TV’s Weirdest Family is in Kohler’s “Two Kids, One Toilet” Commercial

By on Apr 5, 2014 in Inanities |

No offense to Kohler — a company whose products I genuinely respect — but its commercial entitled “Tresham” shows the strangest ostensibly-“cute” family dynamics on TV. It’s more a PSA for lockable bathroom doors than it is an ad for bathroom plumbing. Imagined logline: Two kids urinate simultaneously in a Kohler toilet while nude Mom enjoys a soak in a Kohler bathtub mere feet away. As the commercial starts, the two boys open the door just wide enough to scope out the situation and their mother inside, who is luxuriating in a bubble bath — perhaps contemplating the mystery of that odd latch mechanism on the door. (“There must be a way to ensure my privacy! Is there something else one should do to a bathroom door after closing it?”) And as the rugrats breach Mommy’s Spa Weeknight, the woman doesn’t even check to make sure her bobbly...

Phil Robertson Is a Ducking Bigot

By on Mar 23, 2014 in Rants |

I won’t mince my words: Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson is a bigot — a “forgiving” and “tolerant” one or not — and A&E is reprehensible for not taking his offenses more seriously and for kowtowing to its Phil-supporting viewership. I know this issue is months old at this point, but it seems to have washed out of the news cycle — and every day that Phil remains gainfully employed by A&E only adds to the injustice. Then again, Phil would likely surmise that I’m only commenting now because I’ve been too busy with acts of terror, hostility, and murder. Before continuing my “rage spiral,” I’ll back up and provide a little context. In an article published in the January 2014 issue of GQ, Phil defined sin: “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and...

The Great TV Show Title Jumble

By on Sep 17, 2013 in Inanities |

Today in Hypothetical Alternate Realities: What would happen if two totally different shows exchanged words in their titles? Behold. Drag Notice — HR representatives are replaced by drag queens, who then put delinquent employees on notice. “Gurl, you betta werk!” RuPaul’s Burn Race — RuPaul trades her loving “shade” for appallingly cruel barbs (punctuated, of course, by her trademark cackle). Pretty Little Anarchy — Four teenage fashionistas live to regret having overthrown the government of Rosewood. Sons of Liars — Four grown sons of formerly-teenage fashionistas form a motorcycle gang… and dish about small-town secrets over nonfat lattes. The Good Stars — An inventory of all the celebrities in Hollywood who haven’t been arrested for DUI, become a Scientologist, flashed their nether regions, or made anti-Semitic remarks. Dancing with the Wife —...

2013 Emmys: And the nominees are…

By on Jul 28, 2013 in Tinseltown |

After poring over the 2013 Emmy nominations, I have a just a few observations, objections, musings, congratulations, speculations, and ramblings. American Horror Story has quickly become one of my all-time favorites, so I’m gratified that Emmy voters share my love for it and awarded it 17 nominations this year, more than any other program. Game of Thrones leads the dramas with 16 nods, and 30 Rock reigns over the comedies one last time with 13. Saturday Night Live holds the record for having the highest total of nominations for a variety show — or any show — with its 171 nods. But considering it’s been Emmy-eligible for 38 years now and has thus received average of 4.5 nominations per year, its longevity is more impressive than its nomination history. That said, SNL earned 15 nominations this year, more than thrice its average. This is the show’s second most-nominated...

Completion for completion’s sake totally sucks

By on Jun 16, 2013 in Inner Monologues, Rants |

I have attachment issues — not with people, luckily, but with stories. I’m ashamed when I don’t make it to the last page or the final frame. But, in some cases, I stop right before the end and feel like I can’t proceed. Alex and I saw Cirque du Soleil’s Totem recently. No, I’m not citing it as an example — we loved every minute of it. Buoyed by its exuberance — and perhaps wanting to debunk what could only be described as theatrical and athletic magic — we started the Bravo series Cirque du Soleil: Fire Within, a documentary about the creation of Cirque’s Varekai. Surprisingly, the closer to opening night of Varekai the show’s chronology progressed, the less engaging the show became. Is it because we already know — as viewers in 2002 perhaps did not — that the production of Varekai was a rousing success? Is it because we were seeing the...

House of Cards: Is it television?

By on Feb 15, 2013 in Inner Monologues |

In the latest bold step in television, Netflix is getting in on the original-content game with the debut of its series House of Cards — and the press has made much ballyhoo over the development. (Yes, I just wanted to use the word ballyhoo.) Even more interestingly, Netflix released all 13 episodes at once, to the delight of fans and to the dismay of those fans’ social lives and sleep schedules. Chiming in to the ballyhoo myself, I wonder: does the show fit into the definition of television? Isn’t series television, by its very nature, supposed to come out piecemeal? Furthermore, if Netflix uploads and makes readily available an entire television season in bulk, what’s the qualitative difference between that and a movie? Okay, sure, the saga is split into episodes. And yes, each episodes might have a narrative structure unto itself. (I haven’t seen the show yet, so I have no idea how...