or, A Television-Related Word Association Experiment With the Love of My Life

Here’s a list of every current show I watch, and my boyfriend’s instant reaction to each.

• 30 Rock “Oh, Tina Fey…” (smiles)
• American Horror Story ”Thrills me.”
• Boardwalk Empire “Costumes…”
• Breaking Bad “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t know.  Come back to me with that one.”
• Burn Notice “Never saw it… oh, but that guy is hot.”
• Californication “Gah… can’t get into it… but I want to.”
• Community “Growing on me.”
• Cougar Town “Stupid.”
• Covert Affairs “Oh, Piper Peek-a-boo.  That’s what my dad calls her… looks pretty stupid, though.  It looks like a dumbed-down Alias, if Alias could be any dumber.”
• Curb Your Enthusiasm ”I hate Seinfeld.”
• Damages “I don’t know anything about that show.  What is that show?”
• Desperate Housewives ”Ugh… desperate.”
• Dexter “Love it.  Those cat eyes.”
• Fringe “Ugh… it has that guy from Dawson’s Creek.”
• Glee “Oh, I love Lea Michele.  Oh!  Mercedes!  What’s her name in real life?”
• Gossip Girl “Ed. Westwick. Two words.”
• Grey’s Anatomy (gags ) “Menopause.”
• Justified “I wanna watch that.  It has that guy with the French last name that sounds like ‘elephant.’ E-le-phant.  You should use those French accents.”
• Louie “Say that again?”
• Mad Men (sighs) “Upsets me.”
• Modern Family “Oh my god.  I could watch that all day.”
• Nikita “Oh my god… the CW…”
• Once Upon a Time “I love Ginnifer Goodwin.  Godwin.  Goodwin.”
• Parenthood “I adore that show.”
• Parks and Recreation (smiles admiringly and shrugs)
• Private Practice “Ugh… keep it private.”
• Raising Hope “Babies.”
• Revenge “Oh, that’s the girl I’m gonna see soon in ‘Bros and Hos’ [our nickname for Brothers and Sisters].  Living in the Hamptons is so nice.  Except I hate those people.”
• So You Think You Can Dance “The judges really think they can talk”
• The A-List: New York “Not a list I want to be a part of.  Not ‘a list‘.” (laughs)
• The Buried Life “Oh.  That’s like a bucket list for adult people.  Or, or for kids.  I do want to watch that.”
• The Glee Project ”I really hated those kids.  And I did not like the results.”
• The Good Wife “Always hesitant to start, but I love it by the end.  That Kalinda: she can seduce everyone, and she’s really not that hot.  But she’s cunning.  She’s kind of like an animal actually.  Don’t you think so?  She just kinda fills her animalistic needs.”
• The Office “Ugh… never got into it.  I love Steve Carrell.  And I love that British dude who insults everyone.”
• The Sing-Off  “Nick Lachey is a really dumb host.”
• The Voice ”Oh, we were on that.”
• The Walking Dead “I really don’t like anything that has to do with zombies, except for 28 Days Later.”
• True Blood “Oh my god.  ’Sookie.’  That is also one of the first shows to make a gay person of color a main character, and in a really positive way.  People respect him.”
• Top Chef  “My dream career.  That show tantalizes me.  That shows tantalizes my every vittle.” (laughs)  ”What do you want for dinner tonight?”

We all watch television in eager anticipation of those watercooler moments—those moments so shocking, so emotional, so incredibly awesome that we have to a) rewind to watch them about twenty times and b) rehash them to death with all of our fellow watchers. And I honor my picks for those moments here, along with video clips of each moment from YouTube and Hulu (which will hopefully still work in six months). Bear in mind that I did not (and surely could not) see every worthwhile show on television in 2011, and I might be behind on the ones I do watch, so I will most certainly snub deserving moments. Also, I chose not to go Googling to remember these events; if they didn’t come immediately to mind, they must not be momentous enough to merit a place on this list.

WARNING: MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD! You may just want to look at the show names in the parentheses before looking at the description to keep yourself pure. You’ve been warned!

