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The Great TV Show Title Jumble

By on Sep 17, 2013 in Inanities | 0 comments

Today in Hypothetical Alternate Realities: What would happen if two totally different shows exchanged words in their titles? Behold. Drag Notice — HR representatives are replaced by drag queens, who then put delinquent employees on notice. “Gurl, you betta werk!” RuPaul’s Burn Race — RuPaul trades her loving “shade” for appallingly cruel barbs (punctuated, of course, by her trademark cackle). Pretty Little Anarchy — Four teenage fashionistas live to regret having overthrown the government of Rosewood. Sons of Liars — Four grown sons of formerly-teenage fashionistas form a motorcycle gang… and dish about small-town secrets over nonfat lattes. The Good Stars — An inventory of all the celebrities in Hollywood who haven’t been arrested for DUI, become a Scientologist, flashed their nether regions, or made anti-Semitic remarks. Dancing with the Wife —...

2013 Emmys: And the nominees are…

By on Jul 28, 2013 in Tinseltown | 0 comments

After poring over the 2013 Emmy nominations, I have a just a few observations, objections, musings, congratulations, speculations, and ramblings. American Horror Story has quickly become one of my all-time favorites, so I’m gratified that Emmy voters share my love for it and awarded it 17 nominations this year, more than any other program. Game of Thrones leads the dramas with 16 nods, and 30 Rock reigns over the comedies one last time with 13. Saturday Night Live holds the record for having the highest total of nominations for a variety show — or any show — with its 171 nods. But considering it’s been Emmy-eligible for 38 years now and has thus received average of 4.5 nominations per year, its longevity is more impressive than its nomination history. That said, SNL earned 15 nominations this year, more than thrice its average. This is the show’s second most-nominated...

2012 Primies: Best shows

By on Jan 28, 2013 in The Primies | 0 comments

As always, there’s too much good TV to watch, let alone wedge into a top-ten list. So for this, the revered yearly pantheon of television shows selected by America’s most cherished TV critic — ha! — I’m also noting a few honorable mentions, as well as recognizing the shows that might have elbowed their way onto this ranking had I actually had time to watch them in 2012. I can only imagine the heart-wrenching cuts I’ll have to make for the 2013 Primies if I manage to watch them all this year — and who knows what awesome series are just around the corner. Good luck, future Dan! American Horror Story (2011: #1) Breaking Bad Damages Homeland Dexter (2011: #1) Community (2011: #7) The Good Wife (2011: #2) Parks and Recreation (2011: #8) Mad Men Modern Family (2011: #3) Honorable mentions: The New Normal, Girls, Nashville Possible contenders (had I seen...

2012 Primies: Best moments

By on Jan 21, 2013 in The Primies | 0 comments

Continuing in on honoring the Year That Was on the small screen, here are the moments that only furthered my television-above-all prejudice. And yes, there are eleven, not ten. I make no apologies! WARNING: MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD! You may just want to look at the show names in the parentheses for each listing before anything else, just in case you were wanting to keep yourself pure. You’ve been warned! Breaking Bad’s entire fifth season so far. I realized I just couldn’t narrow it down: neophyte Todd shooting the kid who witnesses the gang’s heist, Skylar telling Walt that she’s waiting and hoping for his cancer to come back, Walt fatally shooting Mike and then staying with him as he dies, Hank finding Gale’s book and realizing that Walt and Heisenberg are one and the same. And that was the first half of the season. See you at the 2013 Primies, Breaking Bad. Deb...

2012 Primies: Best characters

By on Jan 13, 2013 in The Primies | 0 comments

Now that the Golden Globes have been doled out, I think it’s finally time to get to the legitimate awards: Primetimely’s third annual Primies! And, as is tradition, I’m starting out with the standout characters of 2012 — the fictional human beings that have delighted us, moved us, enthralled us, amused us, and scared the you-know-what out of us. And few were more terrifying than… Sister Mary Eunice (American Horror Story) While Sister Jude seemed like the big bad at the start of American Horror Story‘s second season, her sycophantic right-hand woman went from docile to demonic once possessed by the Devil. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, the juxtaposition between her position and her possession is mirrored in her persona: She’s by turns saccharinely-sweet and insidiously evil. Played by Lily Rabe. Mike Ehrmantraut (Breaking Bad) The first half...