TV’s Weirdest Family is in Kohler’s “Two Kids, One Toilet” Commercial

By on Apr 5, 2014 in Inanities |

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No offense to Kohler — a company whose products I genuinely respect — but its commercial entitled “Tresham” shows the strangest ostensibly-“cute” family dynamics on TV. It’s more a PSA for lockable bathroom doors than it is an ad for bathroom plumbing.

Imagined logline: Two kids urinate simultaneously in a Kohler toilet while nude Mom enjoys a soak in a Kohler bathtub mere feet away.

As the commercial starts, the two boys open the door just wide enough to scope out the situation and their mother inside, who is luxuriating in a bubble bath — perhaps contemplating the mystery of that odd latch mechanism on the door. (“There must be a way to ensure my privacy! Is there something else one should do to a bathroom door after closing it?”)

And as the rugrats breach Mommy’s Spa Weeknight, the woman doesn’t even check to make sure her bobbly bits are properly covered by the bubbles. Worse, she actually sits up in the tub — the suds struggling to maintain their grasp on each boob like Leo holding on to that wood plank at the end of Titanic.

Unfazed by the nudity of their mother, the lil’ cherubs run over to the Kohler toilet, jockeying for prime position, and start peeing, actually booty-bumping each other mid-urination — as the mother cranes her neck for a better look. (“Are those yellow streams reaching their intended target?”)

Yes, dear NCIS viewers, you are watching two little kids peeing. But hey, check out that toilet bowl! Are those lines not elegant?

Then, after watching how the toilet lid closes itself ever so gracefully, the kids run over to the sink for an impromptu water fight. Why not, after all?

It’s only then that Dear Old Dad comes in and beckons the miscreants out. The kids dutifully vacate the room; and Dad smiles at his wife, turns the lights down, and leaves her to her now-tepid bath. You know, tepid like the love between these two completely unflirty spouses. Uh, dude, your wife is disrobed before you, and you can’t afford at least one lecherous stare?

Well, the upside is that the plumbing looks just fabulous. And better yet, Peeing Kid #1 and Peeing Kid #2 now have great footage for their acting reels.

The company’s motto is “The Bold Look of Kohler,” but I’m not sure America was ready for this particular bold look.