1. Alicia finds out (The Good Wife) that Kalinda slept with her husband Peter, since only she knows that the name of his rumored mistress, Leila, is the name with which Blake would constantly refer to Kalinda.
2. Debra sees Dexter kill (Dexter), and now we’re dying to know now how strong their familial bonds are—will she arrest him, protect him, or aid and abet him?
3. Adele learns she has Alzheimer’s (Grey’s Anatomy) passing through denial, anger, and grief all within the span of a tour de force monologue, thanks to an Emmy-winning performance by Loretta Devine.
4. Zeek lectures Amber (Parenthood) after she gets in a car accident because her friend was drunk, saying, “You do not have my permission to mess with my dreams.”
5. Gus uses the box cutter (Breaking Bad) on his henchman Victor’s neck, wordlessly putting the fear of God (or is that the fear of Gus?) into insubordinate Walt and Jesse.
6. Violet realizes she’s dead (American Horror Story) when she finds her rotting corpse deep in the bowels of the Murder House, and she realizes that her suicide attempt days earlier was successful.
7. The multiverse forgets Peter (Fringe) as if he never existed, and he was only trying to stop the destruction of our universe by the other and vice versa.
8. Debbie shoots Tara (True Blood) with a bullet meant for Sookie, making this season finale the bloodiest and most tragic episode yet.
9. Michael says goodbye (The Office), ending the comedy king’s reign in Scranton on a surprisingly sincere and touching note.
10. Henry dies (Grey’s Anatomy) on Cristina’s operating table, while Henry’s wife Teddy operates in the next room, misled to believe the surgery is a success.
11. Dexter finds the professor’s frozen body (Dexter) and realizes that Travis is the monster himself, not just the lackey—and worse, he’s schizo.
12. The Troubletones sing “Rumour Has It/Someone Like You” (Glee), a mash-up showcasing the emotion-laden vocals of Mercedes and Santana, with some fine choreography to boot.
13. Adam and Kristina fight (Parenthood), which not only displayed superb acting by Peter Krause and Monica Potter but also proved that the relationships developed by this show’s writers are among the most realistic you’re likely to find on TV.
14. Callie sings “The Story” (Grey’s Anatomy)—really just an excuse for Sara Ramirez to sing a showstopping number, and damn if she didn’t sing her heart out.
15. Blake leaves Kalinda with a parting shot (The Good Wife), telling her that he knows that she slept with Peter—and we get a rare glimpse of a vulnerable and scared Kalinda.

• BONUS: “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait… wait. I worry what you just heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was: ‘Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.’ Do you understand?” – Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation 

   

It’s often hard to remember all of the television I watch every year, but some episodes make themselves impossible to forget. The following hours or half-hours of television were exemplary in some way, whether it was for the writing or the direction of the episode; for the way they ended seasons or, in some cases, entire series; for their plots or subplots; for the emotional toll they took on the viewer; for the way they broke the mold and parted with tradition; or sometimes for just one scene or performance in particular.

