or, A Television-Related Word Association Experiment With the Love of My Life

Here’s a list of every current show I watch, and my boyfriend’s instant reaction to each.

• 30 Rock “Oh, Tina Fey…” (smiles)
• American Horror Story ”Thrills me.”
• Boardwalk Empire “Costumes…”
• Breaking Bad “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t know.  Come back to me with that one.”
• Burn Notice “Never saw it… oh, but that guy is hot.”
• Californication “Gah… can’t get into it… but I want to.”
• Community “Growing on me.”
• Cougar Town “Stupid.”
• Covert Affairs “Oh, Piper Peek-a-boo.  That’s what my dad calls her… looks pretty stupid, though.  It looks like a dumbed-down Alias, if Alias could be any dumber.”
• Curb Your Enthusiasm ”I hate Seinfeld.”
• Damages “I don’t know anything about that show.  What is that show?”
• Desperate Housewives ”Ugh… desperate.”
• Dexter “Love it.  Those cat eyes.”
• Fringe “Ugh… it has that guy from Dawson’s Creek.”
• Glee “Oh, I love Lea Michele.  Oh!  Mercedes!  What’s her name in real life?”
• Gossip Girl “Ed. Westwick. Two words.”
• Grey’s Anatomy (gags ) “Menopause.”
• Justified “I wanna watch that.  It has that guy with the French last name that sounds like ‘elephant.’ E-le-phant.  You should use those French accents.”
• Louie “Say that again?”
• Mad Men (sighs) “Upsets me.”
• Modern Family “Oh my god.  I could watch that all day.”
• Nikita “Oh my god… the CW…”
• Once Upon a Time “I love Ginnifer Goodwin.  Godwin.  Goodwin.”
• Parenthood “I adore that show.”
• Parks and Recreation (smiles admiringly and shrugs)
• Private Practice “Ugh… keep it private.”
• Raising Hope “Babies.”
• Revenge “Oh, that’s the girl I’m gonna see soon in ‘Bros and Hos’ [our nickname for Brothers and Sisters].  Living in the Hamptons is so nice.  Except I hate those people.”
• So You Think You Can Dance “The judges really think they can talk”
• The A-List: New York “Not a list I want to be a part of.  Not ‘a list‘.” (laughs)
• The Buried Life “Oh.  That’s like a bucket list for adult people.  Or, or for kids.  I do want to watch that.”
• The Glee Project ”I really hated those kids.  And I did not like the results.”
• The Good Wife “Always hesitant to start, but I love it by the end.  That Kalinda: she can seduce everyone, and she’s really not that hot.  But she’s cunning.  She’s kind of like an animal actually.  Don’t you think so?  She just kinda fills her animalistic needs.”
• The Office “Ugh… never got into it.  I love Steve Carrell.  And I love that British dude who insults everyone.”
• The Sing-Off  “Nick Lachey is a really dumb host.”
• The Voice ”Oh, we were on that.”
• The Walking Dead “I really don’t like anything that has to do with zombies, except for 28 Days Later.”
• True Blood “Oh my god.  ’Sookie.’  That is also one of the first shows to make a gay person of color a main character, and in a really positive way.  People respect him.”
• Top Chef  “My dream career.  That show tantalizes me.  That shows tantalizes my every vittle.” (laughs)  ”What do you want for dinner tonight?”

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It’s been months and months since my last blog post. And in that time span, the Emmys broadcast came and went, uncommented on—until now! Yes, though it may be ridiculously belated, I’m here to opine, ruminate, and wax poetic on all things Emmy. Hey, at least I’m doing so before next year’s broadcast…

• Even though the opening number didn’t wow me (until the Mad Men bit, that is), I still think Jane Lynch made for a fine Emmy host, and I hope the producers continue to make unexpected choices for the hosting gig for future ceremonies.
• All hail Modern Family. Not only was it chosen as Outstanding Comedy Series, but Phil and Claire Dunphy themselves, Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen, were chosen as the comedy world’s best supporting actor and actress. Plus, the show also took home awards for its writing and directing.
• That said, I could have used some more Parks and Recreation lovin’, since that show jockeys in my mind with Modern Family for the best comedy on TV right now.
• I loved Melissa McCarthy on Samantha Who? (and I hear she was just as lovable in Gilmore Girls), and now she’s finally getting her moment in the sun, what with a scene-stealing turn in Bridesmaids, Emmy gold for Mike & Molly, and a recent critically-adored hosting job on SNL.
• Still haven’t watched The Big Bang Theory, but congrats to Jim Parsons nonetheless for nabbing Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series. I’d be eager to watch, but I just have too much television on my plate.
• Once again, The Daily Show is hailed as the best of all variety, music, and comedy series—and I feel shameful that I haven’t even gone to see a live taping here in New York.
• It was hugely gratifying to see Margo Martindale win for her role as Mama on the criminally-underrated Justified. And I’d nominate Mama’s “apple pie” in Most Tantalizing Moonshine category.
• It seems like fans of Friday Night Lights bemoan its lack of attention, so I felt some vicarious vindication when Kyle Chandler won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series. Still, I was rooting for Justified‘s Timothy Olyphant…
• Julianna Margulies? Love her. Love everything about her. Love The Good Wife. Yep.
• As much as I enjoy The Amazing Race, I think that Top Chef put up a better season this year. Both shows brought back former “also-ran” contestants to compete again this season, but Top Chef‘s contest was just more engaging.
• Much as I enjoy Grey’s Anatomy (discounting the fact that I get paid to enjoy it), I do think that Loretta Divine deserved the show’s one and only acting nomination, and I’m tickled that she won it, because this scene is definitely Emmy material.
• When I saw Kate Winslet in the audience, I assumed she was just there for show. Then I remembered (and then she won for) her role in HBO’s Mildred Pierce miniseries. And that’s great, because she’s just so freakin’ likable.
• Much as I love Mad Men, I found myself a little dismayed that it won this year again. Seems to me that any of the other four shows (Dexter, The Good Wife, Friday Night Lights, Game of Thrones) would be just as worthy. Is Mad Men Fatigue possible? And if so, is it justifiable? I guess it’s a high-class problem to be tired of a show being consistently excellent.
• Most pressingly, when the hell will I be recognized by the Emmy voters for Outstanding if Infrequent Television Blogger or Outstanding if Overconfident Talent for an Unproduced Television Writer?

