If you’re a diehard fan of a show, you can proclaim your love loud and proud with your standard t-shirt bearing the show’s logo. But sometimes, you want merchandise that’s a bit less conventional. Maybe a bit less straightforward. Maybe a bit more of an insider-y reference. For such occasions, I recommend the following items.

Merlotte’s Neon Sign The perfect accompaniment for your bar/liquor cabinet/Tru Blood cooler, this neon sign harks back to the favorite watering hole of Bon Temps, Louisiana. If you’re more the fangbanger type, a Fangtasia sign is also available, and it’s only a matter of time before we see a Lou Pine’s variant.

The Office Sign Not much ambiguity here, but this door sign is highly emblematic of the show. The Office has one of the most bountiful online stores, with hundreds of items available. If you want to continue making your home resemble the Dunder Mifflin workplace, you can also get personalized name plates, reprints of Pam’s artwork, and bobbleheads of almost all the employees.

Top Chef Logo Jacket What better way to say “I’m not your bitch, bitch” than to don this jacket and tell all who enter the kitchen that you mean business. Food—instantly better. Atmosphere—instantly more intimidating. Of course, to complete the look, you also need the Top Chef pants, the Top Chef apron, the Top Chef oven mitt, and the Top Chef knives. (And no one’s gonna tell you to pack them and go.)

Jeffster Poster Promote the Buy More’s homegrown cover band by purchasing this poster, sporting the trademark coifs of the Nerd-Herders-cum-rockstars Jeff and Lester. Let everyone know you support the arts, dubious as they may be.

Lost Prints When graphic designer Ty Mattson wanted to craft invitations to his Lost viewing party, he created eight Saul-Bass-esque works of art, each iconic of a specific aspect of the show. Two are available for purchase as prints (and as t-shirts and even skateboards) at the ABC Store.

Tracy Jordan TJ Pendant T-Shirt Even if you haven’t achieved the almighty EGOT status, you can still match Tracy Jordan’s swagger with this blinged-out t-shirt. Take it from a proud owner of this shirt, people on the street certainly do look at you differently.

Mad Men Barbie Dolls If you want to reenact Mad Men’s hot-blooded office politics and smoldering trysts, now you can, with these miniature versions of the main characters which are not creepy at all. But I don’t know how you’re going to find a pack of Lucky Strikes that are to scale.

Metal Dharma Signs If you’re working on transforming your living room into a Dharma hatch—buying Geronimo Jackson on vinyl, finding the right ping-pong table, keeping that pesky electromagnetic field under control—then these metal signs are a must-have. Unfortunately, the Dharma Initiative Alarm Clock seems to still be in the theoretical stages.

Lordy lordy, do I have a ton of news items to share. Let’s waste no time:

• Most excitingly, William Keck at TV Guide reports that Terry O’Quinn (Lost’s Locke) is pitching a series in which he and Michael Emerson (Ben) star as “suburban hit men juggling family issues.” My buddy Andy says he might not be able to see these Emmy-winners as anything other than their iconic Lost personas, but I think that we’ll eventually get accustomed to them portraying different characters. Eventually.
• And speaking of shedding past roles, SCI FI Wire tells us that James Callis (Battlestar Galactica’s Gaius Baltar) has joined the cast of FlashForward and will appear in this season’s last handful of episodes. The fate-defying drama returns March 18 for an uninterrupted run of 13 installments.
• Nip/Tuck’s series finale airs on Wednesday, which means I really have to make haste to catch up. (I’m not sorry it’s leaving the airwaves, though—I loved it a few seasons ago, it’s past its expiration date now.)
• A Washington middle-schooler was given detention for what, to my mind, was a pretty well-placed utterance of The Office’s catchphrase “That’s what she said.”
• FOX’s Past Life, a show which looked terrible just from the previews (and also bumped Fringe off the air for a while), has been axed after three episodes. But series lead Kelli Giddish, who was apparently one of the show’s redeeming qualities, was promptly hired for Jerry Bruckheimer’s U.S. Marshall pilot for NBC, Chase. What with a show premiere, a show cancellation, and a new job, it has been a climactic February for her.
• E! Online revealed that Ellie Kemper, a.k.a. new hire Erin on The Office, was a student at a St. Louis High School where her drama teacher was none other than Mad Men’s Jon Hamm. She said: ”He taught me drama work, mostly improvisation, which I did a lot of in college and in New York. It’s my favorite thing to do.” And he said: “It’s really cool to see [former students] blossom and find their own way in.”
• BuddyTV has a list of five reasons why Heroes should be cancelled, including a pretty damning line graph of the show’s bombing ratings. I agree with most of the reasons, but the last reason is that cancellation is the only way to avoid disappointment. I think it’s too late for that. It’s already disappointing, considering how the show squandered the promise it held during its first season. I’m way behind on the show and unsure whether to even continue. In related news, star Adrian Pasdar was charged with DUI this month.
• Remember when I told you that NBC’s Trauma had been cancelled? It lives! To help fill the void left in the wake of the Jay Leno failure, NBC has resurrected the show. If you’re interested, it returns on March 8.
• Speaking of Leno, he returns to The Tonight Show next Monday, using a renovated version of his set for The Jay Leno Show (and not the impressive Tonight set that Conan used). As strong as my distaste for Leno is, I’ll watch to see his Olympic guests: Lindsey Vonn on Monday, Shaun White on Tuesday, and Apolo Ohno on Wednesday.
• More movie stars are migrating to TV. Matthew Broderick will star in NBC comedy Beach Lane, in which he’ll play an author hired to work for a Hamptons newspaper. (Promisingly, Lorne Michaels is producing.) And Virginia Madsen (Sideways) will lead ABC’s comedic drama Scoundrels, in which she’ll play a mother in a family of crooks who decide to live a life of lawfulness. Based on the New Zealand show Outrageous Fortune, the adaptation was developed a couple of seasons ago under the name Good Behavior with Catherine O’Hara and Kristen Bell attached.
• The fifth season of Friday Night Lights will be its last. But the fourth season hasn’t even aired on NBC yet—only on DirecTV. So Dillon devotees still have two seasons to enjoy before the show bows out.
• Longtime Top Chef judge Gail Simmons—who also works for Food & Wine—will be the host of spin-off Top Chef: Just Desserts.
• NBC’s version of BBC hit Prime Suspect is on hold while the network searches for a suitable star. Considering the original star was Helen Mirren, that’s a tall order.
• Also, director Roland Emmerich says that 2013, his follow-up to blockbuster disaster flick 2012, isn’t likely to make it to air because of budget constraints. Even though the movie was terrible (or so-terrible-it’s-actually-awesome), the series sounded interesting. It would have focused on the efforts to rebuild a human civilization in Africa. I mentioned last post how much I appreciate it when shows film on location, and it would have been awesome for an American series to have been filmed in Africa. (That’s part of the reason why the TV movie 24: Redemption was so effective for me.)
• Speaking of 24 (and boy, do I love smooth segues!), the feature film is apparently back on. Screenwriter Billy Ray—who wrote State of Play and Shattered Glass—will take Jack Bauer to London. But the timing of the production depends on whether or not the TV series gets another season, which FOX has yet to determine.
• To the surprise of just about no one, Charlie Sheen is back in rehab, so you Two and Half Men might be out of luck later this season if CBS runs out of episodes to air.
• PBS and BBC are planning another Sherlock Holmes series with Benedict Cumberbatch (Atonement) as the deerstalker-wearing detective. And, in what I consider inspired casting, Martin Freeman (who had the “Jim” role of Tim in the U.K. version of The Office) will co-star as Watson.
• Happily, First Lady Michelle Obama invited the cast of Glee to perform at the White House for the White House Easter Egg Roll on April 5, and the producers of the show shuffled up the show’s filming schedule to accommodate her request. As Lea Michele belted out during her bravura “Maybe This Time” duet with Kristin Chenoweth, “It’s gonna happen!”
• And finally, to honor the Olympics (or, more specifically, the television coverage of same), here is an amazing photo of Bob Costas atop a stuffed moose with Stephen Colbert looking on.

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2’s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.