1. Lost “The End” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for providing an unexpected, moving, and controversial finale sure to keep fans talking, dissecting, and criticizing for years to come.
2. Grey’s Anatomy “Sanctuary/Death and All His Friends”
   … for the tensest, most emotionally-draining two hours of television this year.
3. Breaking Bad “Half Measures”
   … for the brutal, game-changing last thirty seconds alone.
4. Mad Men “The Suitcase”
   … for the most finely-written “bottle episode” I’ve ever seen.
5. Lost “The Candidate”
   … for being the first television episode to actually elicit tears.
6. 24 “Day 8: 2:00 PM-3:00 PM/Day 8: 3:00 PM-4:00 PM”
   … for finally letting Jack Bauer run off into the sunset (even if he is doing so under duress) after a tender moment with Chloe
7. Fringe “Over There” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for smashing the two snowglobes—the two universes—together, and in so doing, kick-starting a powerful season to come.
8. The Buried Life “Make a Million Dollars” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for the guys’ dogged persistence and cheerful optimism in the face of their most challenging task yet.
9. Glee “The Substitute”
   … for Gwyneth Paltrow’s bravura performance as the goofy Holly Holliday.
10. Dollhouse “Epitaph Two”
    … for providing an epic, post-apocalyptic finale, while still being a love letter to the fans jilted by the show’s cancellation.
11. Private Practice “Did You Hear What Happened to Charlotte King”
    … for not dwelling on the rape so much as the physical and psychological aftereffects.
12. Breaking Bad “Full Measure”
    … for ending another stellar season with more narrative propulsion than any other third-season finale
13. Modern Family “Family Portrait”
    … for the scene of Mitchell attacking the pigeon in slow-motion to the sound of Cam’s rendition of “Ave Maria.”
14. Mad Men “Public Relations”
    … for showing the chinks in Don’s well-groomed armor that will lead to his season-long descent.
15. Community “Modern Warfare”
    … for making a paintball game into a riotous send-up of action movies and for letting Jeff and Britta act on—and purge—their romantic tension.
16. The Walking Dead “Wildfire”
    … for the horrific aftermath of the zombie incursion on the camp and for the survivors’ foray into the wilds of downtown Atlanta.
17. So You Think You Can Dance “Meet the Top 11″
    … for the humility of Kent Boyd’s impassioned speech and for the jubilation of the finalists and their family upon hearing the good news.
18. Justified “Blind Spot”
    … for Raylan’s chickens coming home to roost in regards to his relationship with Ava, for his intensifying verbal sparring with Boyd, and for the introduction of the Crowder patriarch, Bo.
19. Damages “The Next One’s Going In Your Throat”
    … for efficiently connecting all the dots laid out in the third season in a devastating and thrilling finale.
20. The Good Wife “Hi”
    … for the triumphant scene in which Daniel and Kalinda cleverly win Peter a retrial.

Honorable mentions: Parks and Recreation “Telethon”; The Good Wife “Running”; Modern Family “Fears”; Glee “Grilled Cheesus”; Cougar Town “When the Time Comes”; Fringe “Entrada”; Top Chef “History Never Repeats”; The Office “Andy’s Play”; Lost “LA X”; Breaking Bad “Sunset”; Justified “Bulletville”; Breaking Bad “One Minute”; Grey’s Anatomy “These Arms of Mine”; Modern Family “Strangers on a Treadmill”; Modern Family “Starry Night”; The Buried Life “Get Married in Vegas”; 30 Rock “When It Rains, It Pours”; Glee “Furt”

In the waning hours of 2010, allow me to kick-start the Second Annual Primie Awards. Below are my favorite fifteen characters from the past year of television, again listed in descending order of awesomeness. (One could only dream of a context that would bring all of them together to share the screen!)