It’s often hard to remember all of the television I watch every year, but some episodes make themselves impossible to forget. The following hours or half-hours of television were exemplary in some way, whether it was for the writing or the direction of the episode; for the way they ended seasons or, in some cases, entire series; for their plots or subplots; for the emotional toll they took on the viewer; for the way they broke the mold and parted with tradition; or sometimes for just one scene or performance in particular.

1. Lost “The End” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for providing an unexpected, moving, and controversial finale sure to keep fans talking, dissecting, and criticizing for years to come.
2. Grey’s Anatomy “Sanctuary/Death and All His Friends”
   … for the tensest, most emotionally-draining two hours of television this year.
3. Breaking Bad “Half Measures”
   … for the brutal, game-changing last thirty seconds alone.
4. Mad Men “The Suitcase”
   … for the most finely-written “bottle episode” I’ve ever seen.
5. Lost “The Candidate”
   … for being the first television episode to actually elicit tears.
6. 24 “Day 8: 2:00 PM-3:00 PM/Day 8: 3:00 PM-4:00 PM”
   … for finally letting Jack Bauer run off into the sunset (even if he is doing so under duress) after a tender moment with Chloe
7. Fringe “Over There” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for smashing the two snowglobes—the two universes—together, and in so doing, kick-starting a powerful season to come.
8. The Buried Life “Make a Million Dollars” (Parts 1 & 2)
   … for the guys’ dogged persistence and cheerful optimism in the face of their most challenging task yet.
9. Glee “The Substitute”
   … for Gwyneth Paltrow’s bravura performance as the goofy Holly Holliday.
10. Dollhouse “Epitaph Two”
    … for providing an epic, post-apocalyptic finale, while still being a love letter to the fans jilted by the show’s cancellation.
11. Private Practice “Did You Hear What Happened to Charlotte King”
    … for not dwelling on the rape so much as the physical and psychological aftereffects.
12. Breaking Bad “Full Measure”
    … for ending another stellar season with more narrative propulsion than any other third-season finale
13. Modern Family “Family Portrait”
    … for the scene of Mitchell attacking the pigeon in slow-motion to the sound of Cam’s rendition of “Ave Maria.”
14. Mad Men “Public Relations”
    … for showing the chinks in Don’s well-groomed armor that will lead to his season-long descent.
15. Community “Modern Warfare”
    … for making a paintball game into a riotous send-up of action movies and for letting Jeff and Britta act on—and purge—their romantic tension.
16. The Walking Dead “Wildfire”
    … for the horrific aftermath of the zombie incursion on the camp and for the survivors’ foray into the wilds of downtown Atlanta.
17. So You Think You Can Dance “Meet the Top 11″
    … for the humility of Kent Boyd’s impassioned speech and for the jubilation of the finalists and their family upon hearing the good news.
18. Justified “Blind Spot”
    … for Raylan’s chickens coming home to roost in regards to his relationship with Ava, for his intensifying verbal sparring with Boyd, and for the introduction of the Crowder patriarch, Bo.
19. Damages “The Next One’s Going In Your Throat”
    … for efficiently connecting all the dots laid out in the third season in a devastating and thrilling finale.
20. The Good Wife “Hi”
    … for the triumphant scene in which Daniel and Kalinda cleverly win Peter a retrial.