Here are the latest news items from the idiot-box world:

• Lost finally has a return date—the final season will premiere with a two-hour installment on Tuesday, February 2, at 9/8c on ABC.
• Chuck’s return date was also announced today. The action-comedy will return with two episodes on Sunday, January 10, and then another one the following night as it settles into its normal timeslot of Mondays at 8/7c. The show was on the brink of cancellation this past spring until fans rallied to show their support. NBC gave the show another vote of confidence a few weeks ago when it upped its order from 13 episodes to 19.
• ABC has released some neat-o promo images for V showing the Visitors’ motherships hovering above the world’s metropolitan centers. One is shown above, and you can view the rest at io9.
• Just as I was wondering where Smallville actor Sam Jones, III has been all this time, here comes the news that the guy has been arrested and charged with conspiring to sell 10,000 Oxycodone pills. Bad for him, but good for my web traffic. Thanks, Sam!
• Cop drama Southland, a show NBC cancelled before its second season had premiered, has been resurrected by TNT. The new season will premiere on Tuesday, January 12, at 10/9c.
• Oprah Winfrey will announce tomorrow that The Oprah Winfrey Show will end after its 2010-2011 season. She currently has a deal in place with Discovery Communications to turn Discovery Health Channel into OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network.
• Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, seen sharing the screen last season on 30 Rock, will co-host next year’s Academy Awards ceremony. Other celebs considered for the emcee gig include Tina Fey, Ben Stiller, and Robert Downey, Jr.
• In other hosting news, Ricky Gervais will finally get his moment in the award-show spotlight when he hosts next year’s Golden Globes. Gervais, the creator and star of the UK version of The Office, has been a mainstay at the recent Oscar and Emmy ceremonies and always has the crowd in stitches.
• Bravo has announced another season of Top Chef Masters along with another spinoff Top Chef: Just Desserts (which I’m a little skeptical of). And Top Chef Junior is apparently still in development.
• Since my last news brief, Trauma, Eastwick, Hank have all been cancelled. But the most tragic axing of them all was Dollhouse. (Expect a write-up soon.)
• For whatever reason, The Weather Channel has decided to air movies on Friday nights. The selections range from the understandable (The Perfect Storm) to the unexplainable (Deep Blue Sea). I know; I don’t get it either.

The Emmys snuck up on me this year, but ever since I learned that the ceremony was tonight, my plans were set. (That said, an hour’s intermission for Mad Men might be in order.) I’m not predicting the winners here, mind you, but stating who I’m rooting for. I haven’t seen all of the nominated shows and performances, but from what I have seen, here are my picks for some of the top categories:

Outstanding Drama Series
Breaking Bad

No other show in the category is under-subscribed as this one, and yet it’s one of the most nuanced, emotionally profound series on television. It would be a real coup if it won.

Outstanding Comedy Series
30 Rock

From Oprah hallucinations to Night Court reunions to Muppets in space to Salma Hayek saying “coco for cuckoo poops,” this show continues to outdo itself season after season.

Outstanding Lead Actor – Drama Series
Jon Hamm (Mad Men)

…for a man who makes being emotionally distant look so cool. A furrowed eyebrow is the biggest response you’ll get out of him.

Outstanding Lead Actress – Drama Series
Glenn Close (Damages)

…for being alternately—and believably—vulnerable and terrifying. (And when I say terrifying, I mean she’s almost as scary as her character in Fatal Attraction.)

Outstanding Lead Actor – Comedy Series
Steve Carell (The Office)

Emmy voters love characters with moral ambiguity, and you can never tell of how much of his own assholiness Michael Scott is aware. Plus, this is Carell’s fourth consecutive nomination in this category. Clearly he’s doing something right!

Outstanding Lead Actress – Comedy Series
Christina Applegate (Samantha Who?)

If we can’t have Samantha Who? on our screens, we should at least honor the star, whose performance of the sunny, optimistic Samantha made losing one’s memory almost look like fun.

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Drama Series
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)

A win for him seems like a long shot, but Aaron Paul’s performance won me over this year. He made an imbecilic druggie a character you can root for—and feel for during the devastating conclusion to the season.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Drama Series
Chandra Wilson (Grey’s Anatomy)

Bailey is the most rational, sage character in a hospital brimming with angst and impulsive behavior, even when her own life is imploding. Besides, this is Wilson’s fourth consecutive nomination in this category. Clearly she’s doing something right!