1. Kalinda Sharma (The Good Wife) If mystery is sexy, Kalinda is a bombshell. The tight-lipped private investigator radiates allure and ambiguity while keeping herself impassive and collected… most of the time. And when she let her emotions show, she does so in grand fashion, like taking a baseball bat to her rival’s car before leaving a kiss on the rear-view. She wins cool points even when she loses her cool. Played by Archie Panjabi.
2. Phil Dunphy (Modern Family) There’s not one weak link on this show, but this year, I’m honoring Phil. (Or, as Gloria would say, “Feeeeel.”) He’s so desperate in his attempts to stay hip and cool that it’s embarrassing, but in a weird way, it’s so embarrassing that he actually becomes kinda cool again. Huh. Played by Ty Burrell.
3. Olivia Dunham (Fringe) On our side, Olivia is empathetic, cool, and logical. In the alternate universe, she’s combative, single-minded, and impulsive—oh, and a redhead. When the two Olivias switched universes, each camouflaged herself like the other (by choice or otherwise), and the inherent difficulties and dilemmas were the highlights of the season so far. Played by Anna Torv.
4. Brittany Pierce (Glee) Who would have guessed that Brittany would be the new fan favorite in Season 2? Credit her brilliantly-dumb observations and her insane footwork, both of which were on full display in the episode devoted to her, “Britney/Brittany.” Played by Heather Morris.
5. Raylan Givens (Justified) Not only does this U.S. Marshal have a fun name to say out loud (and it must be said with a Southern accent), but he is also a helluva shot who vacillates between even- and hot-temperedness. It’s like he’ll try to calmly reason with you for five minutes before pulling his sidearm and shooting you between the eyes. Played by Timothy Olyphant.
6. Ellie Torres (Cougar Town) The role of “bitchy best friend” has been overplayed, but Ellie Torres revitalizes the trope with cutting wit and grudging love. As far as the Cul-de-sac Crew is concerned, she’s the cool kid on the block—the one by whom everyone wants to be liked. Hell, we all want Ellie to like us. Played by Christa Moore.
7. Dan Stark (The Good Guys) With all due respect to Josh Lyman, Dan Stark was the role Bradley Whitford was born to play. With a mustache second only to last year’s honoree Ron Swanson, Dan is a washed-up, libidinous joke of a detective who only stumbles into the the answers. But that never hurts his swag. Played by Bradley Whitford.
8. Holly Holliday (Glee) She may have only been on the show for one episode, but that’s all I needed to fall in love with this goofy, impulsive, hip substitute teacher. Between the Cee Lo singing, the Lindsay Lohan opining, and the Mary Todd Lincoln impersonating, Holly brought new levels of fun to the humdrum Lima High. Played by Gwyneth Paltrow.
9. Holly Flax (The Office) Her reappearance this year was fleeting, but she brings new life to the The Office whenever she shows up in Scranton. Whereas Michael’s other leading ladies only tolerated his goofiness, Holly matches it. When the jokes end, though, the reality of their former relationship and ensuing tension shine through. Still, if Michael is truly driving his Sebring into the sunset at the end of this season, I’m hoping Holly is riding shotgun. Played by Amy Ryan.
10. Gustavo Fring (Breaking Bad) Owner of the Los Pollos Hermanos fast-food chain by day, drug kingpin—well—also by day. Not only did he confront and subdue the Mexican cartel, but he also wrangled Walt into producing blue meth in bulk. And his emotionlessness and unflappability only make him even more intimidating. Played by Giancarlo Esposito.
11. Ria Torres (Lie to Me) Some characters don’t need a firearm or a killer right hook to be a badass. Ria will outwit or at least out-glare the guy across the interrogation table until he’s spilling the truth. What she lacks in training she more than makes up for in street smarts, improvisation, and spot-on instincts. Played by Monica Raymund.
12. Sarah Braverman (Parenthood) It’d be difficult to dislike any of the Braverman clan, but Sarah is especially endearing because of her self-deprecating motormouth and social inelegance. (How Gilmorean.) Her lot in life could be pitiable, but she’s a trouper—and good things come to her eventually. Played by Lauren Graham.
13. Zoe Graystone (Caprica) Zoe is a tough character to crack. Basically, the original Zoe died in a terrorist attack, but her soul lived on through her online avatar and was downloaded into a Cylon robot by her father. Boom. Three iterations of the same character, all different yet all variations on a theme. And the remaining Zoes are not particularly happy to live on in their current forms. Played by Alessandra Torresani.
14. Burt Hummel (Glee) To say he’s a supporting character is an understatement. He could not be more protective of his gay son Kurt, even if he’s still trying to find common ground with him. And not only is this journey of his interesting to watch, it serves as a road map for other parents of other Kurts out there. Played by Mike O’Malley.
15. Russell Edgington (True Blood) The millennia-old vampire king of Mississippi was the latest villain on True Blood, but he’s so maniacal, gaudy, and flamboyant that you almost wanted him to overstay his welcome if only for more ridiculousness. Played by Denis O’Hare.

If you’re a diehard fan of a show, you can proclaim your love loud and proud with your standard t-shirt bearing the show’s logo. But sometimes, you want merchandise that’s a bit less conventional. Maybe a bit less straightforward. Maybe a bit more of an insider-y reference. For such occasions, I recommend the following items.

Merlotte’s Neon Sign The perfect accompaniment for your bar/liquor cabinet/Tru Blood cooler, this neon sign harks back to the favorite watering hole of Bon Temps, Louisiana. If you’re more the fangbanger type, a Fangtasia sign is also available, and it’s only a matter of time before we see a Lou Pine’s variant.