Honorable mentions: Parks and Recreation “Telethon”; The Good Wife “Running”; Modern Family “Fears”; Glee “Grilled Cheesus”; Cougar Town “When the Time Comes”; Fringe “Entrada”; Top Chef “History Never Repeats”; The Office “Andy’s Play”; Lost “LA X”; Breaking Bad “Sunset”; Justified “Bulletville”; Breaking Bad “One Minute”; Grey’s Anatomy “These Arms of Mine”; Modern Family “Strangers on a Treadmill”; Modern Family “Starry Night”; The Buried Life “Get Married in Vegas”; 30 Rock “When It Rains, It Pours”; Glee “Furt”

Television news and scoop, right off the grill:

• The next season of Dexter will feature laudable thespians Julia Stiles (Save the Last Dance) and Jonny Lee Miller (Trainspotting, Eli Stone).
• A failed FOX pilot was rescued by A&E: the cable network ordered 13 episodes of Breakout Kings, a drama about an unlikely alliance between U.S. Marshalls and ex-cons.
• Mystery Science Theater 3000, a 90s-era show that lovingly lambasted terrible B-movies with snarky commentary, now has installments available for viewing on Hulu—with movies like Secret Agent Super Dragon, Giant Gila Monster, and Horrors of Spider Island.
• David Strathairn—star of Good Night, and Good Luck and recent Emmy winner for his work on Temple Grandin—has been cast in a new Syfy series called Alphas about crime-fighters imbued with superhuman abilities.
• And Syfy’s new series Three Inches—a show about crime-fighters imbued with slightly-less-super-human abilities—has found its leading man in James Marsters of Buffy and Caprica fame.
• Cable network Oxygen has acquired the syndication rights for Glee and will start airing reruns in 2013. On top of that, the network is also mulling over the idea of a reality-competition show centered around the show.
• Frodo himself—a.k.a. Elijah Wood—will star in an FX comedy series called Wilfred about a man and his (titular) dog, who is “part Labrador retriever and part Russell Crowe on a bender.”
• And in other FX comedy news, Michael Cera (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Arrested Development) and web-series-auteur Derek Waters are developing a series for the network entitled 13th Grade, about a high-school graduate who refuses to mature.
• Anakin Skywalker himself—a.k.a. Hayden Christensen—has sued USA Network, claiming that the idea for their hit show Royal Pains was based on a pitch he and his brother tried to sell to the network.
• Ronald D. Moore, the man half-responsible for re-imagining Battlestar Galactica, is taking his talents to NBC, where he’s developing a drama described as an “adult Harry Potter.”
• And for those of us who are still hungry for more Battlestar Galactica—and not for a reboot movie franchise starring Justin Timberlake—Syfy will produce an online series called Blood & Chrome about Bill Adama and his perils during First Cylon War.
• Brothers & Sisters spoiler alert! Emily VanCamp is leaving the show and will only appear in a few episodes next season. She tells Michael Ausiello that she thinks Rebecca has “run her course” on the show.
• Lie to Me spoiler alert! Mekhi Pfifer is exiting the show for narrative reasons: the story will see the Lightman Group end its relationship with the FBI.
• An HBO pilot called Miraculous Year has lined up some serious star-power. The story focuses on a Broadway composer whose brashness and bad behavior affects both his family and the show he’s trying to put on. The cast includes Norbert Leo Butz (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels on Broadway), Susan Sarandon (Thelma & Louise), Hope Davis (American Splendor), Lee Pace (Pushing Daisies), Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon), Eddie Redmayne (Red on Broadway), and Patti Lupone (Evita on Broadway).
• AMC’s latest pilot is Hell on Wheels, a western revolving around the building of the Transcontinental Railroad, and it stars rapper Common as a half-black, half-white freed slave.
• The updated version of The Rockford Files starring Dermot Mulroney seemed hot this pilot season but then fizzled fast, and now Michael Ausiello reports that Josh Holloway (Sawyer on Lost) is being considered to take over the lead role.
• FOX has decreed that the exciting prehistoric action/drama Terra Nova, produced by Steven Spielberg, will premiere next fall instead of midseason. Patience, friends! (And the other news of note about Terra Nova is that it will film in Australia.)
• But you can see another Spielberg-produced drama earlier. Alien-invasion-themed Falling Skies—starring Noah Wyle (ER) and Moon Bloodgood (Journeyman)—will premiere on TNT next summer, and i09 has a gallery of promotional photos. Post-apocalyptic fun!
• Glee creator Ryan Murphy has announced that he’s developing a musical TV series that will star Kristin Chenoweth, who was nominated for an Emmy for her guest turn last season on the show. But this spin-off will be unrelated to Glee and closer in tone to Murphy’s previous creation, Nip/Tuck.
• And speaking of Glee, television comedy legend Carol Burnett has been cast as Sue Sylvester’s mom.
• And speaking of Sue Sylvester, Jane Lynch will host Saturday Night Live on October 9th.
• Entourage is finally drawing to a close. Next season will be the final bow and will probably consist of six episodes. But a feature film may follow, said HBO programming co-president Michael Lombardo.
• Rumors are circulating that the next season of Top Chef will be an all-star season, especially since previous contestants have been spotted with camera crews in New York City.
• And finally, please enjoy this awesome (and only slightly annoying) musical tribute to brilliant-but-cancelled shows.

