Or, Everything That’s Ever Been Spoiled For Me

Try as hard as I might, there’s no escaping spoilers in my role as (amateur) TV critic. As I’ve said before, I’m incapable keeping up with all the worthwhile, buzz-worthy, quality TV on the air today. And while most blogs and publications are good about preceding spoilers with warnings and burying plot reveals in the body of an article instead of leading with them, others are not so conscientious. And even with the diligent outlets, there is a statute of limitations with spoilers—at a certain point, after an arbitrary amount of time has passed, it has to be allowable to rehash and discuss major plot points without recrimination. So I don’t always blame the spoil-er for the spoiling; I just regret that it happened (unless I just don’t care).

At the risk of paying the sin forward, here are all the twists that have been ruined for me—only posted for the amusement of curious readers! For those of you who are reading this on my blog, I’ve redacted the spoiler so that you have to highlight it to read it. For those of you who are reading this on an RSS feed, you might be S.O.L. This is a veritable minefield of killjoy spoilerage, so proceed with caution. And have fun!

• The Walking Dead: I knew that there was a substantial plot twist recently and that actor Jon Bernthal has been making press circuits, so I had my suspicions—and I’ve since found out that, yes, Shane dies.
• Dexter: To the dismay of my boyfriend, who got me into the show, I had long since read that the Trinity Killer killed Dexter’s wife Rita.
• Game of Thrones: I forget how I read it, but I knew that whatever character Sean Bean plays is beheaded even before HBO the sensationalistic (and, might I add, clever) promotional poster that depicts his head on a pike.
• Desperate Housewives: Thanks to a full-page article in Entertainment Weekly and a clip that ran on one of the morning shows, I now know that Mike Delfino dies. (Interestingly, many other TV fans were spoiled when the plot twist was referenced in the Nicollette Sheridan trial days before the episode aired.) I’m not devastated about it; I’ve been dragging my heels on watching my Housewives backlog anyway.
• Battlestar Galactica: Dammit, TV Guide. Here I was innocently leafing through their BSG issue when, all of a sudden, I came across a picture of four of the final five Cylons (and I’m not saying who here because I’m still hoping to get my boyfriend into the show).
• The Amazing Race: Every season, I inevitably fall behind on this competition show, and more often than not, I hear about who won the big shebang.
• Grey’s Anatomy: I’m pretty sure I knew that Denny died before I caught up with the seasons I’d missed on Netflix. And now that I’m covering the show for Wetpaint, I’m privy to a lot of spoilers. I was allowed to watch one screener this season which had a disclaimer asking critics not to reveal “what happens to Henry” in that episode. Gee, can you guess?
• Once Upon a Time: I found out that the sheriff died, breaking the heart of the Jennifer Morrison character, but I don’t feel too upset about it because a) I’ve only watched one episode, and b) I hear that death isn’t permanent on that show anyway.
• Gossip Girl: I knew that Dan and Blair became romantic while I was still boycotting the show. And now that I’ve seen it happen, I don’t hate the idea!
• Parenthood: A thumbnail on Hulu gave away the fact that not only did Jasmine forgive Crosby, but they got married, too.
• So You Think You Can Dance: My boyfriend and I heard who had won the latest season (Melanie, was it?) as we were still watching the first few episodes. It didn’t really matter, though, because the season was so uninspiring that we didn’t even finish watching it.
• Six Feet Under: I know that the Peter Krause character (Nate?) has some sort of stroke which makes him start saying nonsensical words right before he dies.
• The West Wing: I think I remember that the Jimmy Smits character wins the election, replacing Jed Bartlet as president. I also know that Leo dies by virtue of the sad fact that the actor, John Spencer, passed away in the midst of the series.
• The X-Files: I knew that Mulder was abducted because I remembered seeing him practically flayed by alien technology in a FOX promo years before I watched it.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I know that Buffy’s mom dies. And maybe the Alyson Hannigan character, too?
• The Wire: The kid played by Tristan Wilds shoots some girl in a car…? Is that right? And also, does Omar die?
• Friday Night Lights: One of the teens commits murder? Maybe?
• Alias: I’m pretty sure I Googled out spoilers (but I don’t remember which) back in the days before I wanted to stay pure.
• Lost: Actually, no! I’m adding this to the list because I think I actively dodged spoilers pretty effectively. Take that!