The Office Sign Not much ambiguity here, but this door sign is highly emblematic of the show. The Office has one of the most bountiful online stores, with hundreds of items available. If you want to continue making your home resemble the Dunder Mifflin workplace, you can also get personalized name plates, reprints of Pam’s artwork, and bobbleheads of almost all the employees.

Top Chef Logo Jacket What better way to say “I’m not your bitch, bitch” than to don this jacket and tell all who enter the kitchen that you mean business. Food—instantly better. Atmosphere—instantly more intimidating. Of course, to complete the look, you also need the Top Chef pants, the Top Chef apron, the Top Chef oven mitt, and the Top Chef knives. (And no one’s gonna tell you to pack them and go.)

Jeffster Poster Promote the Buy More’s homegrown cover band by purchasing this poster, sporting the trademark coifs of the Nerd-Herders-cum-rockstars Jeff and Lester. Let everyone know you support the arts, dubious as they may be.

Lost Prints When graphic designer Ty Mattson wanted to craft invitations to his Lost viewing party, he created eight Saul-Bass-esque works of art, each iconic of a specific aspect of the show. Two are available for purchase as prints (and as t-shirts and even skateboards) at the ABC Store.

Tracy Jordan TJ Pendant T-Shirt Even if you haven’t achieved the almighty EGOT status, you can still match Tracy Jordan’s swagger with this blinged-out t-shirt. Take it from a proud owner of this shirt, people on the street certainly do look at you differently.

Mad Men Barbie Dolls If you want to reenact Mad Men’s hot-blooded office politics and smoldering trysts, now you can, with these miniature versions of the main characters which are not creepy at all. But I don’t know how you’re going to find a pack of Lucky Strikes that are to scale.

Metal Dharma Signs If you’re working on transforming your living room into a Dharma hatch—buying Geronimo Jackson on vinyl, finding the right ping-pong table, keeping that pesky electromagnetic field under control—then these metal signs are a must-have. Unfortunately, the Dharma Initiative Alarm Clock seems to still be in the theoretical stages.

Lordy lordy, do I have a ton of news items to share. Let’s waste no time:

• Most excitingly, William Keck at TV Guide reports that Terry O’Quinn (Lost‘s Locke) is pitching a series in which he and Michael Emerson (Ben) star as “suburban hit men juggling family issues.” My buddy Andy says he might not be able to see these Emmy-winners as anything other than their iconic Lost personas, but I think that we’ll eventually get accustomed to them portraying different characters. Eventually.
• And speaking of shedding past roles, SCI FI Wire tells us that James Callis (Battlestar Galactica‘s Gaius Baltar) has joined the cast of FlashForward and will appear in this season’s last handful of episodes. The fate-defying drama returns March 18 for an uninterrupted run of 13 installments.
• Nip/Tuck‘s series finale airs on Wednesday, which means I really have to make haste to catch up. (I’m not sorry it’s leaving the airwaves, though—I loved it a few seasons ago, it’s past its expiration date now.)
• A Washington middle-schooler was given detention for what, to my mind, was a pretty well-placed utterance of The Office‘s catchphrase “That’s what she said.”
• FOX’s Past Life, a show which looked terrible just from the previews (and also bumped Fringe off the air for a while), has been axed after three episodes. But series lead Kelli Giddish, who was apparently one of the show’s redeeming qualities, was promptly hired for Jerry Bruckheimer’s U.S. Marshall pilot for NBC, Chase. What with a show premiere, a show cancellation, and a new job, it has been a climactic February for her.
• E! Online revealed that Ellie Kemper, a.k.a. new hire Erin on The Office, was a student at a St. Louis High School where her drama teacher was none other than Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm. She said: ”He taught me drama work, mostly improvisation, which I did a lot of in college and in New York. It’s my favorite thing to do.” And he said: “It’s really cool to see [former students] blossom and find their own way in.”
• BuddyTV has a list of five reasons why Heroes should be cancelled, including a pretty damning line graph of the show’s bombing ratings. I agree with most of the reasons, but the last reason is that cancellation is the only way to avoid disappointment. I think it’s too late for that. It’s already disappointing, considering how the show squandered the promise it held during its first season. I’m way behind on the show and unsure whether to even continue. In related news, star Adrian Pasdar was charged with DUI this month.
• Remember when I told you that NBC’s Trauma had been cancelled? It lives! To help fill the void left in the wake of the Jay Leno failure, NBC has resurrected the show. If you’re interested, it returns on March 8.
• Speaking of Leno, he returns to The Tonight Show next Monday, using a renovated version of his set for The Jay Leno Show (and not the impressive Tonight set that Conan used). As strong as my distaste for Leno is, I’ll watch to see his Olympic guests: Lindsey Vonn on Monday, Shaun White on Tuesday, and Apolo Ohno on Wednesday.
• More movie stars are migrating to TV. Matthew Broderick will star in NBC comedy Beach Lane, in which he’ll play an author hired to work for a Hamptons newspaper. (Promisingly, Lorne Michaels is producing.) And Virginia Madsen (Sideways) will lead ABC’s comedic drama Scoundrels, in which she’ll play a mother in a family of crooks who decide to live a life of lawfulness. Based on the New Zealand show Outrageous Fortune, the adaptation was developed a couple of seasons ago under the name Good Behavior with Catherine O’Hara and Kristen Bell attached.
• The fifth season of Friday Night Lights will be its last. But the fourth season hasn’t even aired on NBC yet—only on DirecTV. So Dillon devotees still have two seasons to enjoy before the show bows out.
• Longtime Top Chef judge Gail Simmons—who also works for Food & Wine—will be the host of spin-off Top Chef: Just Desserts.
• NBC’s version of BBC hit Prime Suspect is on hold while the network searches for a suitable star. Considering the original star was Helen Mirren, that’s a tall order.
• Also, director Roland Emmerich says that 2013, his follow-up to blockbuster disaster flick 2012, isn’t likely to make it to air because of budget constraints. Even though the movie was terrible (or so-terrible-it’s-actually-awesome), the series sounded interesting. It would have focused on the efforts to rebuild a human civilization in Africa. I mentioned last post how much I appreciate it when shows film on location, and it would have been awesome for an American series to have been filmed in Africa. (That’s part of the reason why the TV movie 24: Redemption was so effective for me.)
• Speaking of 24 (and boy, do I love smooth segues!), the feature film is apparently back on. Screenwriter Billy Ray—who wrote State of Play and Shattered Glass—will take Jack Bauer to London. But the timing of the production depends on whether or not the TV series gets another season, which FOX has yet to determine.
• To the surprise of just about no one, Charlie Sheen is back in rehab, so you Two and Half Men might be out of luck later this season if CBS runs out of episodes to air.
• PBS and BBC are planning another Sherlock Holmes series with Benedict Cumberbatch (Atonement) as the deerstalker-wearing detective. And, in what I consider inspired casting, Martin Freeman (who had the “Jim” role of Tim in the U.K. version of The Office) will co-star as Watson.
• Happily, First Lady Michelle Obama invited the cast of Glee to perform at the White House for the White House Easter Egg Roll on April 5, and the producers of the show shuffled up the show’s filming schedule to accommodate her request. As Lea Michele belted out during her bravura “Maybe This Time” duet with Kristin Chenoweth, “It’s gonna happen!”
• And finally, to honor the Olympics (or, more specifically, the television coverage of same), here is an amazing photo of Bob Costas atop a stuffed moose with Stephen Colbert looking on.

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2′s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.