If you’re a diehard fan of a show, you can proclaim your love loud and proud with your standard t-shirt bearing the show’s logo. But sometimes, you want merchandise that’s a bit less conventional. Maybe a bit less straightforward. Maybe a bit more of an insider-y reference. For such occasions, I recommend the following items.

Merlotte’s Neon Sign The perfect accompaniment for your bar/liquor cabinet/Tru Blood cooler, this neon sign harks back to the favorite watering hole of Bon Temps, Louisiana. If you’re more the fangbanger type, a Fangtasia sign is also available, and it’s only a matter of time before we see a Lou Pine’s variant.

The Office Sign Not much ambiguity here, but this door sign is highly emblematic of the show. The Office has one of the most bountiful online stores, with hundreds of items available. If you want to continue making your home resemble the Dunder Mifflin workplace, you can also get personalized name plates, reprints of Pam’s artwork, and bobbleheads of almost all the employees.

Top Chef Logo Jacket What better way to say “I’m not your bitch, bitch” than to don this jacket and tell all who enter the kitchen that you mean business. Food—instantly better. Atmosphere—instantly more intimidating. Of course, to complete the look, you also need the Top Chef pants, the Top Chef apron, the Top Chef oven mitt, and the Top Chef knives. (And no one’s gonna tell you to pack them and go.)

Jeffster Poster Promote the Buy More’s homegrown cover band by purchasing this poster, sporting the trademark coifs of the Nerd-Herders-cum-rockstars Jeff and Lester. Let everyone know you support the arts, dubious as they may be.

Lost Prints When graphic designer Ty Mattson wanted to craft invitations to his Lost viewing party, he created eight Saul-Bass-esque works of art, each iconic of a specific aspect of the show. Two are available for purchase as prints (and as t-shirts and even skateboards) at the ABC Store.

Tracy Jordan TJ Pendant T-Shirt Even if you haven’t achieved the almighty EGOT status, you can still match Tracy Jordan’s swagger with this blinged-out t-shirt. Take it from a proud owner of this shirt, people on the street certainly do look at you differently.

Mad Men Barbie Dolls If you want to reenact Mad Men’s hot-blooded office politics and smoldering trysts, now you can, with these miniature versions of the main characters which are not creepy at all. But I don’t know how you’re going to find a pack of Lucky Strikes that are to scale.

Metal Dharma Signs If you’re working on transforming your living room into a Dharma hatch—buying Geronimo Jackson on vinyl, finding the right ping-pong table, keeping that pesky electromagnetic field under control—then these metal signs are a must-have. Unfortunately, the Dharma Initiative Alarm Clock seems to still be in the theoretical stages.

Lordy lordy, do I have a ton of news items to share. Let’s waste no time:

