenty competitors dancing in their own genres, resulting in routines that were almost unmatched by the rest of the season. (Almost.) What was otherwise a filler episode turned into the best hour of the season.
14. Fringe “There’s More Than One of Everything”  John Noble’s most impressive acting came when his character revisited the memories of a beach house with his son. And the alternate-reality story thread tangles as Olivia finds herself in the most improbable of locations in the ballsy cliffhanger.
15. Lost “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham”  At last, we discover how He Who Shall Be Named Jeremy Bentham died. Frustrated by his failure to get the gang back together and feeling spurned by destiny, he decides to take his own life. But his real cause of death, which we find out minutes later, is even darker.
16. Parks and Recreation “Beauty Pageant”  One of the first episodes of the season, this installment solidified Parks and Recreation’s status as suddenly brilliant. Example Leslie Knope line: “This [mural] depicts a famous fight between Reverend Bradley and Anna Beth Stevenson, widowed mother of seven. The original title of this was ‘A Lively Fisting.’ But, you know, they had to change it… for obvious reasons.”
17. Damages “Trust Me”  Flash-forwards as a narrative technique are a hot ticket right now, but Damages uses them in a brilliantly manipulative way, revealing a little more of certain scenes in each episode. And in “Trust Me,” all the cards are laid out in this punch-out ending to a gripping season.
18. True Blood “I Will Rise Up”  It started with an act of terrorism perpetrated by humans and ended with an act of tenderness by a human—Sookie Stackhouse—surprising the millennia-old Godric, who had seen the worst of our race’s behavior in his lifetime. Plus, this episode featured another dialogue gem from Lafayette: “I don’t know what you is, but I’m feelin’ you, and you a soulless bitch.”
19. Top Chef “Finale, Part 1″  No matter what you thought of this season’s winner (or even the order of the runners-up), all Top Chef viewers could agree that Keven, Jennifer, and the Voltaggios were the four best contenstants. And to see them duke it out in Napa Valley (aboard a moving train, no less) was a treat.
20. Lie to Me “The Core of It”  Like Parks and Recreation, this procedural drama also came back from its hiatus creatively reinvigorated. In this episode, Cal Lightman and his group have to contend with a murder witness with multiple personalities. Not only do they have to figure out which of her multiple personalities saw the crime, but they also have to find a way to trigger that personality. Guest star Erika Christiansen is scary-good as Sophie/Trisha/Jessie/RJ.

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2′s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.