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Comedy Series
Tracy Morgan (30 Rock)

…simply or making Tracy Jordan the craziest person you’d ever want to be your best friend.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Comedy Series
Kristin Chenoweth (Pushing Daisies)

How is so much talent contained in such a tiny lady? I have no idea, but her portrayal as the hopelessly-devoted Olive Snook almost makes you want to break up Ned and Chuck. Almost.

Outstanding Reality Competition Program
Top Chef

…for being one of the classiest, most respectable reality shows on the air, and for making us all want to become food savants.

]]> http://primetimely.com/2009/09/2009-emmys-my-winners/feed/ 1 http://primetimely.com/2009/09/completist-destiny/ http://primetimely.com/2009/09/completist-destiny/#comments Fri, 04 Sep 2009 22:52:08 +0000 Dan Clarendon http://primetimely.com/?p=185

Completist Destiny, as defined by Wikipedia, is the belief that a television addict such as myself is destined—nay, divinely ordained—to watch a series completely and completely chronologically. Fine, I admit: that might just be a dogma of my own creation. But I stick to it. (This is where you, in solidarity, shout, “Leave no episode behind!”)

Of course, I have to compromise sometimes, like when networks boneheadedly air episodes out of order, or when I’m watching TV with someone who’s not as obsessive-compulsive devoted to the intended chronology as I am.

Anyway, I was thinking today about the series I’ve watched in their entireties—i.e. series for which I’ve seen every episode made available. Here they all are, from the most prolific to the shortest-lived… and even the ones I’m not so proud I watched!

• The X-Files (205 episodes)
• Dawson’s Creek (128 episodes)
• Alias (105 episodes)
• Battlestar Galactica (78 episodes)
• Veronica Mars (64 episodes)
• Roswell (61 episodes)
• Samantha Who? (35 episodes)
• Eli Stone (26 episodes)
• Summerland (26 episodes)
• Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (22 episodes)
• Aliens in America (18 episodes)
• Worst Week (16 episodes)
• The Office (U.K. version, 14 episodes)
• Kings (13 episodes)
• Miss/Guided (7 episodes)

Any show that I’ve watched that is not included on this list is a show that I’m still in the middle of, a show that I’ve given up on, or one of the (few) shows that I only watch occasionally.

The sad truth is that very few of these shows ended of the producers’ own accord; far too many were axed. And some of them aren’t even available on DVD for future enjoyment.

I’ll update this list periodically as I polish off more shows, starting with my dearly-beloved Pushing Daisies, for which I only have one more episode. (And parting is hardly ever such sweet sorrow.)

Edits:

• Pushing Daisies (22 episodes, finished 9/12/09)
• Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (31 episodes, finished 9/16/09)
• Dollhouse (26 episodes, finished 1/29/10)
• Nip/Tuck (100 episodes, finished 3/30/10)
• Ugly Betty (85 episodes, finished 4/15/10)
• Lost (121 episodes, finished 5/23/10)
• 24 (193 episodes, finished 5/24/10)
• FlashForward (22 episodes, finished 6/12/10)

The following post was originally published on my old blog on February 4, 2009.  Updates to this post are noted below.

Under some pretense of being an organized person (ha!), I keep a very meticulous list of the episodes I have yet to see for all the shows I follow. And I’ve noticed definite trends regarding my level of addiction to certain shows—or the lack thereof—as shown in the following categories. (I should point out that this is nowhere near a comprehensive list!)

Must-See TV I want to see it, and I want to see it now.

• Battlestar Galactica
• Lost
• 30 Rock
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Chuck

Will-See TV I love it, but I might be a few episodes behind.

• 24
• Heroes (Update: Lo, how the mighty Heroes has fallen.)
• Mad Men
• Damages
• Californication

Might-See TV I’ve liked what I’ve seen, but I have a serious backlog.

• Pushing Daisies
• Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
• True Blood (Update: The more I watch this, the more I love it.)

Should-See TV I know, I know, I have to watch it. So you keep telling me!

• The Wire
• Friends
• Friday Night Lights
• The Office (Update: I got caught up in April, and this is must-see TV now.)

Won’t-See TV No, thank you.

• CSI
• NCIS
• Law & Order
• American Idol