• Most excitingly, William Keck at TV Guide reports that Terry O’Quinn (Lost‘s Locke) is pitching a series in which he and Michael Emerson (Ben) star as “suburban hit men juggling family issues.” My buddy Andy says he might not be able to see these Emmy-winners as anything other than their iconic Lost personas, but I think that we’ll eventually get accustomed to them portraying different characters. Eventually.
• And speaking of shedding past roles, SCI FI Wire tells us that James Callis (Battlestar Galactica‘s Gaius Baltar) has joined the cast of FlashForward and will appear in this season’s last handful of episodes. The fate-defying drama returns March 18 for an uninterrupted run of 13 installments.
• Nip/Tuck‘s series finale airs on Wednesday, which means I really have to make haste to catch up. (I’m not sorry it’s leaving the airwaves, though—I loved it a few seasons ago, it’s past its expiration date now.)
• A Washington middle-schooler was given detention for what, to my mind, was a pretty well-placed utterance of The Office‘s catchphrase “That’s what she said.”
• FOX’s Past Life, a show which looked terrible just from the previews (and also bumped Fringe off the air for a while), has been axed after three episodes. But series lead Kelli Giddish, who was apparently one of the show’s redeeming qualities, was promptly hired for Jerry Bruckheimer’s U.S. Marshall pilot for NBC, Chase. What with a show premiere, a show cancellation, and a new job, it has been a climactic February for her.
• E! Online revealed that Ellie Kemper, a.k.a. new hire Erin on The Office, was a student at a St. Louis High School where her drama teacher was none other than Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm. She said: ”He taught me drama work, mostly improvisation, which I did a lot of in college and in New York. It’s my favorite thing to do.” And he said: “It’s really cool to see [former students] blossom and find their own way in.”
• BuddyTV has a list of five reasons why Heroes should be cancelled, including a pretty damning line graph of the show’s bombing ratings. I agree with most of the reasons, but the last reason is that cancellation is the only way to avoid disappointment. I think it’s too late for that. It’s already disappointing, considering how the show squandered the promise it held during its first season. I’m way behind on the show and unsure whether to even continue. In related news, star Adrian Pasdar was charged with DUI this month.
• Remember when I told you that NBC’s Trauma had been cancelled? It lives! To help fill the void left in the wake of the Jay Leno failure, NBC has resurrected the show. If you’re interested, it returns on March 8.
• Speaking of Leno, he returns to The Tonight Show next Monday, using a renovated version of his set for The Jay Leno Show (and not the impressive Tonight set that Conan used). As strong as my distaste for Leno is, I’ll watch to see his Olympic guests: Lindsey Vonn on Monday, Shaun White on Tuesday, and Apolo Ohno on Wednesday.
• More movie stars are migrating to TV. Matthew Broderick will star in NBC comedy Beach Lane, in which he’ll play an author hired to work for a Hamptons newspaper. (Promisingly, Lorne Michaels is producing.) And Virginia Madsen (Sideways) will lead ABC’s comedic drama Scoundrels, in which she’ll play a mother in a family of crooks who decide to live a life of lawfulness. Based on the New Zealand show Outrageous Fortune, the adaptation was developed a couple of seasons ago under the name Good Behavior with Catherine O’Hara and Kristen Bell attached.
• The fifth season of Friday Night Lights will be its last. But the fourth season hasn’t even aired on NBC yet—only on DirecTV. So Dillon devotees still have two seasons to enjoy before the show bows out.
• Longtime Top Chef judge Gail Simmons—who also works for Food & Wine—will be the host of spin-off Top Chef: Just Desserts.
• NBC’s version of BBC hit Prime Suspect is on hold while the network searches for a suitable star. Considering the original star was Helen Mirren, that’s a tall order.
• Also, director Roland Emmerich says that 2013, his follow-up to blockbuster disaster flick 2012, isn’t likely to make it to air because of budget constraints. Even though the movie was terrible (or so-terrible-it’s-actually-awesome), the series sounded interesting. It would have focused on the efforts to rebuild a human civilization in Africa. I mentioned last post how much I appreciate it when shows film on location, and it would have been awesome for an American series to have been filmed in Africa. (That’s part of the reason why the TV movie 24: Redemption was so effective for me.)
• Speaking of 24 (and boy, do I love smooth segues!), the feature film is apparently back on. Screenwriter Billy Ray—who wrote State of Play and Shattered Glass—will take Jack Bauer to London. But the timing of the production depends on whether or not the TV series gets another season, which FOX has yet to determine.
• To the surprise of just about no one, Charlie Sheen is back in rehab, so you Two and Half Men might be out of luck later this season if CBS runs out of episodes to air.
• PBS and BBC are planning another Sherlock Holmes series with Benedict Cumberbatch (Atonement) as the deerstalker-wearing detective. And, in what I consider inspired casting, Martin Freeman (who had the “Jim” role of Tim in the U.K. version of The Office) will co-star as Watson.
• Happily, First Lady Michelle Obama invited the cast of Glee to perform at the White House for the White House Easter Egg Roll on April 5, and the producers of the show shuffled up the show’s filming schedule to accommodate her request. As Lea Michele belted out during her bravura “Maybe This Time” duet with Kristin Chenoweth, “It’s gonna happen!”
• And finally, to honor the Olympics (or, more specifically, the television coverage of same), here is an amazing photo of Bob Costas atop a stuffed moose with Stephen Colbert looking on.

Aloha, dear TV junkies.  I may be on vacation, but thanks to some coffeshop wi-fi, I’m still able to update this here blog with cinnamon-bun-sticky fingers.  Surely you didn’t think I’d forgotten about honoring the best small-screen moments of 2009!  Listed below are my favorite episodes across the airwaves from all of last year.  Is the list comprehensive?  Maybe not.  Does the order tend to be arbitrary?  Perhaps.  But still, I believe this to be a pretty good representation of 2009′s highlights.  Writers and directors of the below episodes, I raise my iced-coffee cup to you.