Here are the latest news items from the idiot-box world:

• Lost finally has a return date—the final season will premiere with a two-hour installment on Tuesday, February 2, at 9/8c on ABC.
• Chuck‘s return date was also announced today. The action-comedy will return with two episodes on Sunday, January 10, and then another one the following night as it settles into its normal timeslot of Mondays at 8/7c. The show was on the brink of cancellation this past spring until fans rallied to show their support. NBC gave the show another vote of confidence a few weeks ago when it upped its order from 13 episodes to 19.
• ABC has released some neat-o promo images for V showing the Visitors’ motherships hovering above the world’s metropolitan centers. One is shown above, and you can view the rest at io9.
• Just as I was wondering where Smallville actor Sam Jones, III has been all this time, here comes the news that the guy has been arrested and charged with conspiring to sell 10,000 Oxycodone pills. Bad for him, but good for my web traffic. Thanks, Sam!
• Cop drama Southland, a show NBC cancelled before its second season had premiered, has been resurrected by TNT. The new season will premiere on Tuesday, January 12, at 10/9c.
• Oprah Winfrey will announce tomorrow that The Oprah Winfrey Show will end after its 2010-2011 season. She currently has a deal in place with Discovery Communications to turn Discovery Health Channel into OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network.
• Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, seen sharing the screen last season on 30 Rock, will co-host next year’s Academy Awards ceremony. Other celebs considered for the emcee gig include Tina Fey, Ben Stiller, and Robert Downey, Jr.
• In other hosting news, Ricky Gervais will finally get his moment in the award-show spotlight when he hosts next year’s Golden Globes. Gervais, the creator and star of the UK version of The Office, has been a mainstay at the recent Oscar and Emmy ceremonies and always has the crowd in stitches.
• Bravo has announced another season of Top Chef Masters along with another spinoff Top Chef: Just Desserts (which I’m a little skeptical of). And Top Chef Junior is apparently still in development.
• Since my last news brief, Trauma, Eastwick, Hank have all been cancelled. But the most tragic axing of them all was Dollhouse. (Expect a write-up soon.)
• For whatever reason, The Weather Channel has decided to air movies on Friday nights. The selections range from the understandable (The Perfect Storm) to the unexplainable (Deep Blue Sea). I know; I don’t get it either.

The Emmys snuck up on me this year, but ever since I learned that the ceremony was tonight, my plans were set. (That said, an hour’s intermission for Mad Men might be in order.) I’m not predicting the winners here, mind you, but stating who I’m rooting for. I haven’t seen all of the nominated shows and performances, but from what I have seen, here are my picks for some of the top categories:

Outstanding Drama Series
Breaking Bad

No other show in the category is under-subscribed as this one, and yet it’s one of the most nuanced, emotionally profound series on television. It would be a real coup if it won.

Outstanding Comedy Series
30 Rock

From Oprah hallucinations to Night Court reunions to Muppets in space to Salma Hayek saying “coco for cuckoo poops,” this show continues to outdo itself season after season.

Outstanding Lead Actor – Drama Series
Jon Hamm (Mad Men)

…for a man who makes being emotionally distant look so cool. A furrowed eyebrow is the biggest response you’ll get out of him.

Outstanding Lead Actress – Drama Series
Glenn Close (Damages)

…for being alternately—and believably—vulnerable and terrifying. (And when I say terrifying, I mean she’s almost as scary as her character in Fatal Attraction.)

Outstanding Lead Actor – Comedy Series
Steve Carell (The Office)

Emmy voters love characters with moral ambiguity, and you can never tell of how much of his own assholiness Michael Scott is aware. Plus, this is Carell’s fourth consecutive nomination in this category. Clearly he’s doing something right!

Outstanding Lead Actress – Comedy Series
Christina Applegate (Samantha Who?)

If we can’t have Samantha Who? on our screens, we should at least honor the star, whose performance of the sunny, optimistic Samantha made losing one’s memory almost look like fun.

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Drama Series
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)

A win for him seems like a long shot, but Aaron Paul’s performance won me over this year. He made an imbecilic druggie a character you can root for—and feel for during the devastating conclusion to the season.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Drama Series
Chandra Wilson (Grey’s Anatomy)

Bailey is the most rational, sage character in a hospital brimming with angst and impulsive behavior, even when her own life is imploding. Besides, this is Wilson’s fourth consecutive nomination in this category. Clearly she’s doing something right!