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It’s been months and months since my last blog post. And in that time span, the Emmys broadcast came and went, uncommented on—until now! Yes, though it may be ridiculously belated, I’m here to opine, ruminate, and wax poetic on all things Emmy. Hey, at least I’m doing so before next year’s broadcast…

• Even though the opening number didn’t wow me (until the Mad Men bit, that is), I still think Jane Lynch made for a fine Emmy host, and I hope the producers continue to make unexpected choices for the hosting gig for future ceremonies.
• All hail Modern Family. Not only was it chosen as Outstanding Comedy Series, but Phil and Claire Dunphy themselves, Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen, were chosen as the comedy world’s best supporting actor and actress. Plus, the show also took home awards for its writing and directing.
• That said, I could have used some more Parks and Recreation lovin’, since that show jockeys in my mind with Modern Family for the best comedy on TV right now.
• I loved Melissa McCarthy on Samantha Who? (and I hear she was just as lovable in Gilmore Girls), and now she’s finally getting her moment in the sun, what with a scene-stealing turn in Bridesmaids, Emmy gold for Mike & Molly, and a recent critically-adored hosting job on SNL.
• Still haven’t watched The Big Bang Theory, but congrats to Jim Parsons nonetheless for nabbing Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series. I’d be eager to watch, but I just have too much television on my plate.
• Once again, The Daily Show is hailed as the best of all variety, music, and comedy series—and I feel shameful that I haven’t even gone to see a live taping here in New York.
• It was hugely gratifying to see Margo Martindale win for her role as Mama on the criminally-underrated Justified. And I’d nominate Mama’s “apple pie” in Most Tantalizing Moonshine category.
• It seems like fans of Friday Night Lights bemoan its lack of attention, so I felt some vicarious vindication when Kyle Chandler won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series. Still, I was rooting for Justified‘s Timothy Olyphant…
• Julianna Margulies? Love her. Love everything about her. Love The Good Wife. Yep.
• As much as I enjoy The Amazing Race, I think that Top Chef put up a better season this year. Both shows brought back former “also-ran” contestants to compete again this season, but Top Chef‘s contest was just more engaging.
• Much as I enjoy Grey’s Anatomy (discounting the fact that I get paid to enjoy it), I do think that Loretta Divine deserved the show’s one and only acting nomination, and I’m tickled that she won it, because this scene is definitely Emmy material.
• When I saw Kate Winslet in the audience, I assumed she was just there for show. Then I remembered (and then she won for) her role in HBO’s Mildred Pierce miniseries. And that’s great, because she’s just so freakin’ likable.
• Much as I love Mad Men, I found myself a little dismayed that it won this year again. Seems to me that any of the other four shows (Dexter, The Good Wife, Friday Night Lights, Game of Thrones) would be just as worthy. Is Mad Men Fatigue possible? And if so, is it justifiable? I guess it’s a high-class problem to be tired of a show being consistently excellent.
• Most pressingly, when the hell will I be recognized by the Emmy voters for Outstanding if Infrequent Television Blogger or Outstanding if Overconfident Talent for an Unproduced Television Writer?

For those of you wondering where the latest installment of my Lost re-watch is, don’t fret. I’ve decided to take a two week hiatus after every two seasons just to publish a few other non-Lost stories for the non-Lost fans. (Blog post variety is the spice of life.) And here it is Emmy time again! As I said last year, I’m not predicting the winners here, mind you, but stating for whom I’m rooting. I haven’t seen all of the nominated shows and performances, but from what I have seen, here are my picks for some of the top categories.

Outstanding Drama Series
Lost

I know, this post was supposed to be non-Lost, right? But this show should be commended for providing a powerful and daring end to the Island saga—and one that was incredibly satisfying emotionally (if not mythologically). And as far as cultural touchstones for the decade go, Lost tops this particular list of nominees.