1. Battlestar Galactica “Daybreak, Part 2″  No matter if you loved the end or hated it, the final two hours of this show boldly went where no show has gone before. A catastrophic first hour was followed by a contemplative second. The epic space saga went out with a bang and then a whisper.
2. Mad Men “Shut the Door, Have a Seat”  After an intense season of smoldering interpersonal drama, this episode was one of the most light-hearted and cathartic. In the vaguest terms I can use, Don closed some doors and opened others. He reinvented himself, and the show was reborn anew.
3. Breaking Bad “Phoenix”  Often the penultimate episode of a season is just as climactic as the finale, as proven by Breaking Bad. Without spoiling anything, it was Walter White’s inaction during a gut-wrenching dilemma that made this episode so powerful.
4. Glee “Sectionals”  Between Mercedes’s powerful “And I Am Telling You” rendition, Rachel’s “Don’t Rain on My Parade” showstopper, and the club’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” dedication, the musical numbers in this fall finale were brilliant enough to tide us over until the show’s return in spring.
5. 30 Rock “Apollo, Apollo”  It’s hard to top Jack Donaghy’s excitement-puking and Kenneth’s Muppet-vision, but what made this episode the best of its season was the Polish singles’ line commercial that a young Liz Lemon debased herself by appearing in. Remember, just call 1-800-OKFACE.
6. Dollhouse “Omega”  After the startling return of rogue-doll Alpha at the end of the preceding episode, this episode shows the making (read: programming) of a maniac. The Dollhouse made its bed, and now it might have to die in it!
7. Breaking Bad “Negro y Azul”  Any episode that starts with a mariachi band and ends with an exploding turtle surely deserves a spot high on this list.
8. Lost “Dead is Dead”  It’s Judgment Day for the conniving Benjamin Linus as “the Island” takes him on a painful trip down memory lane. By the end, his relinquishing of power leaves him impotent… and dangerously desperate.
9. Glee “Pilot”  FOX was so excited about this episode, the network aired it four months before the series even started. With the well-crafted song-and-dance numbers, the satirical commentary on the high school food chain, and the hilarious immaturity of the show’s adult characters, I could not stop believing that Glee would be a hit.
10. Grey’s Anatomy “Here’s to Future Days/Now or Never”  This show may be showing its age, but watching the end of this fifth-season finale was tantamount to mainlining adrenaline when the identity of the heroic (and doomed) John Doe was realized.
11. Californication “The Apartment”  A day of reckoning comes for Hank Moody when all the major players in his life coincidentally convene under one roof. In true farce-like fashion, he scrambles to accommodate his girlfriend, his mistresses, his mistress’s husband, his daughter, his best friend, a few random prostitutes, and Rick Springfield, all the while trying to keep his indiscretions under wraps.
12. Modern Family “Pilot”  The premise is simplistic—the daily travails of three families that are “nuclear” for the new millennium—but the writing and acting is refined. Oh, and the show happens to be hilarious. With this episode alone, this show skyrocketed to the elite of half-hour comedies.
13. So You Think You Can Dance “Top 20 Showcase”  This was an episode without missteps—just the top twenty competitors dancing in their own genres, resulting in routines that were almost unmatched by the rest of the season. (Almost.) What was otherwise a filler episode turned into the best hour of the season.
14. Fringe “There’s More Than One of Everything”  John Noble’s most impressive acting came when his character revisited the memories of a beach house with his son. And the alternate-reality story thread tangles as Olivia finds herself in the most improbable of locations in the ballsy cliffhanger.
15. Lost “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham”  At last, we discover how He Who Shall Be Named Jeremy Bentham died. Frustrated by his failure to get the gang back together and feeling spurned by destiny, he decides to take his own life. But his real cause of death, which we find out minutes later, is even darker.
16. Parks and Recreation “Beauty Pageant”  One of the first episodes of the season, this installment solidified Parks and Recreation’s status as suddenly brilliant. Example Leslie Knope line: “This [mural] depicts a famous fight between Reverend Bradley and Anna Beth Stevenson, widowed mother of seven. The original title of this was ‘A Lively Fisting.’ But, you know, they had to change it… for obvious reasons.”
17. Damages “Trust Me”  Flash-forwards as a narrative technique are a hot ticket right now, but Damages uses them in a brilliantly manipulative way, revealing a little more of certain scenes in each episode. And in “Trust Me,” all the cards are laid out in this punch-out ending to a gripping season.
18. True Blood “I Will Rise Up”  It started with an act of terrorism perpetrated by humans and ended with an act of tenderness by a human—Sookie Stackhouse—surprising the millennia-old Godric, who had seen the worst of our race’s behavior in his lifetime. Plus, this episode featured another dialogue gem from Lafayette: “I don’t know what you is, but I’m feelin’ you, and you a soulless bitch.”
19. Top Chef “Finale, Part 1″  No matter what you thought of this season’s winner (or even the order of the runners-up), all Top Chef viewers could agree that Keven, Jennifer, and the Voltaggios were the four best contenstants. And to see them duke it out in Napa Valley (aboard a moving train, no less) was a treat.
20. Lie to Me “The Core of It”  Like Parks and Recreation, this procedural drama also came back from its hiatus creatively reinvigorated. In this episode, Cal Lightman and his group have to contend with a murder witness with multiple personalities. Not only do they have to figure out which of her multiple personalities saw the crime, but they also have to find a way to trigger that personality. Guest star Erika Christiansen is scary-good as Sophie/Trisha/Jessie/RJ.

Note: The following post first appeared as an article by the same name in The Climax, Hampshire College’s newspaper. Also, some of these micro-reviews may exceed 140 characters—my bad!

I am a student of television. Writing television scripts is my Division III [a senior project, in Hampshire speak]. So I have no shame in the fact that I watch all of the shows below religiously. I study the craft, folks. That’s a lie—I am ashamed of some of them, but I’m feeling forthright in my fourth-year-ness. Anyway, I only assumed that I couldn’t review all my shows for The Climax before I graduate. And then it occurred to me: I could review each in 140 characters or less. (Arbitrary number, I swear.)