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Comedy Series
Tracy Morgan (30 Rock)

…simply or making Tracy Jordan the craziest person you’d ever want to be your best friend.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Comedy Series
Kristin Chenoweth (Pushing Daisies)

How is so much talent contained in such a tiny lady? I have no idea, but her portrayal as the hopelessly-devoted Olive Snook almost makes you want to break up Ned and Chuck. Almost.

Outstanding Reality Competition Program
Top Chef

…for being one of the classiest, most respectable reality shows on the air, and for making us all want to become food savants.

]]> http://primetimely.com/2009/09/2009-emmys-my-winners/feed/ 1 http://primetimely.com/2009/09/completist-destiny/ http://primetimely.com/2009/09/completist-destiny/#comments Fri, 04 Sep 2009 22:52:08 +0000 Dan Clarendon http://primetimely.com/?p=185

Completist Destiny, as defined by Wikipedia, is the belief that a television addict such as myself is destined—nay, divinely ordained—to watch a series completely and completely chronologically. Fine, I admit: that might just be a dogma of my own creation. But I stick to it. (This is where you, in solidarity, shout, “Leave no episode behind!”)

Of course, I have to compromise sometimes, like when networks boneheadedly air episodes out of order, or when I’m watching TV with someone who’s not as obsessive-compulsive devoted to the intended chronology as I am.

Anyway, I was thinking today about the series I’ve watched in their entireties—i.e. series for which I’ve seen every episode made available. Here they all are, from the most prolific to the shortest-lived… and even the ones I’m not so proud I watched!

• The X-Files (205 episodes)
• Dawson’s Creek (128 episodes)
• Alias (105 episodes)
• Battlestar Galactica (78 episodes)
• Veronica Mars (64 episodes)
• Roswell (61 episodes)
• Samantha Who? (35 episodes)
• Eli Stone (26 episodes)
• Summerland (26 episodes)
• Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (22 episodes)
• Aliens in America (18 episodes)
• Worst Week (16 episodes)
• The Office (U.K. version, 14 episodes)
• Kings (13 episodes)
• Miss/Guided (7 episodes)

Any show that I’ve watched that is not included on this list is a show that I’m still in the middle of, a show that I’ve given up on, or one of the (few) shows that I only watch occasionally.

The sad truth is that very few of these shows ended of the producers’ own accord; far too many were axed. And some of them aren’t even available on DVD for future enjoyment.

I’ll update this list periodically as I polish off more shows, starting with my dearly-beloved Pushing Daisies, for which I only have one more episode. (And parting is hardly ever such sweet sorrow.)

Edits:

• Pushing Daisies (22 episodes, finished 9/12/09)
• Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (31 episodes, finished 9/16/09)
• Dollhouse (26 episodes, finished 1/29/10)
• Nip/Tuck (100 episodes, finished 3/30/10)
• Ugly Betty (85 episodes, finished 4/15/10)
• Lost (121 episodes, finished 5/23/10)
• 24 (193 episodes, finished 5/24/10)
• FlashForward (22 episodes, finished 6/12/10)

The following post was originally published on my old blog on February 4, 2009.  Updates to this post are noted below.

Under some pretense of being an organized person (ha!), I keep a very meticulous list of the episodes I have yet to see for all the shows I follow. And I’ve noticed definite trends regarding my level of addiction to certain shows—or the lack thereof—as shown in the following categories. (I should point out that this is nowhere near a comprehensive list!)

Must-See TV I want to see it, and I want to see it now.

• Battlestar Galactica
• Lost
• 30 Rock
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Chuck

Will-See TV I love it, but I might be a few episodes behind.

• 24
• Heroes (Update: Lo, how the mighty Heroes has fallen.)
• Mad Men
• Damages
• Californication

Might-See TV I’ve liked what I’ve seen, but I have a serious backlog.

• Pushing Daisies
• Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
• True Blood (Update: The more I watch this, the more I love it.)

Should-See TV I know, I know, I have to watch it. So you keep telling me!

• The Wire
• Friends
• Friday Night Lights
• The Office (Update: I got caught up in April, and this is must-see TV now.)

Won’t-See TV No, thank you.

• CSI
• NCIS
• Law & Order
• American Idol