Outstanding Comedy Series
Modern Family

Based on the per-episode number of laughs-out-loud, this show takes the cake. If there were a category for comedic drama (or dramatic comedy, rather), then I’d give that award to Glee.

Outstanding Lead Actor – Drama Series
Matthew Fox (Lost)

His performance in the last hour of Lost alone merits this award, I think. Re-watching the show, I’m struck by how good of an actor he is in all scenarios. If he ever missteps, I certainly never notice.

Outstanding Lead Actress – Drama Series
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)

The show itself is a fascinating look into one person’s struggle to forgive and another’s struggle earn forgiveness. And Margulies—playing the former—is the anti-scenery chewer: she’s all internal, and yet we can somehow sense and understand every emotion.

Outstanding Lead Actor – Comedy Series
Matthew Morrison (Glee)

I half-hope Larry David wins, but Morrison’s combination of humor, emotion, singing abilities, dance movies, and—yes—hair gel is entirely far too winning to ignore.

Outstanding Lead Actress – Comedy Series
Amy Poehler (Parks & Recreation)

It’s a crime that the show as a whole wasn’t nominated, but I think a win for the much-deserving Poehler would adequately reward Parks and Recreation‘s second-season reinvention into a show that is equal to (if not superior to) its predecessor, The Office.

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Drama Series
Michael Emerson (Lost)

Again, I gotta stick by my love for Lost on this one. Emerson is an awe-inspiring actor, and somehow he and the writers transformed Ben from the show’s greatest villain to a tragic soul desperate for redemption who actually becomes likable as a person by the end.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Drama Series
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)

I’d be happy if any of the actresses nominated in this category won, but I think Moss showed the most range this past season. Peggy is coming into her own as a near-equal to the agency’s partners, yet Moss still plays her with the perfect amount of dorkiness and vulnerability.

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Comedy Series
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)

It’s so hard to choose between the three Modern Family actors nominated, but I think you’d be hard-pressed to find any fan of the show who doesn’t list Cam among his or her favorite characters.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Comedy Series
Jane Lynch (Glee)

No question. Sue Sylvester is the bitchiest, most fiendish, and most quotable characters to grace the small screen in years. Good on ya, Jane Lynch.

Outstanding Reality Competition Program
The Amazing Race

I know this show has won so many times before, but it’s just so thrilling, amusing, and even educational at times. I mean, who doesn’t want to compete on this show?

]]> http://primetimely.com/2010/08/2010-emmys-my-winners/feed/ 1 http://primetimely.com/2009/12/41-shows-reviewed/ http://primetimely.com/2009/12/41-shows-reviewed/#comments Thu, 24 Dec 2009 01:09:34 +0000 Dan Clarendon http://primetimely.com/?p=319

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2′s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.

Lately I’ve really gotten into The Amazing Race. Add it to the elite list of reality shows I find respectable. I have to say, I’m seduced by the globe-hopping adventure aspect. (Maybe it speaks to my love for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?) I mean, who wouldn’t want an all-expenses-paid whirlwind tour around the globe? Sure, participants don’t exactly get a chance to sight-see. But what is sacrificed in the quality of their tour stops is compensated by the quantity. Already this season, participants have been to Tokyo, Ho Chi Minh City, Phnom Penh, Dubai, Amsterdam, Stockholm, and Prague. And at each stop, the participants—and we, the viewers—learn a bit about the region’s culture, history, and geography. (Hey, sounds a bit like Carmen Sandiego!) What else is fulfilling about The Amazing Race is that the competition (usually) a bonding experience for the teams—by the end, at least. During the race, yelling, arguing, bickering are par for the course. But by the end, the couples or friends or relatives are usually much tighter than they were before crossing the starting line. So, with exotic locales, enjoyable challenges, and tearjerking moments, what’s not to love? I’m only sorry I’m getting onboard now, during the 15th season. But if the show remains as enlightening as it is entertaining, here’s to another 15 races.