• 24 Some seasons fire on all cylinders, and some make you want to shoot yourself in the kneecap. But I’m still a fan of the Bauer Power Hour.
• 30 Rock Is Tina Fey God? Even if not, this show is in my pantheon. 22 Emmy nominations this year alone. What the what?
• The Amazing Race A competition show and a geography lesson all in one. Plus the race just looks like such a globetrotting thrill.
• Breaking Bad Brilliance you’ve likely never seen. Bryan Cranston (as a reluctant meth dealer) and Aaron Paul (as his witless lackey) are a wondrous team.
• Brothers & Sisters Created by playwright Jon Robin Baitz, powerful character drama pervades this series about the virtues and frustrations of family life.
• Burn Notice Ex-spy Michael Westen is a MacGyver for the new century. Plus he narrates his creative process! Plus Bruce Campbell plays the sidekick!
• Californication Man-child Hank Moody is David Duchovny’s (comedic) role of a lifetime. And the show featured Hampshire band Bubonic Souls last week.
• Chuck Put a self-described nerd in a world of government conspiracies and sexy secret agents, and hilarity ensues. Such a lovable show.
• Community A comedy about a community college study group that’s not quite up to snuff but getting better each week.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Schadenfreude at a fever pitch. Larry David is such an incorrigible ass, but you can’t help siding with him in all of his curmudgeonliness.
• Damages Vicious legal thriller with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne. Season 2′s powerhouse cast included William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, and Ted Danson.
• Desperate Housewives What do I have in common with middle-aged, lovelorn women? Uh, not much. But this show is still a fun look at the seediness of the suburbs.
• Dollhouse Engineered personalities, ethical perversions, and intense action make this (cancelled) show radically different. Well done, Joss Whedon.
• Entourage Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but still a comical insight into the biz and a testament to lifelong friendship. (“Lloyd!”)
• FlashForward An ambitious fate-vs.-free-will drama with a laudable cast. But can its premise sustain it for more than this season?
• Flashpoint This Canadian import, about a hostage negotiation team in Toronto, is edge-of-your-seat tense. Plus Veronica Mars’s dad is the lead!
• Fringe Like The X-Files, only with a more mind-warping mythology and the addition of one raving-mad, madly-funny scientist. Freaky good times had by all.
• Glee This high-school satire is so much fun, thanks to a stellar cast, its show-stopping covers of pop songs, and the incomparable Jane Lynch.
• The Good Wife What makes this legal drama intriguing is that the protagonist—played by Julianna Margulies—is the jilted wife of an adulterous politician.
• Gossip Girl Used to be a salacious indulgence. But they had to match everyone up in an endless cycle of hook-ups and break-ups. What a mess.
• Greek If Gossip Girl had a sharper, wittier, more accessible, yet less popular twin sister, her name would be Greek.
• Grey’s Anatomy Melodramatic, yes, but the relationship drama is sophisticated and smartly executed. But its hard to watch if you’re single, dammit!
• Heroes Holy Hiro, what the hell happened to this show? This once-great serial has suffered bloated storylines and botched mythology. Shut it down.
• Lost The most revolutionary show on this list, nay, of the decade. Season 5 was a creative resurgence that was so awesomely challenging to watch.
• Lie to Me An unconventional procedural drama that’s proven to be surprisingly un-formulaic. And Tim Roth doesn’t even have to use an American accent!
• Mad Men If you’re not in love with this elegant, introspective, and smoldering drama, you just haven’t seen enough of it.
• Men of a Certain Age Three old friends have midlife revelations. This show just started, but I like what I’ve seen. It’s like Garden State—plus twenty years.
• Modern Family Funniest new show of the season. Believe it.
• Nip/Tuck Not as deeply cutting as it was in its youth, but now it’s superficially fun and bat-shit crazy. Can’t complain too much.
• The Office Just when I think it has lost its mojo, it pulls a “Koi Pond” episode or “Subtle Sexuality” webisode to remind us all of its wit.
• Parks and Recreation Started off as an Office clone but came back roaring in its second season. Now it rivals its predecessor for laughs.
• Private Practice A spectacular cast and interesting storylines, but I still wish Addison would go back to Seattle Grace. Maybe everyone can go along!
• Project Runway I’m probably not the right demographic for this catty show, but who cares. I just hope Tim Gunn would approve of my wardrobe.
• Smallville Never “super” but never terrible, Smallville is reliable entertainment even after eight years. One of the only good things the CW can offer.
• So You Think You Can Dance The most legit and diverse dance competition. The talent gets more absurd each season. YouTube “Ellenore & Jakob – Contemporary” for proof.
• Top Chef In a world of hamburger reality shows, Top Chef is a filet mignon with escargot, grilled ramps, chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu—i.e. refined.
• Top Chef Masters The nation’s top chefs compete. Of course it’s good.
• True Blood I reviewed this show already this semester! Suffice it to say, it’s addictive.
• Ugly Betty In this refreshing comedic drama, Betty maintains a beautiful can-do spirit as she navigates the (hilariously) bitchy world of fashion.
• V This series about tensions between humans and alien “Visitors” is off to a promising start, but lamely, we only get four episodes this year.
• Warehouse 13 Undecided about this show. I dig the whole “America’s attic” notion and the leads’ chemistry, but some of the episodes have been, uh, hokey.

The Emmys snuck up on me this year, but ever since I learned that the ceremony was tonight, my plans were set. (That said, an hour’s intermission for Mad Men might be in order.) I’m not predicting the winners here, mind you, but stating who I’m rooting for. I haven’t seen all of the nominated shows and performances, but from what I have seen, here are my picks for some of the top categories:

Outstanding Drama Series
Breaking Bad

No other show in the category is under-subscribed as this one, and yet it’s one of the most nuanced, emotionally profound series on television. It would be a real coup if it won.

Outstanding Comedy Series
30 Rock

From Oprah hallucinations to Night Court reunions to Muppets in space to Salma Hayek saying “coco for cuckoo poops,” this show continues to outdo itself season after season.

Outstanding Lead Actor – Drama Series
Jon Hamm (Mad Men)

…for a man who makes being emotionally distant look so cool. A furrowed eyebrow is the biggest response you’ll get out of him.

Outstanding Lead Actress – Drama Series
Glenn Close (Damages)

…for being alternately—and believably—vulnerable and terrifying. (And when I say terrifying, I mean she’s almost as scary as her character in Fatal Attraction.)

Outstanding Lead Actor – Comedy Series
Steve Carell (The Office)

Emmy voters love characters with moral ambiguity, and you can never tell of how much of his own assholiness Michael Scott is aware. Plus, this is Carell’s fourth consecutive nomination in this category. Clearly he’s doing something right!

Outstanding Lead Actress – Comedy Series
Christina Applegate (Samantha Who?)

If we can’t have Samantha Who? on our screens, we should at least honor the star, whose performance of the sunny, optimistic Samantha made losing one’s memory almost look like fun.

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Drama Series
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)

A win for him seems like a long shot, but Aaron Paul’s performance won me over this year. He made an imbecilic druggie a character you can root for—and feel for during the devastating conclusion to the season.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Drama Series
Chandra Wilson (Grey’s Anatomy)

Bailey is the most rational, sage character in a hospital brimming with angst and impulsive behavior, even when her own life is imploding. Besides, this is Wilson’s fourth consecutive nomination in this category. Clearly she’s doing something right!

Outstanding Supporting Actor – Comedy Series
Tracy Morgan (30 Rock)

…simply or making Tracy Jordan the craziest person you’d ever want to be your best friend.

Outstanding Supporting Actress – Comedy Series
Kristin Chenoweth (Pushing Daisies)

How is so much talent contained in such a tiny lady? I have no idea, but her portrayal as the hopelessly-devoted Olive Snook almost makes you want to break up Ned and Chuck. Almost.

Outstanding Reality Competition Program
Top Chef

…for being one of the classiest, most respectable reality shows on the air, and for making us all want to become food savants.

]]> http://primetimely.com/2009/09/2009-emmys-my-winners/feed/ 1 http://primetimely.com/2009/09/to-be-seen-not-tasted/ http://primetimely.com/2009/09/to-be-seen-not-tasted/#comments Mon, 07 Sep 2009 05:49:05 +0000 Dan Clarendon http://primetimely.com/?p=192

Why do we enjoy Top Chef so much? Aside from the fact that it’s one of the few respectable, legitimate competition shows, and aside from the fact that we are all gluttons for culinary-inferiority punishment, why do we watch a show in which we cannot participate? With So You Think You Can Dance, you can see the dances. With Project Runway, you can see the designs. But with Top Chef, you cannot taste the food. You must watch the judges reactions and rely on their appraisals.

It reminds me of my chief complaint about food shows: there are only so many responses TV chefs can give when tasting their own concoctions. The head tilts up toward the heavens, the eyes roll back, the eyelids flutter. “Oh, oh. That is so good.” Or “Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.” Or “Yumm-o!” Or the old standby: “Mmmm.” (Really, Rachael Ray, could you vary it up a little?)  I have wonder what happens when these people blow their own recipes.  Do they fake it?  (Holy mole rojo, he thought, anxiously. When did I put in so much garlic? Crap, the cameras are still rolling. “Mmmmm!”)

Tangents aside, the judges on Top Chef are under no such obligation. They are free to hate on the food. They’ll straight-up spit your food into their napkins if it’s not good. Padma is especially good at this. “Did you shell these pistachios yourself?” she demands, shooting a death glare at the hapless contestant, then plucking a shell shard from her teeth and then dropping it on the plate for effect.

It’s a good thing the judges are so frank, because they’re our only conduit into the competition. We experience the food through them. If they say there’s not enough acid in a dish, then dammit, there’s not enough acid! (Though I’ve never in my life tasted food and thought, “Gee, Dan. Some more acid would really give this dish that much-needed oomph.”)

The answer to this quandary eludes me at the moment. But I’ll be tuning anyway in Wednesday night, peasant food in hand, pretending I know the first thing about black truffles or foie gras. When it comes to Top Chef, I may not know the secret ingredient, but the final product is, well, mmmm!